ep3. ISABELLA LÖWENGRIP – MEMORY LANE

ep3. ISABELLA LÖWENGRIP – MEMORY LANE


I haven’t been there since I was a kid, like… eight or ten, I really wanted to see
how it looks today and… like a memory lane. Because my entire childhood is like wrapped in a black box
somewhere deep inside of me, and I’m… and I have been using
tape all around the box all the time just taping it so it doesn’t… gonna leak out from this. ‘Cause it’s so many tough memories and sad memories and, but of course… it’s good memories, too. Hi, this is Isabella Löwengrip and this is my FLIP SIDE I’ve been through therapy a lot to talk about my childhood
’cause I was so sad when I was like around 20, everything just came at me again. So when I was four, my parents divorced. And… so my dad moved from the… one apartment to another apartment and I just saw the house. And… So it’s up here. And my mom, we lived here. Maybe it was this building. I think it was this building. They look the same. I was so afraid of coming
here but now it’s okay. I always been the leader
since I was a kid. Or trying to. Very bossy, very… more like one of the guys but still very girly. But then when I started
school inside of Stockholm, then… I became bullied. So it just switched. It started when I was 12… and then I had a problem with acne… so the guys used that,
of course, to bully me. And the feeling of being
rejected has been following me in my… in being adult, as well. That nobody wants to be with me… for who I am. And, if I’m totally honest, I’m spending the most time with my team. Most of the days here it’s
always a lot of people but they’re working for me. But I always have something that is… it’s like the opposite… like, now I have to fight. Now I have to be better. I have to show them. I’ve put everything on my work …and on the character and I’m so lost in the character, I don’t know who I am
when I’m… coming back home… at nights and… you know… just being here by myself I don’t… I don’t know how to leave the character, I don’t know… who I am without that. So I’m just so lost in everything… so that is why I’m quite happy
about the crisis right now. ‘Cause it feels like… finally I can leave it. My biggest problem with myself is that I’m feeling so lonely all the time. But when I’m here… it’s… the memories come back and I realize that here I had a lot of people around me. But when we moved from here, we lost all the contact with
everybody, and then… I had to grow up very fast. So here was a movie. You can see the sign, but there’s no movie here. Oh, my dad has his office in here. And there was a restaurant here where I… it’s gone. I played a lot here. This was my… We played here, I used to hang with friends here, we bought ice cream here. So here was home. Because you ask me if
I felt home over there and I didn’t but here I’m home. So this is home. Everything is home here. – So this is your street? -Yes, this is my street. Yeah. But this can be… I think you need people in
life that are just there no matter what. And I think I miss that. And I also think that I cut
that kind of relationship. I did it by… I was… I was the one cutting it. I didn’t want to become a mother at all. And… I was, I didn’t… You know everything that
I’m doing, I have to be… I have to be able to trust myself and feel that I know I can do this. So it was easy just to say
that I don’t need any kids. I can just focus on my career. And when I’m seeing the
photos of them right now it’s so hard to understand that I really… was thinking like that. I’ve been very unhappy my last years the last years in my life… I’m still very unhappy. But when I came here now I felt… like a pure feeling of being happy. – But it sounds like you’re living on an island in a way. – Yeah, I do. Yes I do. – So are you afraid of, that you will… stay there with your kids and they will experience the same feeling? – Yes.

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