(Cues: Wiz & Boomstick – Brandon Yates) Wiz: Everyone has different reasons for studying martial arts. For personal honor, to improve health… Boomstick: And for kicking the crap out of the other people! Like with Ryu, the wandering world warrior of Street Fighter. Wiz: And Jin Kazama, the power-hungry martial arts master of Tekken. Boomstick: He’s Wiz and I’m Boomstick. Wiz: And it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win… a DEATH BATTLE! Wiz: He’s the hero the world never knew. His name means prosperous, plentiful and abundant. He is the wandering warrior. He is… Ryu. Boomstick: That’s a pretty epic introduction for a hobo. Wiz: Orphaned at a young age, Ryu was adopted by the martial arts master Gouken. Under Gouken’s training and beside his fellow student Ken Masters, Ryu was trained in the art of Ansatsuken. Boomstick: Aka the Assassination Fist. This ancient fighting style was specifically designed for murder, which automatically makes it the best martial art ever. Wiz: Well, Gouken actually taught Ryu a slightly altered variant of the Ansatsuken. Inspired by karate, kenpo and judo Gouken’s version was a generally non-lethal one. Boomstick: Ugh, lame. Wiz: But the deadly side of the martial art lived on in Gouken’s brother, Akuma, who would ultimately prove to be Gouken’s downfall. One day, Ryu and Ken returned to their dojo to find their master… dead. Boomstick: Eh, kind of… He got better later. But Ryu didn’t know that, so he swore to wander the earth perfectin’ his abilities until he could take down Akuma himself. Wiz: With the Ansatsuken’s style, Ryu is a master at close quarter combat. With such techniques as the Shoryuken uppercut and the Flying Hurricane kick, he can take down most foes in near seconds. Boomstick: He’s like a livin’ helicopter of pain. But, he can also use his ki as a weapon firin’ a fireball of energy from his palms. Say it with me… Boomstick and Ryu: HADOKEN! Wiz: Gouken’s version of the Ansatsuken also taught Ryu several defensive techniques. Including the skill to parry most other attacks with precise timing. Boomstick: And with all these awesome powers of whoopin’ ass, Ryu eventually made his way to the World Warrior Tournament. Wiz: With his skills, Ryu quickly reached the top of the competition. For the title of World Warrior, he faced his toughest opponent yet, Sagat. Boomstick: Who ended up beatin’ the shit out of him. But Sagat was surprisingly a pretty good sport. So when he thought the fight was over, he offered Ryu a hand up. Wiz: And in that moment, something dark swelled from within Ryu’s consciousness. A force so fierce and destructive, he couldn’t contain it. And he lashed out. With an enraged shout in an explosion of blood, Ryu emerged as champion over Sagat’s near dead body. Ryu’s dark side had been unleashed. This was the Satsui no Hado. Boomstick: A violent inner force so extreme, its name actually means “Surge of Murderous Intent.” If I ever knowingly father a child, I know what I’m namin’ him. Wiz: Under the influence of the Satsui no Hado, Ryu falls into an uncontrollable rage known as Evil Ryu. Where his physical and spiritual power skyrockets. Boomstick: He can even teleport and use Akuma’s favorite technique, the Shun Goku Satsu. Which literally translates to “Instant Hell Murder.” OK, shit. Now I gotta have two kids that I care ’bout. Wiz: The Shun Goku Satsu, or the Raging Demon, is a fatal move which attacks the very soul of its victims with the gravity of all their past sins. Boomstick: To make them die 1,000 deaths! Wiz: But while the Satsui No Hado is a manifestation of Ryu’s dark side, he has achieved balance with the light. This is called “Mu no Ken”, or the “Power of Nothingness.” Boomstick: Wait, that doesn’t make any sense. What’s he gonna do with nothin’? Wiz: By focusing on mental and spiritual refinement and detachment, Ryu has achieved the ultimate state of being. This begets a power strong enough to match and even surpass the Satsui no Hado. Boomstick: Oh, yeah. That’s how Gouken survived Akuma’s hell murder attack. And now, Ryu’s got the same power. Look at him go! Wiz: With all this power, Ryu’s performed some incredible feats. Aside from winning the World Warrior tournament, he’s dodget bullets, destroyed skyscrapers and survived Balrog’s Gigaton Blow. Boomstick: Yeah, remember him from that boxin’ match we did? He’s strong enough to kill an elephant in one punch. Ryu is so tough, that he’s survived gettin’ impaled. And when he goes evil mode, he can just walk through gunfire. Wiz: He’s strong enough to lift this enormous boulder over his head. By estimating the boulder’s volume compared to Ryu’s height and assuming a sandstone composition, we can determine it must weight at least 36 tons. Boomstick: Plus, there’s a guy sittin’ on top of the boulder. And he’s liftin’ his own boulder! Man, Oro’s cool. Wiz: While Ryu fighting record isn’t perfect, his wins far outnumber his losses. He’s defeated his friend Ken, the dictator M. Bison and even a genetically engineered super warrior named Seth. Boomstick: But those were just pit stops compared to his frequent battles with Akuma. And if you don’t know, Akuma shattered an island with a single punch, split Ayers Rock in half in Australia, and jumped to the ocean’s surface from 4,000 feet below in 3 seconds! While destroyin’ a submarine! Wiz: That’s about 3,000 miles per hour by the way. And I guess he just powered through the bends. Boomstick: Yeah, he’s definitely final boss material. Wiz: And so… Years after Akuma’s attack on his foster father, Ryu faced him for the final time. And with the power of Mu no Ken on his side, Ryu was victorious. Boomstick: All in a day’s work for everyone’s favorite Street Fighter. M. Bison: You had the power to actually to defeat that beast! Now show it to me! Ryu: This power is not to defeat… This is the power to push forward! Wiz: If you met Jin Kazama when he was just a boy, you wouldn’t figure he’d grow up to be one of the most dangerous men to ever live. Boomstick: Unless you already knew, about his super deadly and super crazy family. Wiz: Jin was raised by his single mother, who taught him the Kazama family style martial arts after his father abandoned them. Boomstick: Ah, story of my life. No really, those trainin’ days with Mama Boomstick were some of the best times of my life. Wiz: One day, Jin’s mother sensed a great evil approaching. She told him that if anything were to happen to her, he should seek out his grandfather, Heihachi Mishima. Boomstick: Right on cue, a big ass ogre showed up and attacked them. When Jin came to, his mom and Shrek were nowhere to be seen. Don’t you hate it how moms are always right? Wiz: Thankfully, it wasn’t too difficult for Jin to find Heihachi. Boomstick: Yeah, he’s super rich and has a really tall buildin’. Kinda hard to miss. Wiz: So rich, in fact, that Heihachi owned a multinational conglomerate empire, with its own banking, weaponry, military forces and just for kicks, a martial arts tournament. Boomstick: Woah! Why didn’t Mom tell him ’bout this? Time to collect on those missin’ Christmas presents, Granddad! Wiz: Well, she also forgot to mention Heihachi is a terrible father who’s obsessed with throwing his own son off cliffs. Nobody’s perfect, I guess. Boomstick: Regardless, under Heihachi’s guidance, Jin trained and perfected the Mishima-Ryu fighting style. With two types of martial arts mastered, he’s got all sorts of techniques that can pack a punch. Wiz: Such as the Flash Punch Combo and the electrically-charged Lightning Screw Uppercut. Boomstick: Or his famous 10-Hit Combo Chain. Once he gets you stuck in flurry of punches and kicks, you’re not goin’ anywhere until he finishes you off with a classic Dragon Uppercut. Wiz: With these talents and a thirst for revenge, Jin entered his grandfather’s King of Iron Fist tournament. There he came face to face with the ogre once again. But instead of, you know, interrogating him to find out what happened to his mother, Jin just killed him. Nice job, stupid, there goes the only lead you had. Boomstick: Ah, nothin’ tastes better then sweet, sweet revenge. Except for maybe Mom’s cookin’. Well, unfortunately, it didn’t last long as he got shot up… by his grandfather. Ah, that son of a bitch! Mama always said never trust a bald man who tells his barber “Give me the Wolverine!”. Wiz: But, Jin had a little surprise for Heihachi and for himself, actually. Thanks to his family line, he has inherited the dreaded and parasitic Devil Gene. Boomstick: Which turns him into a flyin’, laser-shootin’ demon person! Now that’s one genetic disorder you can sign me up for! Wiz: Good news then I’ve been working on an artificial digestible version of the Devil Gene myself. Boomstick: Uh… yeah!? Would that happened to be the chili fruit candy in the blue bucket? Wiz: What did you do? Boomstick: Well, my dog Jack Spaniels was wanderin’ around scroungin’ for food as he does and uh, I was wondering why he suddenly grew horns. And wings. Wiz: You’ve got to be shitting me… Boomstick: Anyway compared to his base form, Devil Jin’s strength, speed and durability are better than ever. Wiz: Devil Jin is strong enough to throw people dozens of feet and even smash them through walls. For this instance in particular, he’s pushing a Heihachi through the limestone wall of an Aztec pyramid. To do this, Jin must have struck the wall with force equal to at least 10 tons per square inch. Boomstick: Hell, Jin is stronger than this guy called Raven, who can toss around this giant war robot named… Nancy. Wiz: When compared to real-life robots of similar size and accounting for additional weaponry and gear, this machine should weigh anywhere between 15 to 30 tons. Also, Jin is fast enough to dodge bullets and fly into orbit. Boomstick: And survive fallin’ all the way back down. Wiz: Which puts his maximum flight speed over escape velocity, that’s more than 25,000 miles per hour. Boomstick: He can even punch so fast he causes shockwaves. That’s right,.Jin throws punches faster than the speed of sound. Remind me never to give him a high-five. Wiz: Totally reasonable, considering his grandfather can catch bullets in his teeth from just 20 feet away Boomstick: And surely Jin can do better than that. Heihachi doesn’t even have the Devil Gene! Wiz: That’s right. The Devil Gene traces back not to Heihachi, but to Jin’s grandmother. Boomstick: Who freakin’ ride tigers. Wiz: As a result, Heihachi’s son, Kazuya inherited the Devil Gene and past it on to Jin. Boomstick: Kazuya’s power are basically the same as Jin’s. And he’s shown just how far the Devil form can go. He shot a blast powerful enough to erupt a volcano and survived a satellite laser straight out of Independence Day. Wiz: This is the same laser that once shot the robotic soldier Gun Jack. By measuring the blast radius and resulting devastation, the laser’s firepower appears to equal 3.7 megatons of TNT. Boomstick: You know the bomb that got dropped on Nagasaki in World War The Sequel? Yeah. This laser’s like a hundred and seventy six of those hittin’ all at once. Wiz: While the Devil Gene can sometimes be difficult for Jin to control, it provides an enormous advantage against almost any foe. Boomstick: With it, he’s won three of the four King of Iron Fist Tournaments he entered. He’s defeated Heihachi, Kazuya and even the supposed OG Devilman himself, Azazel. Too bad he had to start World War The Second Sequel just to find him. Kind of a dick move. Wiz: Jin’s certainly no angel and hardly a hero. Still, when it comes down to it, he is the child of destiny, and not even the devil’s blood can seal his fate. Ling: Can’t you understand!? All this fighting is pointless… It’s never gonna end! Jin: It will end with this bloodline. And that is why I fight. Wiz: Alright the combatants are set. Let’s end this debate once and for all. Boomstick: But first, all this talk of “Jin” is making me wanna pour a glass and eat some delicious Blue Apron. Right now you’re probably shoutin’ at your screen: “Where do I sign up?!” So check out this week’s menu and get your first three meals free at blueapron.com/battle. That’s Blueapron.com/Battle to get your first three meals free. But right now, IT’S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jin: There’s no way I can lose. Ryu: Talk is cheap. The answer lies in the heart of battle. Announcer: FIGHT! Song: Better start moving I’m throwing a shoryuken Thinking you the best? Then prove it and start dukin’ And I fire quick That hit you with God Fist Show the flip arm twist Your threats are harmless I’m the Rogue Warrior Walking around in dysphoria All your moves are flashy trash I’m ignorin’ ’em! Everywhere that I roam I’m a foreigner Better hear me your warning’s up ‘Fore I leave a mark on yo chest for the coroner I’m Jin Kazama I’m bringing the drama I’ma kick the flame out ya dragon mouth Just tap out! The whole world’s against me So what’s another peon? You rattle the blood inside of me You’ll be dead to the eons You ain’t ready to face the hard streets I’m rocking Mach speed And Tatsumaki Hurricane for ya pain I just knock my foes And if you last a few rounds I got the darker dose I got the lightning, frightening that everybody fightin’ I make a world crisis Whever I get excited I can knock you through stages And level streets Ryu: HADOKEN! Song: and if you pass a few rounds I’ll bring the devil gene! Yeah Grave digger My feet trigger Get beat quicker You can’t manage Your soul vanish Do stun damage I go frantic with every move when I’m hyper Uppercut to the gut Ryu: SHORYUKEN! Song: I’m ’bout to tear your life up! It’s a war Lift your hands Ryu: SHINKU… HADOKEN!!! Song: Hear the roar From the fans? Ryu: You can do better than that. Come on! Devil Jin: I shall show you fear! OUT OF MY WAY!!! Song: Who can win by using comments? Devil Jin: YOU INSECT!! Song: YOU.. CAN’T.. BEAT.. ME.. Evil Ryu: (screams) Song I AM.. RAGE.. AND I.. DON’T FALL.. YOU’LL SEE.. I got a feeling the power’s building I’m ill all night I’ve been concealing it now Wielding it real in fright And if this enemy stop defending It end on sight But don’t remember It’s disassembled Your will to fight I got a feeling the power’s building I’m ill all night I’ve been concealing it now Wielding it real in fright And if this enemy stop defending It end on sight Ryu: Here I come! Devil Jin: Right here! Song: FIGHT! It’s a war Lift your hands Power up! Let’s see who can stand LET’S FIGHT! Hear the roar From the fans? Who can win By using comments? Ryu: HAAAAAAAAA!!! I walk the path of the true warrior. Announcer: KO! Boomstick: Oh. I get why it’s called the Power of Nothingness now. There’s nothing left in his chest. Wiz: This one was a tricky match to decipher. Both Ryu and Jin had many displays of incredible feats, but very few truly showcased the upper limits of their power. We know that in their base forms, both could lift around 30 tons and move at supersonic speeds. Also, we know Ryu could maintain a much better level of control and discipline in Mu no Ken than Jin in Devil form. Boomstick: Yeah, hardcore Tekken fans know he had pretty good control over it in that Blood Vengeance movie, but it’s pretty inconsistent with game canon. Even Tekken’s creator has said it’s not canon. Wiz: Also, Jin’s fall from orbit feat was impressive, but it is hard to quantify due to its presentation. Even if we assume we are to take it literally, a man of Jin’s size landing at terminal velocity would equal around 18 tons of force. Boomstick: But to find their limits, we had to scale them to comparable characters. Wiz: Scaling Jin to his father Kazuya was logical. Kazuya survived that 3.7 megaton laser blast and it’s clear it was necessary for him to be in Devil form to do so. Kazuya’s own laser blast was strong enough to help kick off a volcano’s eruption, a feat which could require up to 100 megatons of TNT… But that’s a very generous estimate and its actual potency is likely much less. Boomstick: Since their power comes from the same place and Jin’s even defeated Kazuya before. It’s safe to say Jin can do all this too. As for Ryu, we knew exactly who we had to scale him to: let’s talk about Akuma. Wiz: First off, just to prove the scaling is reasonable, Ryu and Akuma share very similar abilities. Both were trained in the Ansatsuken fighting style and both possessed the Satsui no Hado. They fought each other several times and when the story was all said and done, Ryu emerged ultimately victorious based on his skill alone. Boomstick: Now that that’s out of the way, let’s watch Akuma punch an island to death! Wiz: With a single strike, Akuma managed to break apart an entire island so thoroughly that Ryu, who was on the island, was left floating helplessly in nearly clear water. Assuming the island is somewhat circular, we’ve estimated the volume and deduced that in order to fragment the island like this, Akuma’s punch must have been over 400 megatons of TNT. Boomstick: That’s more than four times stronger than anything a Devil Gene has pulled off. And Ryu takes blows from this guy all the time. Wiz: Sure, Ryu wasn’t getting hit with 400 megatons every time Akuma landed a punch, but the most a Devil Gene carrier has ever survived amounts to less than 1% in comparison. Even if Jin could survive a strike as strong as Kazuya’s volcano feat, it still pales in comparison. The fact that Ryu survived being on the island as it was blown apart helps justify this scaling, too. Boomstick: Well, Jin still takes the speed advantage with that flight into orbit, but it doesn’t mean much when the difference of power and toughness is this massive. Wiz: When it came down to it, Ryu’s strength, durability, and control were just too far out of Jin’s reach. Boomstick: Wait, Wiz, we forgot a feat! You remember that Gun-Jack robot? A later model of Jack once destroyed a meteor. Couldn’t we just scale Jin to that? Wiz: Well, it’s unsupported by canon material, but even if we did, guess who destroyed an even bigger meteor? Boomstick: Akuma? Wiz: Akuma. Boomstick: Damn. Well, ‘Jin’ up everybody, Ryu’s ‘Tekken’ care of business. Wiz: The winner is Ryu. Ryu: HADOKEN!!! Chad: Thanks for watching if you guys want exclusive commentary on the episode just click that little box right over there. Ben: And if you want the battle music from this episode you can get it by clicking the link in the description. Chad: You know this by now.