MATT: Hello, everyone, and welcome to tonight’s episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons. TRAVIS: We play Dungeons & Dragons! MATT: Before we jump into tonight’s game, we have a few announcements to get through. First and foremost, we have two fantastic sponsors tonight. Up first, our friends and sponsors of campaign two thus far, D&D Beyond. Sam. SAM: D&D Beyond, I just ate some pie, because it’s Pi Day. Mmm, mmm. Tastes real good. LIAM: Is this the bit already? SAM: Nope. Congratulations, the D&D Beyond team is growing. They are currently on a quest, get it? To find a senior product manager and two product designers to work on making all their exciting plans into a reality. They shared with us, also, this is actually cool. The last developer that they hired was a critter who heard about the job opening right here on Critical Role. We got someone a job. LAURA: That’s awesome! SAM: I’m exciting that the team is growing because it’s more people for me to command when I become president. LIAM: In your dreams. SAM: Visit the links in chat to apply for a job today. That got me thinking, guys. They’re looking for employment and I was doing some digging around the offices here and I found some other jobs that are being offered for you guys. If you’re interested in any of these positions, I’m just going to put them out there. okay. Writer wanted. Obnoxious talk show host seeks part time joke writer. Beard trimming skills a plus. No education required. Criminal record encouraged. Must be a good lookout. Candidate must also be willing to withstand constant overwhelming stink of cabbage. No respirator provided. Ability to stay turnt a plus. Send applications to [email protected] LIAM: I guess Rachael needs some help. SAM: I found this listing as well. Seeking a full time dice management specialist. Online personality and style influencer seeks help organizing her extensive collection of dice. Must be able to sort over 93,000 dice by color, cuteness, luck, whimsy, size, and unscientific superstition. Must also catalog 4,000 stuffed bears. In lieu of pay, candidate must accept weekly stipend of 300 ugly dice. Meals not provided. Okay– TRAVIS: No such thing as ugly dice. LAURA: Yes, there is. SAM: Here’s another one. Seamstress wanted. Overworked content creator requires talented seamstress or seamster to remove sleeves from every garment she owns. Sleeves to be disposed of by dunking in acid, death by fire, shredding in a wood chipper. Mail applications to sleeves are fucking bullshit at fuck sleeves dot com. Last but not least, image consultant required.Guten tag.I am an underdog candidate for political office in search of an image consultant to help overcome my impossible odds. Currently running a failing campaign for president of D&D Beyond getting ass handed by far more attractive, energetic, and likable candidate. Attempted to run on a platform of rules, math, and fascism, but my opponent’s smile can melt a million hearts, and he can charm the world with his wit. Please help me restart my atrocious campaign and salvage my dignity before I am decimated. Send CV to German accent at Liam O’Brien dot TV. LIAM: Guys, guys, fascism works. SAM: Those are the job listings. Thank you, D&D Beyond. (applauding) MATT: Thank you, D&D Beyond. Thank you, Sam. (laughs) Good luck to whoever those seeking individuals may be. Our second sponsor tonight, returning friend of the show, the Rook and the Raven. LAURA: The Rook and the Raven. MATT: Yes, indeed. They are makers of high quality notebooks, specifically designed for RPGs. You’ve seen some of their work in the past. This is their Mischief and Misadventure book. These are binders that contain ways to very easily and cleanly contain all of your character information, campaign notes, all that good stuff. They have plastic sheets for any draw and erase things you want to keep tabs on. They’re awesome. You should check it out. They will be at Emerald City Comic Con with us to begin, but they will be at their booth, number 825, as well as C2E2 later this year, you can find them there, as well. Find them if you’re going to be there this weekend or at C2E2. They are good folks. Tell them you said hi from us. MARISHA: As seen on Critical Role. MATT: As seen on Critical Role, as used emphatically by Beau. How many pages of those have you filled? MARISHA: Almost all of them. I need more. If you guys could send more actually. MATT: Here. MARISHA: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah! I can take these out, thank you. TRAVIS: You don’t have to write font 48, you know. You can– MARISHA: Don’t judge me. TRAVIS: I’m sorry. MARISHA: You start taking better– yours looks like a Where’s Waldo– TRAVIS: I draw pictures! LIAM: Can I read just this half page of notes? MATT: Sure. LIAM: “Patient. Listen.” “Stay alive. Diary.” SAM: You have to remember to stay alive by writing it down? MATT: It’ll come in handy. LIAM: Written in pink, “investigating well.” That’s it for pink. We go away from pink after that. “Spooky sexy speeches.” MARISHA: Specters. LIAM: I see what I want. MARISHA: Specters. LIAM: I make spooky sexy speeches. “Line of blue dream energy.” Euphemism. “Succubus equals resistance against cold, fire, lightning, poison, non magical,” and spooky sexy speeches. MARISHA: Not written twice, no. MATT: I think Taliesin’s full of blue dream energy. I’m pretty sure, yeah. On top of that, to celebrate the favorite artists of the Rook and the Raven and our show here at Critical Role, Deven Rue and Crystal Sully, friends of the show, and Rook and the Raven are offering a special bundle with a limited release cover design that will only be available until March 24th of this year, so go ahead and check them out at the website, which is not on the paper here. I believe it is therookandtheraven.com, I believe. If not, we’ll correct it on socials, but I’m pretty sure from memory that is the one. Thank you so much. All right, we’ve also got a couple of other fun announcements. We are headed back to Indianapolis for Gen Con in 2019. Our live show is announced. It’ll be August second, that Friday, of Gen Con there. Tickets are on sale next Tuesday March 19th at 10:00am Eastern. General admission tickets will be on sale the next day, Wednesday, March 20th, at 10:00am Eastern. LIAM: (whispers) Eastern. MATT Pardon me. Our official Talks Machina panel at Gen Con will take place on Saturday, August 3rd at 1:00pm. Turn that shit off! LAURA: I’m sorry. It was our notification that Ronin is making noise in his crib. ALL: Awww. LAURA: I’m turning it off now, sorry about that. MATT: We make a little window, so people watching can also like check in on Ronin. LAURA: Oh, that would be so cute. TRAVIS: Or like not appropriate at all. MATT: Really not appropriate. MARISHA: Livestream our baby. MATT: Oh, no, get him off on the wrong… LIAM: Everything is content. MATT: Yeah, we’ll see you guys at Gen Con. Check out critrole.com for more details there. We’re also going to be at Emerald City Comic Con this weekend, like very soon. We’re leaving tomorrow. You can check out all the details on both of these events at critrole.com/events. We have, as some of you probably know, a Kickstarter for an animated series. (cheering) MATT: That is crazy. Travis, if you want to talk about this a little bit. TRAVIS: Yeah. Guys, we continue to be blown away. We have passed some incredible milestones so far. We have passed over 53,000 backers. That is so amazing. We cannot thank you enough. We love you so much for sharing our excitement and passion for this animated now season, this series. We are so close to our next stretch goal, which is 7.5 million. If we hit that– I know, I know! I don’t even know what these words are. If we hit that, we’re able to unlock two more episodes of the beloved Briarwood arc, and we will give you more of that creepy shit that you want just as much as we do. Also, we will be unlocking a special one shot featuring some of our favorite Vox Machina campaign guests. Confirmed to play, schedules, yep, yep, yep, professional schedules, you know, TBD, but we got Felicia Day, we got Wil Wheaton, we got Will Friedle, we got Mary Elizabeth McGlynn. We got some beauties for you, and they’re going to have to fucking fight each other. MATT: I got ideas. TRAVIS: Yes. Ideas. Matt has ideas. Anyway, if you want to check out our campaign, or to make a pledge, thank you again for your support, you can go to critrole.com/animated. MATT: No, don’t. Really, thank you guys so much for the support. This has been overwhelming on like a spiritual level. It’s incredible. We’re but one of many creators out there. Beyond supporting us, this is a great community, a lot of great folks you can check out. Go to Kickstarter Games to see a lot of other programs that are out there. I’ve been supporting through the years, even just recently this week supported some great projects like Swordsfall. Or Humblewood. Go see what else is on there and what other people we can also help lift up with this fantastic push of generosity and excitement. Thank you guys very much. We have, Laura, an update on merch, I believe. LAURA: Oh, we do. TRAVIS: Get it, girl. LAURA: Here’s a little treat for you guys. In the store right now is the Menagerie Coast. ALL: Ooh. LAURA: You may notice, it looks very similar to our beautiful Wildemount map. They go very well together. SAM: Oh, do they? LAURA: Yeah. They’re the same size. TRAVIS: It’s almost like Deven Rue made that gorgeous piece. LAURA: Deven Rue did make this gorgeous piece! Speaking of Deven Rue, yeah. She’s amazing. Yeah, check it out. It’s in the store now, as well as a bunch of other awesome things. Oh, and by the way, it’s in the UK shop, as well. MATT: Get that fast delivery. Thank you guys so much. I believe that’s all of our announcements. Let’s go ahead and dive in to tonight’s episode of Critical Role. (water bubbling) (thunder) (explosion) (chanting) ♪ Role, Critical ♪ ♪ Role, Critical ♪ ♪ Role, Critical ♪ ♪ Role, Critical ♪ ♪ Role, Critical ♪ ♪ Role, Critical ♪ ♪ Role the dice ♪ ♪ The adventure begins ♪ ♪ They were always beside you ♪ ♪ Your nerdy best friends ♪ ♪ The DM to guide you ♪ ♪ And they rise from the flames for the battles ahead ♪ ♪ Villains beware because you’re ’bout to be dead ♪ ♪ They got magic and flair ♪ ♪ They got falchions and cunning ♪ ♪ They don’t see over there ♪ ♪ There’s a monster incoming ♪ ♪ Inspiration is waiting ♪ ♪ Rise up, don’t think twice ♪ ♪ Put your fate in your hands ♪ ♪ Take a chance, roll the dice ♪ ♪ Role, Critical ♪ ♪ Role, Critical ♪ ♪ Role, Critical ♪ ♪ Role, Critical ♪ ♪ Can you answer the call? ♪ ♪ Diggin’ deep in your soul ♪ ♪ As the legend unfolds ♪ ♪ Now it’s your turn ♪ ♪ To roll ♪ (fire burning) MATT: Hello, and welcome back everyone. Last we left off: The Mighty Nein have found themselves in the eastern wastes of Xhorhas, seeking the recently captured and currently imprisoned husband of Nott from essentially a past life. Upon traveling eastward through the wastes, dodging various dangers and entities, you found yourselves in Asarius, the City of Beasts, which currently seems to exist under the banner of the Kryn Dynasty. A city brimming with ogres and goblins and bugbears and gnolls and all sorts of other monstrous races from the empire standpoint, living relatively civilized existence. Though, a mounting army itself, preparing to move westward to dive into conflict with the Dwendalian empire, where you hail, most of you, at the very least. Upon asking around the city, some of you, incognito, as more acceptable members of the society, you managed to make a trade for both business and gold for three moorbounder beasts. Trained them to be somewhat amiable to being mounts. Also upon speaking with the Kryn leader, it seems, or at least one of the more prominent individuals here, Lady Zethriss Olios, presented your capabilities as an investigation crew. At least these two did. Managed to convince her that your skill is not just boastful and were given two options to possibly make some money and gain some favor with her rule in the city. One of which was to hunt down a spy, an empire spy here. The other was to seek out the source of the seemingly growing demonic force, this seeping abyssal influence that seems to be creeping into the city. If you can find this source and snuff it out, both a good monetary reward and or a trade for favor with the Bright Queen herself, might be able to be had. In searching for this, you made your way, eventually, towards the northern center of the city. Upon speaking with a rather dimwitted and bulky bugbear, through fright and threat, seemed to be having some strange dreams, where he was being enticed by spectral entities to do bad things. You came back later in the evening, after resting in the practically stables outside of the Four Corners Inn, and discovered these spectral demonic entities harassing him in his sleep. You immediately ran into the fight and after a brief scuffle, they fled towards the well, to the back of the building, in this part of the city. You went down into the well, discovered that a portion of the inside of the wall had collapsed inward where a tunnel continued within. One by one, you all made your way down into this mysterious tunnel and began to follow it as it curved to the left into shadow and into the mysterious continuation of this series of tunnels and chambers. So Mighty Nein, what would you like to do? SAM: Ah! MATT: Good response. LIAM: Nott is– SAM: Invisible, and running ahead. TRAVIS: Tip of the spear. LIAM: Did you drop some light at the end? TALIESIN: I was going to ask if we want some light. I don’t think that we’re trying to be sneaky, so. LAURA: Yeah, they know we’re coming. TALIESIN: We have light. MATT: Marching order, technically on this, is that we have– ALL: Technically. MATT: We have Nott at the front who is invisible. SAM: You have an invisible Nott? MATT: I have an invisible tiny person figure that works. LAURA and SAM: That looks like Nott. MATT: It works well enough. TRAVIS: We’re working our way through the tunnel, but it’s super tight, right? MATT: It’s about ten, sometimes pushing 15 feet. You can go maybe two to three people shoulder to shoulder comfortably, as far as using your space. You can squeeze closer if you need to. TRAVIS: I’ll be right behind you. MATT: Fjord is– SAM: I’m trying to be sneaky. TRAVIS: Yeah, I’m with you, man. MARISHA: I’ll be behind Fjord. LAURA: I’ll follow behind Beau, unless? TRAVIS: Keep a good distance. TALIESIN: I’ll go behind you. TRAVIS: Little lady luck herself doesn’t need help, you’ll be fine. SAM: Are you my chaperone? LIAM: I will go in front of Yasha. LAURA: Clerics together forever. SAM: Oh no. MATT: What could possibly go wrong? All right, so. Nott. First off, I’d like you to make a stealth check with advantage. SAM: Natural 20. Natural, no. MATT: What is the total of that? SAM: It’s a million. It is stealth, it’s 31. MATT: Jesus Christ, okay. You feel pretty confident no one notices you traversing the interior of these darkened tunnels. The walls are slick with the moisture of the ground water that normally seeps into the well and this deep area of the ground, within Asarius. The air is humid and smells metallic to the nose, like similar to the aftermath of a cannon blast. Basing it on your own previous experience. Move around the corner and the tunnel continues after the slight curvature to arc downward, and then it evens out a bit about 60 feet ahead of you. Most of this seems like it may have at one point been an underground river that is either dried up or was diverted, and so you can see this mineral build up in the sides, and the floor is pretty smooth, as opposed to the roof area, which is a little more rough and natural gathering stalactites made of various minerals and materials that over time just began to drip and gather. You find yourself, the rest of you, at some points, having to duck down a little bit through some of these. While the tunnel is wide, it’s not as high as it is wide, and so at points, it gets maybe five-foot, four and a half feet, and you’re having to crouch and find your way through. You ahead, make perception check for me. SAM: I’m great at those. Seven. MATT: Cool. You continue moving ahead. SAM: Looks like a cave. LAURA: I like that you scout ahead and you can’t see shit. SAM: It’s my one weakness. (laughter) MATT: Travis, how far behind Nott are you traveling? TRAVIS: 20 feet.
MATT: 20 feet, you got it. Everyone else is in a five-foot line behind Fjord or more distance between each of you? Just for my own. MARISHA: Yeah, I’ll stick up on Fjord. MATT: Okay, cool. Make a perception check for me, Fjord. TRAVIS: Okay. That’s a natural one. MATT: Okay, so. LAURA: Great. MATT: You guys continue down this path, following Fjord, who comfortably is following Nott, both of them very certain of their surroundings. MARISHA: I trust her implicitly, right? She will like just tell us if she sees something. TRAVIS: Totally, she’s got a nose for this stuff. It’s dark in here. MARISHA: So dark, right? TRAVIS: Where are you? Ah! MARISHA: Sorry. TALIESIN: You do have a light on, you know that, right? It’s like you guys are, okay. MATT: Caduceus comes around the corner behind you, like this beacon of bright, cantrip light torch light, filtering in the vicinity. Both Nott and Fjord, you first hear what sounds like. (grunting) The minor chatter. Looking up to the area, what you didn’t see, at a distance, because it’s just hard to see down here, and you’re not very focused, in the archway of this tunnel, there’s two creatures that are grappled up and affixed to the wall and grinding something, like sharpening their claws in the stone, it looks like. While one sits on the ground, below. No more than like two feet tall each. About the size of Nott, crouched down, arms and legs folded in. What little bit you can see as the light comes in, a deep gray, like a blue gray tint to their leathery skin. They turn around, and you can see these wide, lemur-like eyes, but black. These tiny mouths with sharp teeth growl in your direction, and I need everyone to roll initiative because you never noticed them. LAURA: None of us saw it.
MATT: None of you saw it. TRAVIS: Hold your position. MARISHA: (yelling) SAM: Oh boy, we’re already in a fight? TRAVIS: Good way to start a Thursday. Fuck. LAURA: What’d you roll? SAM: Terrible. TRAVIS: Initiative was balls. TALIESIN: It’s just a hallway. TRAVIS: Yeah, it’s “just a hallway.” MATT: Actually, the arch would be down here. Nott, you’re right there. Here we have everyone else following up right behind. There we have it. Now for the creatures. LAURA: You know what would be cool is if we could have a thing that dropped in the middle so it could be just a little bit lower than us. SAM: You mean the table went down or you could just stand up a little? LAURA: Some of us are lazy, Sam. TRAVIS: Jesus. MATT: Yeah, roll initiative on this. LAURA: They’ve got wings? MATT: Technically, these creatures do not, I just didn’t have three minis of them with wings. Close enough size and coloration, you get it. LAURA: Yeah, it counts. MATT: It’s fine. All righty, so. Okay. TRAVIS: Uh-oh, that’s a bad okay. MATT: 25 to 20. MARISHA: Oh, shit, y’all. MATT: 20 to 15.
MARISHA: 18. LAURA: 19. LIAM: Also 19.
SAM: 19, 19. MATT: Then we have Beau. 15 to ten. TRAVIS: 14.
TALIESIN: 13. MARISHA: You know, maybe we did okay, maybe I rushed to judge us. TRAVIS: No, we’re fucked.
MARISHA: Oh, okay. MATT: Fjord got a 14, you said? TRAVIS: Yeah, Fjord 14. MATT: Caduceus, 13? TALIESIN: 13. SAM: Ten I’m ten. What Yasha get? TRAVIS: Oh, six. SAM: Oh, Jesus. LAURA: Ashley… TRAVIS: Yeah, it’s totally Ashley’s fault, it’s not mine. MATT: You got it. Jester, you’re up first. You are just in the space where you can see them, and you hear the growling, and you just faintly see at this distance, with your darkvision, these three figures that turn around. (growling) SAM: Three figures? I thought it was two. MATT: There’s two grappled on the walls that are scratching their claws into the stone, and there’s one on the ground that seems to be looking up at what they’re doing. All three of them turn around towards you. LAURA: I’m going to Sacred Flame one of them. MATT: Which one? LAURA: The one that’s closest to me. MATT: The one that’s on the floor, then, we’d say. What’s the DC, or sorry, what’s the–? LAURA: Dex.
MATT: Dex, all right. That is going to be a 16. LAURA: 16 is what you needed. MATT: All right, so it succeeds. As you try and reveal it, suddenly there’s this burst of radiant light and it dodges out of the way and grabs onto the side of the wall, moving slightly to the side. The flame has no effect, unfortunately. That’s your action, anything else on your turn? LAURA: I’m going to scooch up against the wall. MATT: Which one, here? LAURA: The one closest to me. Yeah, like that. MATT: Scoot into that corner there. You got it. LAURA: Yeah, I’m going to say: They’re dodgy, be careful. MATT: Simultaneously, Caleb, as Jester gives this warning, what are you doing? LIAM: Can I even see the one that is here? MATT: You cannot. LIAM: Can I see anything? MATT: Yes, you can because the light that Caduceus has– he’s cast Light. You can see the chamber about 60-foot from Caduceus. So yeah, you can see in there. LIAM: Do I have eyes on any of this? MATT: Right now you do not, you’d have to move in to get closer, and all you know is what Jester told you, and you saw her shoot something in that direction. LIAM: I am going to move to the side behind Caduceus there. Yeah, and I’m going to hold a Fire Bolt until something becomes visible. MATT: Okay, so you’re holding your action with a Fire Bolt. LIAM: ‘Til I see a creature. MATT: You got it. That finishes your go, Caleb. Beau, you’re up. MARISHA: Do I see them? MATT: You do because of the light that’s being shed by Caduceus and the noise they made, since you’re in proximity to that point, heard Jester say that, you glance over and you have a pretty high perception so easily you see the three creatures in somewhat of a V-shape across the interior chamber. MARISHA: They’re in a flying V. Okay, I’m going to run up to the one on the ground. MATT: To this one? MARISHA: To the one on the ground, I guess, yeah. 25. MATT: 25 will put you right there. You find yourself hitting something with your hip as you pull by and Nott, you get a little knock on the shoulder. SAM: Ow.
MARISHA: Sorry. MATT: You are face to face with the one on the ground in front of you. You see, it’s like (growling). MARISHA: I just rear back and go for a full football punt. MATT: Go for it, roll for an attack. TRAVIS: Football punt. MARISHA: It’s a natural 19.
MATT: That hits. MARISHA: That’s unarmed, right? Okay. Are my feet– my fists can punch ghosts, can my feet kick demons?
MATT: Your unarmed strikes are considered magical as a monk, so your feet also can punch and kick things, you’re fine. TRAVIS: What sound does a football punt make? MARISHA: Like me making the punt or the football making the punt?
TRAVIS: Either one. MARISHA: (grunting) (laughter) That works for both, right? MATT: How much damage? MARISHA: Nine. MATT: Nine points of damage. TRAVIS, MARISHA, and LAURA: (groaning) TRAVIS: Took damage just from the exertion. LAURA: I imagine that’s the sound she made, then. MARISHA: (groaning) MATT: Crack! Your foot impacts the creature’s chest. It’s relatively light, and it feels like you’re hitting a sack of potatoes before it slams into the ceiling and falls back down in place. It looks extremely hurt at the immediate impact. TRAVIS: They’re probably cute. MATT: Continue, you still have another attack. MARISHA: It’s like a Gremlins thing. He’s really cute, pop. Another 19. MATT: All right, roll damage. SAM: Kill this thing.
TRAVIS: Kill Gizmo, let’s go. MARISHA: Seven.
TRAVIS: (high-pitched) No! MATT: As he’s (groaning), you just, “Aw,” (impact). Smack it down and (splattering). LAURA: That’s so sad. LIAM: (cute voice) My baby! MATT: It has collapsed to the ground. LAURA: Oh no! MATT: You hear, “Why?” MARISHA: So guilty! MATT: All right, that finishes– LAURA: I’m really glad I missed them. MATT: You still have your bonus action, and you have ten feet more of movement. MARISHA: Are these guys even in my reach? MATT: They’re not, you have to move up to them. MARISHA: Can I hit them with a staff, though, if I get near them? MATT: Staffs don’t have reach, so it would be the same as just going up to them. I think you have enough movement because you’re a monk and you’re crazy fast. MARISHA: I’ll move forward and then do Patient Defense. MATT: Move forward five more feet? MARISHA: Yeah, I’ll just get in front of Nott. Then hug the wall a little. MATT: Hug the wall a bit on this side? MARISHA: Yeah, I want to be out of other people’s way. MATT: You got it. MARISHA: Patient defense. MATT: You go into your dodge stance, preparing for any sort of assault from head on. That finishes your go. Now it’s their turn. The two creatures on the sides, looking about, one of them is going to look down at you as you go into Patient Defense and go. (growling) And just growl at you. I need you to make a wisdom saving throw for me. MARISHA: Oh no. Wisdom save? Do we still have the thing?
MATT: No. TALIESIN: Yeah, not until I see ghosts. MARISHA: Does this count? MATT: It counts. If it fell, it counted. TRAVIS: But it’s on a lopsided surface. LIAM: It counts. MATT: If it was good, you would have said it counted. It’s fine. Not you, but the whole party would have. MARISHA: Five. MATT: For some reason, the guilt of killing one of these creatures and this thing just screeching at you, the combination of guilt and the visage of this terrible little demon creature scares the shit out of you and you are frightened. LIAM: (growling) MARISHA: You guys, what if their families haunt me forever? TRAVIS: Better you than us. MATT: Then it’s going to leap down from the ground and scurry past and disappear from sight and around the corner. Yep, just out of sight of you, Nott, as well. You’re not quite sure where it is. The other one, the space of where it is, let’s see. Yeah, it’s going to leap down and assault you while the other one scurries around out of the way as you’re frightened, it leaps down to strike at you, angry that you took out its friend. SAM: Kill Beau.
LAURA: No. MATT: Make its claw attack against you. SAM: The cute little gremlin guy. LIAM: We just said that Caleb can see it now? MARISHA: Is my Patient Defense still a thing? MATT: Yes, it is. You’re still, you’re just like (gasping). You’re frighteningly dodging them. All right, that’s 19 to hit. You rolled it twice in a row, 19 to hit. Is that a hit? MARISHA: No. Armor class of 20.
MATT: Ooh, look at that. SAM: What?
TRAVIS: I’m looking at it. MATT: (yelling) You’re slapping it away, scared. MARISHA: I’m sorry. TRAVIS: (repeatedly) No, no, no! MATT: Let’s see. TRAVIS: What other toys does he have at his disposal? LIAM: When that creature dropped into Caleb’s sight, I can see a straight line, so Fire Bolt away. MATT: Go for it. LIAM: 18 to hit. MATT: That hits. Roll damage. LIAM:Shite.Where did the spell go? 2d10, 2d10. Seven points of damage. MATT: Seven points of damage, all right. It bursts, the flame hits it, but it seems to not quite burn and char as much as you were hoping. As it’s released and hits it, it looks towards you and (grunting) skitters and is going to attempt to flee out of range. Beau, you do get an attack. MARISHA: Oh, I can still attack it? MATT: If you want to, yeah. MARISHA: Frightened just means I can’t get closer, right? MATT: You can’t get closer and you have disadvantage if the creature is within sight in source of your fright but it has moved out of the way, so it’s just a regular strike. MARISHA: Sentinel, bitches. That hits with a 22. MATT: 22 hits, yeah. MARISHA: 24? 20– it hits. 11 and he is not moving. MATT: Oh, he’s definitely not moving because you (boof) and just splat him on the ground. MARISHA: Oh, I did it again. SAM: Gerbil killer. TRAVIS: Wow. These are the last of their line. MATT: Now there’s two of their corpses lifelessly there, akimbo in the center of this smooth stone floor of the chamber, that finishes their go. Fjord, you’re up. TRAVIS: Yeah, I’m going to dash double for a whopping speed of 60 feet, make it down the hallway, turn a agosh. MATT: As you turn around the corner, you do see the other creature is right about here and is running the other direction. TRAVIS: Hey! MATT: You’ve got ten more feet there, if you want to. You can’t quite get into melee with it, but you’re ten feet behind it. TRAVIS: That’s my turn. MATT: Finishes your go. Finishing Fjord’s turn, Caduceus, you’re up. TALIESIN: I’m going to move 30 feet ahead. Can I see anything? MATT: (counting) 30 right there. You see Fjord around the corner. That’s all you can see from your current place, unfortunately. TALIESIN: All right. Yeah, that’s not– TRAVIS: He’s a-running! TALIESIN: I’m actually just going to use my bonus action to get underneath the little stone thing. I’m going to move up forward, I mean I’m going to use my action– MATT: To move up underneath here? TALIESIN: Yeah, I want to get a little further up. MATT: Okay, you move a little further up, and you now have eye contact. TALIESIN: I now have eye contact, but I don’t have any good bonus actions. I don’t think I have anything bonus action-y I can do. No. MATT: That ends your go. Then, following up from Caduceus, we have Nott. SAM: I will, Nott will, still invisible, run ahead. Rejoining. MATT: 15, 20, 25, 30. 35 gets you into melee with the creature. SAM: I will continue running past the creature. TRAVIS: Yeah! MATT: Five, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30. The creature does hear you rush past, because you’re not trying to move stealthily. It just lashes out. It has disadvantage on the attack. Probably not going to do anything. Natural 20. But has disadvantage. Four, yeah, total nine. It scratches out into space where it thinks you might be, but you’re already ten feet ahead, no issue. LIAM: (as Gollum) Thief! MATT: You have darted past. SAM: What is up there, more hallway? MATT: The hallway continues on from what you can immediately see before curving to the right a bit. About 30 feet ahead of you. SAM: I’ll go to the curve. I’ll keep going. Use my action. MATT: Okay, full movement. You move ahead and get right to the base of where the curve is up ahead, up there. SAM: Okay.
MATT: All right. MATT: That finishes Nott’s go, Yasha’s up. TRAVIS: Oh, Yasha will dash her full speed, 80 feet. MATT: 70, 75, 80. Yasha does get into melee with the creature, just running past. Pushing off the edge of the corner and darting around the other way. TRAIVS: (as Yasha) Hello. MATT: That finishes Yasha’s go. TRAVIS: With her bonus action, she would like to to rage. MATT: Okay, Yasha goes into a rage. Top of the next combat round, Jester, you’re up. LAURA: Oh, okay. I’m going to come out from my hidey hole and I’m going to say: Catch up, Caleb. I’m going to take off. If I do my normal action, can I see the bug? MATT: You cannot see it currently. LAURA: Balls! I’m going to just run around the corner, then. MATT: Okay. 30.
LAURA: Oh, wait! No, I’m not going to do that. I’m going to be back where I was. I’m going to use my action to pick up the carcasses of the two little other gremlins.
SAM: Looting them? LAURA: No, I’m going to put them in the bag for, our moor– our things need food. MATT: Okay, they’re big enough to the point where it’ll take you a while to try and squeeze them into the bag of holding that Fjord has. Your handy haversack, unfortunately, the pockets aren’t large enough to fit an entire two foot corpse into it. SAM: You could just carry it. MARISHA: I want to see you try! MATT: You can spend your action gathering their lifeless bodies. LIAM: It’s the thought that counts. LAURA: I’ll just get one of them and start using my axe to chop it up. MATT: That will, however, allow you to put it in your handy haversack. TRAVIS: Wow! MATT: All right, that finishes Jester’s go. LAURA: Yarnball is hungry, you guys! MATT: You’re up, Caleb. LIAM: I am not going to dash. I am just going to walk up and watch as Jester is destroying this thing and say: That is more familiar than I would like, and I am just going to watch our backs– LAURA: I’m making snacks! LIAM: — hold a Fire Bolt if anything comes behind us. MATT: You got it. That finishes your go. Beau, you’re up. You are still frightened. MARISHA: (yelling) LAURA: What’s the matter, Beau? MARISHA: What have I done? I just punch myself and I’m going to take an action to do Stillness of Mind and slap myself out a bit. MATT: Okay. SAM: What is that? MATT: You can ignore the frightened condition, right? MARISHA: Yeah, I get to just shrug off a frightened or charmed condition, so I just– They’re ugly! And then I keep running. MATT: You got it, all right. Now, actually, it only lasts until– no, it can repeat the saving throw. Does it go away entirely, as part of the ability, or do you just shrug it off for the round? LIAM: D&D Beyond! MATT: I can check it up right now. MARISHA: Yep, hang on. Features and traits, features and traits. MATT: Yes, indeed. ALL: (tune of “Breaking the Law”) Features and traits. LIAM: Guys, this is a show where you get to watch us repeat phrases. MATT: It is ended, correct. MARISHA: Would it make sense for me to roll to try and shrug it off before I took an action? But it still takes an action to roll. MATT: Well, no, at the end of your turn, you get a chance to roll it off each turn, so yes, it does allow you to move forward. MARISHA: Okay, cool.
MATT: All right, so you just slap slap slap. It was tiny. You killed two of its friends super quick, why were you so scared? MARISHA: I don’t want children, and I just keep running forward. (laughter) MATT: All right, it’s getting a little crowded here in this tunnel area. You could move past your friends and move up to Yasha, next to this creature if you want to. Actually, no, it’s going to be a bit tight. You probably have to hold back for now. That’s as far as you can get. MARISHA: Yeah.
MATT: All right. MATT: Creature’s turn. The little thing is turned around, it sees you and then Yasha rushes up and it’s like (grunting) and it sees Beau and it’s like (frustrated growl). You see like it tenses its whole body like it’s about to just take a shit and it vanishes. LAURA: Oh no! SAM: It’s a blink gremlin. MATT: You see these little foot patters away. Yasha does get an attack of opportunity, a Sentinel attack if she wants to take it. It has disadvantage because it is invisible. MARISHA: Sentinel bitches. TRAVIS: (mumbling) Disadvantage, no, it’s an eight. Eight, nope. She swings, the blade scrapes across the stone on the side of the wall, sparks shower off, but it hits nothing, and you just see the little patters vanish into the tunnel ahead. TALIESIN: Is it going to pass Nott? MATT: You don’t know where Nott is. TALIESIN: Well, I mean, I’m just saying, Nott would get an attack of opportunity if they– MATT: It would if they got caught up to it. TALIESIN: Okay.
SAM: Nott’s awesome perception will definitely see and hear it coming. TRAVIS: Invisible like invisible. MATT: Finishing their go, Fjord, you’re up. TRAVIS: Oh, is it my turn? There are like footprints in the dust? MATT: Not– if you want to take an action to investigate, you’ll probably find the footprints. TRAVIS: I do not. I charge ahead blindly. SAM: That’s the first track off your album, right? TRAVIS: (singing) Footprints in the dust! Sunsets in my mind! Onward. MATT: All right, so you go charging down the hallway. 30 feet. You keep moving beyond that? TRAVIS: Is there more to get to the junction where? MATT: It curves to the right about 20 feet ahead of you. If you use your action to dash, you’ll be able to just turn around the corner. TRAVIS: I don’t see anything, but I’m just going to go ahead and go “Uh!” and fire two Eldritch Blasts down the hallway. MATT: Go ahead and make two attacks with disadvantage. First one is? TRAVIS: That is balls because that’s a 12. MATT: 12, hits the nearby stone, no impact. The other? TRAVIS: Oh, the second one is an 18. MATT: An 18. I need you to roll a D6 for me. One to three, it hits the creature. On a four to six, it hits Nott. TRAVIS: Two.
MATT: Hits the creature. (cheering) MATT: As you were firing blindly into a tunnel in the direction of two invisible creatures. Lucky you, and suddenly (explosion). You see some dust stumble on the ground. How much damage does it take? TRAVIS: It is 11 points of Eldritch Blast. MATT: 11 points of Eldritch Blast. All right, you hear (grunting). That’s as much as you make out. You hear it loudly to the left of you. Like ten feet behind, you see this flash of eldritch energy from the impact of one of Fjord’s attacks, and you just hear this growling, grumpy sound. That does bring us to Caduceus’ go. TALIESIN: I’m going to 30 feet ahead, again. MATT: All righty. LAURA: You have to duck under that arch, though. TALIESIN: I do have to duck. LAURA: You’re so tall. MATT: Actually, no, you can probably move through Yasha and get up to there, we’ll say. TALIESIN: Yeah, I don’t want to leave too many stragglers behind, so that’ll do. MATT: All right, that finishes your go, Caduceus. Nott. SAM: First I will say: (weakly) Fjord. Why did you kill me? (laughter) Then I’ll continue forward. TRAVIS: Oh no. Nott, Nott? TALIESIN: Actually, while I was running by Yasha, I would love to cast Resistance on Yasha. MATT: Okay, fair enough, you got it. LAURA: What’s the name of these creatures, do we know? MATT: Make a religion check for me. LAURA: Ooh, an 18. MATT: 18. Looking at their physicality, their emotion, they are quasits.
LAURA: Quasits. MATT: Very, very, very, very lower end fiends. LAURA: I’ll write “quasit chunks” in my bag. MATT: Yes, quasit chunks, put that down. TRAVIS: Take my spurs, but not my goblin girl! (laughter) TRAVIS: Cry out, Nott! Cry out! MATT: All right.
SAM: I’m going to continue and use my action to– is there, what is the surface of the walls?
MATT: As you curve around, it’s a continuation of this tunnel, it dips down a little bit, and it continues forward, and it opens out into a chamber about 80 feet ahead of you. SAM: It’ll take all my action dash and bonus to get to the–
MATT: To get to the front, like the mouth of that chamber. Right now, you can just barely see at the limitations of your darkvision. If you start moving forward, you begin to see the tunnel creep open and open. SAM: I’ll get to the mouth of the thing. Wherever it may be. MATT: You got it. You get up to there, and I’ll get to your description there in just a second. Yasha? TRAVIS: Yeah, Yasha runs past Fjord and slams him in the shoulder, since she thinks Fjord killed Nott. She just looks around as she see anything? MATT: Make an action to do a perception check. TRAVIS: Okay. That’s a 12. MATT: She does not see anything, unfortunately. TRAVIS: That’s it. Her rage drops. MATT: Jester. LAURA: I guess I’ll stuff the pieces in my bag. And start skipping down the hallway to meet up with everybody else. SAM: We’re having three different encounters here. I’m on a different map. You’re at butchery class. TALIESIN: Farming, man. MATT: Yeah, standard. MARISHA: Fjord’s having a mental breakdown. TRAVIS: Oh god! MATT: All righty, finish Jester’s go, Caleb. LIAM: I’m just going to watch Jester skip away, look down at all the blood and gore on the ground, throw a Fire Bolt at the gore to dry it out, and that’s the end of my turn. MATT: Okay, stay put?
LIAM: Yeah. MATT: Burst of flame and you hear the sizzling of whatever fiendish flesh was left behind in that small puddle. It boils into this like black thick tar-like substance is left behind after the flame dies down into a slow– LIAM: One last thing. (gags) MATT: Okay, cool, that’s Caleb’s turn. Beau. MARISHA: I’m going to move forward as well towards– MATT: Okay. We’ll say for the purposes of this, since the creature is not visible, and at this point, everyone seems to have lost visual on where it may be, the encounter itself is no longer a combat encounter. As such, we are now out of combat. TRAVIS: Should we check that hallway for special shit? LAURA: Probably. TALIESIN: Well, I mean, yeah. It also means– SAM: (like Fjord) Special shit. MATT: A brief burst of intense, quick, not necessarily dangerous combat, but a curious encounter with three creatures, one of which seems to have gotten away. You all take a moment to look amongst yourselves to see who’s okay. Nott is still nowhere to be seen. LAURA: What happened to Nott? LIAM: Pull out the wire. Nott, can you hear me? We do not know where you are. Do you have a plan. What are you doing? TRAVIS: She’s wounded! I think I hit her. LIAM: You can reply to this message. SAM: Just tell Fjord that he killed me. LIAM: Fjord, Nott wants you to know that she’s dead, that you killed her. TRAVIS: She wants–?
MARISHA: Wait, can you talk to people beyond the grave now? TRAVIS: Little shit. Nott! Nott! MATT: You hear them, like an echo behind you in the hallway. SAM: I will cast Message to Fjord. (eerily) It’s me. From beyond the veil. TRAVIS: No! SAM: You can reply to this message. TRAVIS: Double dash out the tunnel. (yelling) MATT: You go charging back as Jester’s walking by with this large– her bright pink colored handy haversack she had made is now just splattered with like thick purple blood. LAURA: Where are you going? TRAVIS: (horrified startled sounds) LAURA: I got snacks.
TRAVIS: Stacks of what? LAURA: Snacks.
TRAVIS: Oh my god. LAURA: It’s-a called a quasit. TRAVIS: It’s-a called a quasit? (laughter) LAURA: Yeah. That’s what we were fighting.
TRAVIS: Okay. TRAVIS: Snacks for who, Jester? LAURA: For Yarnball. TRAVIS: Nice. You don’t need any help carrying that, right? LAURA: Would I know if that’s okay for Yarnball to eat? MATT: Make a nature check. LAURA: Ooh. 17. MATT: 17. You have had no previous knowledge of moorbounders existing. From what time you’ve interacted with them, they seem fairly hardy creatures that are adapted to the harsh environments of Xhorhas. You also know that Xhorhas, based on its historical nature has long been assaulted and home to a number of fiendish creatures and forces left over from the Calamity, so it’s possible. LAURA: I think Yarnball will really like it. TRAVIS: Can’t wait to find out. Shall we join the others? LIAM: I walk past them and pull the wire back up and say: Nott, what is the play here? What are you doing? Are you scouting ahead? SAM: I’ll tell you exactly what I see. MATT: First off, make a perception check for me. SAM: Six. (laughter) SAM: Tip of the spear. MATT: So. Sitting there at the mouth of this– TRAVIS: Who built this rogue?! MATT: This cavern opening. TRAVIS: Wise? Fuck it. SAM: I took all my perception points and put them into drinking. MATT: Priorities. LIAM: Same. MATT: So. It opens up both ways into this oddly curved cavern, this space that widens and then curves around about 80 to 100 feet side to side, with a large cylindrical rock that sits in the center like a pillar. It seems like two tunnels that curve around. What might have been an open chamber, but there is a central pillar of natural rock that sits to blockade the central portion of this chamber. Immediately in front of you, you see an area where some of the rock is pulled away and there is a little pool of water. Maybe about 25 feet across with rocks and various other stalagmites piercing through from underneath. The entire interior looks like a creepy jaw of some massive creature with the number of stalactites and stalagmites that all intersecting and pressing against each other and meeting to where it looks like this frightening wide maw of tiny dagger-like teeth. It is a natural cavern. You can only see to where it begins to, both sides of it curve around, and then vanish ahead into darkness. SAM: I describe all this and keep going. MATT: Okay. You guys all hanging back while Nott continues to scout?
LIAM: Do you want us to keep a safe distance or what would you like us to do? SAM: Just in case, stay. LAURA and SAM: (singing) Stay-yay-yay. TRAVIS: (singing) Stay the night! SAM: I’m going to go left. Stay at the mouth of the room until you hear further. LIAM: She wants to have a look around, we are going to hang back. She is going left, come on. MARISHA: Remind her that I can punch ghosts. LIAM: I’m not going to do that. Then I walk forward. TRAVIS: Is there anything about these tunnels that looks like they were dug or is there anything embedded in the walls? MATT: Make an investigation check. TRAVIS: Oh, shit.
LIAM: Roll us another three. MATT: Well, here, actually no. Make a perception check. TRAVIS: No, investigation’s better! MATT: You’re checking the walls… Investigation or perception, your choice. Both will get you different information. SAM: If only there was a Handbooker Helper– TRAVIS: 24. SAM: — about this very topic. MARISHA: So topical! TRAVIS: I’m investigating our surroundings. MATT: Where the two creatures were on the wall, where they were scratching their claws, you go over and take a brief look at the grooves that they’ve been grinding into the stone. It would seem to resemble some sort of a scratching post, but if you look closely, there’s a pattern to their scratching. There are a number of points of scratching across the wall in this region. They’re each about a foot apart from each other, and there seems to be an implicit design to them. LAURA: Oh. TRAVIS: Hey, hey, hey, guys, fellers. Ladies. You know, where those things were scratching, it looks like there’s a little bit of a pattern up here. LAURA: Like what, like runes or like words or something or like drawings? TRAVIS: No, I mean, I don’t know about any of that, it just seems like a little, you know, repetitive. They seem to be a certain distance from each other. LIAM: Does it appear to be a language of some kind? MATT: It may. MARISHA: Does it appear to be a cant? LAURA: Does it appear to be dicks? MATT: Your dick sense does not tell you that these are phallic in design in any way. You can make an arcana check if you’d like, Caleb. TRAVIS and MARISHA: Dick sense. SAM: Once per day. MATT: It’s a very special paladin oath you’ve got to take for that one. LIAM: That is a 27. MATT: 27, okay. You know exactly what these are. Only because of your research and studying. The basis of these glyphs is Abyssal. They are what are called anchor glyphs. They are designed to be the basis of larger gates. When permanent enchantments are developed and designed to instill longterm doorways between planes, realms. Even some of the more rudimentary teleportation circles, and you catch this because you’ve recently found a spell of a similar type incantation. You can catch the similarities, that this is on a larger and more ancient scale. Not completed, by any means, but you can see the beginnings of what is the groundwork being laid for a larger doorway. LIAM: That was my question. They were a bit of a gate construction crew and we stopped them mid– MATT: You could interpret that as a possibility, yeah. LIAM: Well, I relay that to everyone. TRAVIS; Yasha reads Abyssal, but these are runes? More like symbols?
MATT: Yeah. LIAM: Abyssal in nature.
MATT: Yeah. MATT: As you say this, Yasha walks up and goes, “Yeah, it’s Abyssal.” LIAM: What does it say? MATT: “It’s not really a language. It’s just the letters.” LAURA: Should we scratch them out or something so that it doesn’t work? LIAM: That’s a good idea. TALIESIN: Maybe Yasha’s sword might be the tool for that. LAURA: Oh, yeah, because she can Dispel at the same time, right? MARISHA: Because I’m pretty sure this has got to be rooted in magic, right? TRAVIS: Somebody want to check that? LIAM: Are these giving anything off, Cad? TALIESIN: It’ll be my only check of the evening, but might as well do that. I’m going to Detect Magic. MATT: Okay, you Detect Magic. You do not sense any magical aura from these runes. Based on your findings and your understanding of the way they’ve been carved in, no incantation has been completed. This was essentially the very first step in building what was intended to be placed here. LIAM: I think we could just rely on brute force and not–
MATT: You get about halfway through that sentence before Yasha is now grinding across the stone work.
TRAVIS: Whoa, hey, whoa! TRAVIS: Maybe we should leave it as evidence in case we need to prove that there was some sort of an entrance, right? MARISHA: We do have to take something back to– TALIESIN: A little bit of damage, there’s no harm. LAURA: So that, you know, it can’t be completed, but we will definitely– TRAVIS: Maybe we can carve out a section of it, throw it in the old bag of holding. LIAM: Single glyph on a fragment of stone? LAURA: Like a stalactite or anything that we could cut off or something with a symbol on it? MATT: There’s not embedded in stalactites. They’re more on the wall edges of the actual tunnel. It looks like they were forming an archway, essentially, with these runes. And after Yasha, Yasha says like, “Carving it out’s a little bit beyond my capabilities “with a sword.” MARISHA: I take a piece of paper from my journal and I take some charcoal and I put it up against there and I–
MATT: Ooh, and do a rub, nice. Okay. Using that, a few different places. MARISHA: Art class, elementary school! MATT: There it is, five seconds, you got it. MARISHA: I didn’t trust it. TRAVIS: I don’t know why, it’s not like Travis presents himself as an untrustworthy fucker. TRAVIS: Pitfalls of friendship. MARISHA: Control! MATT: I’d say within a minute you have charcoal rubbings of six or seven of the different glyphs on the wall. There are some that are repeated. You get at least six or seven individual glyphs. MARISHA: Cool. MATT: Do you wish to continue to destroy any of them? TRAVIS: I think we’re good. LIAM: I think we should destroy all of them. TRAVIS: Well, I think we should destroy all of them. LAURA: I’m going to use my axe to just hit a couple of them. MATT: Does anyone have any sort of chisels or tools? LIAM: I pull out a small clay cat’s paw and cast Maximilian’s Earthen Grasp, and a giant cat’s hand extends out of the stone wall and starts dragging all along the edges of it. MATT: This large like stone behemoth type cat claw carves out of the wall. As it pushes up through the stone, you hear the cracking and binding and the pressure that is sundering the element of the earth that is crumbling and leaving stones and pebbles behind in its wake. In its path, all of the runes, as it goes around from the floor to ceiling to floor, are dashed and left completely unrecognizable. SAM: Wow. TALIESIN: That’ll do it.
TRAVIS: Meow. LAURA: Is the rest of the cat like in the rock? Where is it? LIAM: The rest of the cat is in my heart. LAURA: So you’ve got a big heart. LIAM: Hmm. MATT: While this is happening, Nott. SAM: Ahh! MATT: Which way are you going, right or left? SAM: Left. MATT: You head left. You maneuver through the darkness. Quietly, ever so quietly. You come around the edge and you can see there’s other strange pieces of stone that are pushing out of the topography of the ground here as you curve around the left side. There’s clusters of stalagmites everywhere and the ground here is actually hard to move through in places. It’s wider and in some cases more pinched based on how heavy the clusters of the natural stone formations fill the space around you. It creates, as you move through here, I mean, there are no shadows because there’s no light, but it creates this path you have to follow to really make it through. As you push around the left side and go around the corner, this is a loop. You can see now it begins to turn around and would seem to gather with the opposite end where you came through, but you see nothing. You don’t make any visual contact with anything that catches your eye. You continue around and eventually return back to where you began. SAM: I’ll go, if they’re still fucking off back there, I’ll go check out the pool of water. MATT: Okay. You step up to the edge of the pool of water. It is still. It is unmoving. The smell coming off of it is not pleasant. It’s stagnant. It has a musky, heavy bacterial smell to it. You can’t really see below the surface. You don’t know how deep it is. It’s maybe about five to ten feet across at points and is clustered in a half moon shape around the base of where the edges of the tunnel meet to fill that central pillar. SAM: Nothing behind it, right, like? MATT: Nothing that you can– SAM: Behind it is like the pillar, right? MATT: Yeah, where the two tunnels go around, there’s that central space where the rock is blocking what would be an open chamber. It’s affixed to the base of that. SAM: Oh, I see.
LAURA: Would you say it smells similar to the liquid inside of Scanlan’s mug? MATT: Worse, no, nothing can be worse than that. Comparable. SAM:: All right, hmm. I’ll just check around for traps. Because I’m not going in without them. MATT: Okay, go ahead and make a Perception Check for this one. You’re just looking around a natural space– SAM: 16.
MATT: All righty. MATT: You glance around in the immediate vicinity of the base of this pool and around the entranceway and nothing catches your attention. It’s a pretty natural cavern. SAM: Up, anything up? MATT: Looking up, you don’t see any traps hanging above. Nothing. SAM: Caleb, it’s a dead end here and there’s water, I can’t go in, I need you, come. LIAM: Okay, coming. TALIESIN: Are we moving? LIAM: Nott is– hold a second, and I will walk carefully. I will stealth up. MATT: Yeah, make a stealth check for me, please. LAURA: I can see you. (laughter) LIAM: 18.
MATT: 18. Okay. TALIESIN: I can definitely see you. MATT: Cool. So. As you move up around the corner, head down into the interior. You don’t see anybody. LIAM: I take out the wire. (whispers) Nott, what part of this chamber are you in? SAM: The water part. Right in front of you. I’m waving my hand, can’t you see me? I’m literally jumping up and down. LIAM: What do you want to do? SAM: (louder) Hey, I’m over here! (grating) Follow my voice. LIAM: (laughing) I walk over to the sound of the voice. MATT: Okay, you walk over and the smell of the water catches you. It’s wafting up from the pool. SAM: Where’s everyone else? LIAM: I told them to wait a moment. I’m scanning the room and looking myself for– SAM: No, you can’t be here by yourself, you’re puny and weak. Oh, god. LIAM: A gate, a door, what’s happening? TRAVIS: Oh no, oh no! SAM: Unsolicited whisper, D&D Beyond, guys. They’re looking for some new employees. You could work for the company that I’m about to run. Therefore, you’re applying for the job of being my minion. MARISHA: He’s rolling. SAM: He’s rolling? What is happening? There’s a second game of D&D going on back here. LAURA: Are you going to be mind controlled? What’s going on? LIAM: Wowie wee wow. MATT: You don’t, yeah. What are you guys doing? TRAVIS: We’re waiting because the wizard told us to stay put. SAM: Caleb, are you okay? LIAM: So good. So good. SAM: Shouldn’t we call the others? LIAM: That would be a 12 by the way. MATT: Yes, I know.
LIAM: Okay, good. SAM: Should we call the others or? LIAM: No, we’re good. I think we’re all right. I think this is– SAM: Well, if you think we’re okay, I guess we’ll just wait here, then.
LIAM: Yeah. MATT: The rest of you guys? MARISHA: I’m going to do another scan of the cavern. MATT: Where you are?
MARISHA: Yeah. MARISHA: I’m going to just look for any like marks or identifying things. MATT: Make a Perception check. MARISHA: Were they trying to build roads, underground tunnel system? Fucking shit. Just perception? MATT: Perception or investigation, up to you. MARISHA: I’ll do investigation because it’s higher at a nine. MATT: Okay. Looks like Fjord covered it. LAURA: How far away are they? MATT: They’re like, maybe 100 feet ahead of you guys. LAURA: Can we see them? MATT: No, there’s no light source in there. SAM: Something’s been bugging me, Caleb. While we’re alone, I figure now’s as good a time as any. I have a confession to make. A while back, I wrote a letter to someone that you know. Astrid. Remember her? Hello? You told me about her and I think maybe it was a mistake in retrospect, but I wrote her a letter. I was hoping to maybe reconnect you, someone from your past might–I’m over here, by the way. (laughter) MATT: The rest of you, what are you doing? LAURA: How long do we have to wait, though? MARISHA: They’re the ones that can do the message stuff. They both went together. LIAM: You are telling me this– SAM: More whispers! LIAM: You are telling me this right now? SAM: Well, I mean, we’re alone and there’s obviously no danger around, so I figured right now would be a good time to tell you. LIAM: Well, we will have this discussion later. For now, just get the rest up here and we will– SAM: Oh, you want me to get the rest. LIAM: Well, no, we can–everything’s fine, come up. TRAVIS: Oh, all right, we’re going, we join. LAURA: That was stupid, why’d we have to wait, then? TRAVIS: Nothing to worry about, huh? Coast is clear? LAURA: Stomp stomp stomp. TRAVIS: Seems strange only those three little buggers would be the only thing– LIAM: Nott is just getting strangely personal and enigmatic. SAM: I’m sorry, I just thought you should know. MATT: The rest of you guys are walking up towards the entrance of this cavern, with the light from Caduceus opening the space. You can see across from the entrance way, where it opens up, there’s a little pool of water. You don’t see Nott, because you’re still invisible, correct, but you see Caleb turn, and looking towards you all with this half cocked eyebrow, head tilted to the side slightly, in the back of your head, little voice just says, “Light them up, pretty.” I need all of you guys to roll a dexterity saving throws. Caleb lifts a hand and casts Fireball right on the front entranceway, where you’re all standing. MARISHA: (yelling) LAURA: I don’t want to roll. MARISHA: A dex saving throw? MATT: Dexterity saving throw. TRAVIS: Holy shit. LIAM: Yeah, I let it go. That’s a fourth level, too, so that is– LAURA: Oh no. I didn’t roll high enough. TALIESIN: Dex save?
MATT: Dexterity saving throw. TALIESIN: Do you have the node? Who has the node? LAURA: I don’t remember who has the node. I think I have the node! I’m going to roll again. MATT: Go for it.
TRAVIS: Three for me. MATT: Failure.
TRAVIS: 20 for Yasha total. MATT: Yasha succeeds, she takes half damage. Beau. MARISHA: 12.
MATT: Fail. MARISHA: Half damage, though, because evasion. MATT: Correct. LAURA: 14. LIAM: I did too. MATT: 14 does not succeed. MATT: I’m pretty sure, Caleb, your DC is 16. LIAM: 16 and I did it at 4th-level, and it is 34. MATT: So 34 points of fire damage to Fjord. 12–no, sorry. TRAVIS: 16?
MATT: 16 points to Yasha. 16 points to you, Beau. 34 points to you, Jester. Caduceus, what’d you get? TALIESIN: 34 points to me.
MATT: 34 points of damage. I’ll be right back with the battlefield. (yelling) MARISHA: Fuck! LIAM: This is fucking rad! TRAVIS: You fucked me up, man! LAURA: Why did you have to make it 4th-level?! He didn’t tell you to make it 4th-level! MARISHA: Yeah, why’d you do 4th-level?! LIAM: Well, she did this really spooky sexy speech in my ear. MARISHA: Ooh, succubus bitch. LAURA: If we die–
LIAM: That was awesome. LAURA: –I’m going to be super pissed. TRAVIS: Oh no. MATT: Caleb, you were right here. LIAM:Ja.MATT: Nott, you are invisible over here next to the water. LAURA: Should I have rolled for Nugget? LIAM: That was the surprise round, bitches. MATT: You should roll for Nugget, yes. You’re keeping your dog with you. MARISHA: Fuck. SAM: Oh god. LAURA: Oh no, Nugget’s dead. SAM: Hey, more food for the bounder. LAURA: No! MATT: How much fire damage is that to Nugget? LIAM: It was 34 total. LAURA: Nugget’s dead! MATT: Unconscious, at least. TRAVIS: (laughs) LAURA: You killed Nugget! LIAM: Crispy critter. MATT: I need you guys to roll initiative. TRAVIS: Oh my god. What did you do? LIAM: Was not ready for PvP. MARISHA: Don’t fuck me, Gil. TALIESIN: Oh my god, that’s terrible. Damn it, damn it. TRAVIS: What the fuck? LIAM: I rolled really average, guys. LAURA: Like 25? LIAM: 11, average. TALIESIN: Damn it, damn it, damn it. TRAVIS: Shit. Shit, shit, shit. MATT: So. TRAVIS: Fuck! TALIESIN: This is really not good. MATT: 25 to 20? All right. SAM: Wait a second, wait. Because Nugget just went unconscious, does Liam go catatonic? MATT: Liam didn’t see it. Nugget was behind the edge of the curvature. Liam might; Caleb’s fine. TRAVIS: This is gorgeous, by the way. MATT: Thank you. So, 20 to 15. TRAVIS: Yasha got an 18.
SAM: 17. MARISHA: 15. MATT: Yasha, Nott. Then Beau? TRAVIS: Yeah, Yasha, Nott, Beau. MATT: Got it, all right. 15 to ten. LAURA: 14. MATT: Is it 14? TRAVIS: Jester, Caleb. LIAM: Caleb at 11. MATT: And Caduceus.
TALIESIN: Nine. Motherfucking nine. MARISHA: Oh. Fjordy Fjord? SAM: Is that Fjord or Yasha? TRAVIS: Fjord got a two. MATT: Fjord at the end. TALIESIN: Goddamn it. TRAVIS: No initiative bonus. MATT: At the top of the round. TRAVIS and MARISHA: Fuck. MARISHA: Was it, it was me and Percy who got, oh, we got possessed last time. MATT: Stepping out of the corner this way, Fjord, previously what you saw was the male bugbear figure. It was spectral earlier. It’s now standing there, the faint pink skin, but now is more of a humanoid form. You can see ripped muscles, like an adonis of a male figure, with these glowing yellow eyes, sharpened teeth. These wings, leathery, folded behind the shoulders. Steps around the corner and just goes– and you hear in the back of your mind, lips not moving, just voice go, “Join your friend, come on.” Make a wisdom saving throw. TRAVIS: Oh no. LIAM: Join me, join me, Fjord. TRAVIS: Seven. LIAM: Yes! LAURA: Oh no, we’re going to die. MATT: You feel the influence tug at you and this creature, this entity is everything. Imagine what this thing and Uk’otoa could do together. TRAVIS: Oh no. MATT: You are charmed by it. That brings us, that finishes– he’s going to dart back, out of view there. LIAM: (whispering) Get Caduceus and complete the trio. TRAVIS: We’re in deep shit. We’re in deep fucking shit. MATT: That’s all they got that go. Yasha’s turn. Yasha is now recovering from the blast of flame that just filled the interior of the cavern. TRAVIS: Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. Yeah, Yasha will rush forward. MATT: Five, 10, 15, 20. She looks into the chamber. She doesn’t see anything. TRAVIS: Just Caleb and that’s it, can’t see anything else? MATT: Just Caleb, that’s it. TRAVIS: She will run past to the left, just fill out, next 20 feet. TALIESIN: We’re not going to deal with the– TRAVIS: Can’t see it. TALIESIN: Oh, I was talking about the wizard. MATT: She doesn’t know where it came from. She was around the corner. That’s her movement. She has an action still. TRAVIS: She would like to ragé. MATT: Okay, rage is up. TRAVIS: As a bonus and her action she– she doesn’t know Caleb is charmed. She doesn’t know anything. Could you dispel a charm if you have Dispel Magic? Could you dispel a charm on somebody? SAM: You could try. TRAVIS: She doesn’t know. MATT: She has no idea. She has no idea what’s going on. TRAVIS: She’ll hold her melee attack if someone comes within range. MATT: What was Yasha’s initiative again? TRAVIS: 18. MATT: So I’ll say simultaneously, as Yasha comes around the corner, there’s just a hint of a red in the distance, like back in this area. She doesn’t quite see the source of it, she just sees a little– TRAVIS: That would draw her attention. MATT: Glance over in that direction. She’s holding her action you said? TRAVIS: Holding her action for someone to come within– MATT: You got it. That finishes the action, Nott, you’re up. You just watched your friend suddenly turn around and burn all the rest of your allies in the tunnel. SAM: I think I would assume that that is not normal behavior, although I’m not 100 percent sure. With this guy, he’s a littlewoosometimes. Either way, I will try to take him out of the equation. I will, dropping invisibility, cast Tasha’s Hideous Laughter at Caleb and try to charm him with a joke. Hey Caleb, how many Zemnians does it take to light a lantern? One, they’re efficient and humorless. That’s it. MATT: Make a wisdom saving throw. LIAM: What do I have to beat? SAM: Just 14– oh. LIAM: I beat it. MATT: Yeah. It’s not funny. LIAM: What’s the punchline mean? SAM: Oh god, I will run and hide. I’ll go back. Back behind– yeah. MATT: So you’re no longer invisible. SAM: I’ll go back behind Yasha, on the other side of Yasha. Like near those stalagmites. MATT: Over here? SAM: Yeah, and then bonus action hide. MATT: Okay, we’ll say small enough. You can move over there. Make your stealth check. SAM: 26.
MATT: 26, all right. You feel pretty confident darting in the side, pushing against the rock wall, and the nearby stalagmite, you’re held aloft and nothing should be able to see you. SAM: Okay. MATT: That finishes your go, Nott. Beau, you’re up. Jester, you’re on deck. MARISHA: What did I see? MATT: You turn around the corner, and just fire. You’re just like (groaning) and as soon as you saw the flash, your instincts kicked in and you jumped out of the way to try to evade out of it. It still caught you, but you look forward and all you see is Caleb looking strange with his hand extended, and you see Yasha run past, and Nott tell a joke, look disappointed, and then dart off and disappear into the shadow. TRAVIS: We are pros. MATT: That’s all you’ve seen. TRAVIS: Super pros. MARISHA: Okay, so no real confirmation it was Caleb. MATT: Not really. MARISHA: His hand is up.
MATT: His hand was up. Deduction’s up to you. MARISHA: Yeah. SAM: (cooing) Caleb’s a killer. (laughter) SAM: (cooing) He’ll murder us all. MARISHA: I’m going to run towards Caleb while asking: What happened? MATT: 15, 20. All right. MARISHA: I’m just going to grab Caleb by the wrist and look at him, say: Is this the day? Is this the day we all feared? Do I have to kill you now? You okay? LIAM: That’s the end of your turn. MARISHA: That’s the end of my turn. MATT: Okay.
MARISHA: Straight up. Asking if he’s okay. MATT: Okay, that ends Beau’s turn. Jester, you’re up. LAURA: Okay. TRAVIS: Fuck. TALIESIN: Do you get a saving throw against charmed every round, or…? MATT: You don’t know. Different effects work in different ways. TALIESIN: That’s fair.
LIAM: Matt’ll tell us. MATT: Yeah, you’ll find out when it gets there. LIAM: I’m living out my fantasies of killing all of you. For four years I’ve been waiting. I’ve been waiting. LAURA: My things are wisdom saves and Caleb’s wisdom is super high. SAM: I assume his intelligence is super high, too. TRAVIS: Yeah, well, his jaw save isn’t super high. Knock that fucker out. LIAM: My AC is pitiful. LAURA: I’m going to run forward and try to separate so he can’t get all of us again and I’m going to go around. TRAVIS: De-cleat that motherfucker. LIAM: Who get what– why are you attacking me? LAURA: How many was that?
LIAM: I’m your friend. MATT: Ten feet there. LAURA: Can I move this way?
MATT: Yes. MATT: 15, 20, 25, 30. You can move there. LAURA: I’m going to cast– SAM: Throw chunks of meat at him. LAURA: I’m going to cast Blindness/Deafness on Caleb. LIAM: Why? LAURA: Because like, if you’re deaf you’ll have a hard time casting your spells. I assume.
LIAM: I’m your friend. Wouldn’t you want me to help you in this endeavor? LAURA: You came around the corner and you cast a Fireball at us. Your hand was up, bitch. MATT: You were right below Fjord, so did see this happen. MARISHA: You saw more than us. TRAVIS: There is no Caleb. LAURA: I know. I’m going to choose Deafness because I feel like Caleb’s– wait, does he have more verbal components? Does he, I would know, does he speak when he casts his spells usually? MATT: Most of them, yeah. In fact, all of them. LAURA: Yeah, I’m going to cast Deafness on him.
MATT: Okay. Go ahead and make– is it a wisdom saving throw? LAURA: Constitution.
MATT: Constitution, go for it. LIAM: Okay. A big bonus to that. That is a 16. LAURA: 16. MATT: Ooh, he resists it! LAURA: Wait, he resists it, but if, but– SAM: But please?
LAURA: No, but– MATT: Your friend’s too good, guys. LAURA: That’s balls. TRAVIS: Somebody bonk this fucking wizard! MATT: For some reason right now– TRAVIS: Fuck! MATT: You’re seeing things clearer. This whole ruse, this whole time has been your friends trying to get you here to kill you, and in the moment that something allies you, you look and your friends are casting magic at you. Jester tries to blind you. LAURA: I was trying to deafen you. MATT: You have to defend yourself. MARISHA: No! I was trying to get through to you! MATT: Jester, that’s your action, and your movement. That your turn? MARISHA: I was trying to be best friends. (laughter) MATT: All right, that ends your turn. LAURA: I’m going to just back up against the wall. MATT: That’s all your movement there. LAURA: I’m going to crouch down as my bonus action. MATT: Okay. Caleb, it’s your turn. SAM: Oh, god.
MATT: Can I see your spell list real fast? SAM: Oh god! LIAM: Probably want to use the one at the bottom, Matt. I think is probably the one to use. MARISHA: What are you trying– why are you helping him? TRAVIS: I’d be doing the same thing. This is great. This is great. MATT: Yeah. MARISHA: Oh my god. SAM: Yeah. MATT: Yeah. TRAVIS: D&D Beyond. All the spells you need to kill your own party. MATT: Yeah. SAM: You have a friend, you want to kill ’em? Go to D&D Beyond. MATT: As that happens, and that moment peaks up in your mind, as you see her finishing casting a spell and Beau’s right in front of you. LIAM: And I will do a line that arcs around me that centers on Beauregard and stretches out to Yasha and to Jester because they are trying to kill me. MATT: Indeed. SAM: No! LAURA: He’s going to kill me. I’m going to die. Caleb is about to kill me. TRAVIS: I understand. LAURA: Then you’re going to finish me off. MATT: As this wall suddenly bursts up, right in front of Caleb, off the side of the chamber there. What’s the damage? MARISHA: Do I get evasion for something like this? LAURA: Yeah, do we get to roll
a dexterity check? MATT: He’s going to let you know what you need with the damage being this side of the wall. LIAM: 16. MARISHA: Evasion. TALIESIN: Nope. LAURA: 11. MATT: 11, that’s a fail. MARISHA: 24.
MATT: 24 is a success. You take no damage. LIAM: Not too bad. SAM: What are you at? Why are you there? LAURA: Because he hit me with a fucking Fireball. SAM: Oh, that’s right. TRAVIS: I cannot believe, you guys. LIAM: 15 points of fire damage. SAM: Not bad. MATT: How far from the wall? LIAM: My side is fine. Ten feet out from the other side. MATT: Okay, Fjord, you also have to make a dexterity saving throw. TRAVIS: Okay. LAURA: Can I jump forward and–? TRAVIS: That’s good, 19. LIAM: You take half damage, so seven or eight. I don’t know how you round up or down. MATT: Down. So even points of fire damage. Beau takes none, you take a full 15. I also need you to make another wisdom saving throw for me, please. TRAVIS: Oh, okay. 17. MATT: 17. Your vision becomes clear a voice kicks out of you and you’re like, “What the fuck was that?” TRAVIS: (explosion sound) (yelling) MATT: Caleb, you begin to step back. Just making your way gingerly across the stones on he cusp of the water, stepping away as the flames fill the space in the gaps here. There we go. LIAM: Anyone who ends their turn in that is going to get hit. MATT: Or anybody who crosses it also. TRAVIS: Is anyone currently in the wall? MATT: Currently Jester and Yasha and Beau. All three of them are like– TRAVIS: Gotta get out of it. MATT: Actually, you’re the only one that’s in the wall. The other two are on this side of it. All right, so that finishes your turn, Caleb. Caduceus, you’re up. You cannot see anything beyond that fire, by the way. That wall, the entire chamber, you’re sitting there, coming around the corner and all of a sudden just, after the explosion, wall of fire and all you see is flames. You just see flames and Beau going (grunting) and Jester pushing out of it and fire curling up on the edge of her arms. Absolute chaos has broken into the interior of this chamber. What are you doing? TALIESIN: I’m going to get as close as I can to that firewall. Without taking the damage. MATT: That’s as close as you can get there. LIAM: 15 feet is safe. TALIESIN: Wow, okay. I can’t see anything through it? MATT: No, nothing. LAURA: Who all can you see? TALIESIN: Well, I’m going to– LAURA: Why? So you know what to do to finish me off? (laughter) TALIESIN: All right, hold on. This is really difficult to deal with. Do I have anything I can do about this? I’m so sorry. I genuinely– this threw all of my plans into whack. SAM: A swarm of bugs appear around Laura. TALIESIN: There are no swarm of bugs. Yeah, I am fucked. I am going to do a– I suppose I’m going to do,–it seems silly to do that. I’m so sorry. I’m going to do a heal on Fjord. LAURA: Beacon of Hope? TALIESIN: I can’t see you. LAURA: You can’t see us? TALIESIN: Beacon of hope needs sight, doesn’t it? Yeah, I need to be able to see people for Beacon of Hope. I can only see one person, so it seems like it’s the only thing to do. Who can I see? MATT: You can see Fjord, Beau, and Yasha. TALIESIN: Oh, yeah, okay, that’s enough. I’ll do Beacon of Hope then at that point. SAM: Beacon of coke? (laughter) MATT: Fjord, Beau, and Yasha all are affected by this, nobody else is.
TALIESIN: And myself. TALIESIN: And then–I can’t do a bonus action heal for that on top of that? MATT: No, you cannot. SAM: Whatever you want, man. We’re invincible. MATT: You have healing potions, but– MARISHA: Go to Vegas, man. TALIESIN: Yeah, no, I’m going to curl around the corner then and hide because this is insane shit. MATT: Around the corner here? TALIESIN: No, the other way.
MATT: All right. Good call. It’s too hot, you’re like, “I’m not going to get involved with that.” There is a puppy that is currently– TALIESIN: Oh, my bonus actions, I am going to use the– MATT: Spare the Dying? TALIESIN: Yeah, Spare the Dying. MATT: Good, so your blink dog is no longer– Nugget is stabilized. All right, that finishes your go. LAURA: In the flames just burned to a crisp, all three death saves. SAM: Your next character could be the dog. Or weasel, is it a weasel? what is it? Is it a dog? LAURA: My weasel is in the fire right now for sure. SAM: Oh, for sure. Is the weasel dead? LAURA: Mm-mm.
SAM: No?! MATT: Fjord. Your turn. LAURA: My robes are super flame retardant. MARISHA: Weasel survives everything. TRAVIS: My turn?
MATT: Yeah, your brain clears from the burning sensation, shaking the influence from your mind, you focus for a second and all you see is your friends, some of them alight, the heat is blaring towards you and it’s just a wall of roaring flames in front of you. TRAVIS: Well. We got to put out this flame. I saw the cavern before the wall went up. I’m going to cast Control Water. LAURA: Yeah. TRAVIS: I will summon the water behind Caleb into a 20 foot wall behind him and it will slam into him from behind and send him into the wall. MATT: Okay.
SAM: Into the wall of fire? TRAVIS: Yeah.
SAM: Whoa. MATT: Okay. LIAM: This is an interesting physics experiment. TALIESIN: I’m into it. LIAM: Does magic water affect magic fire? This side of the wall does not– MATT: It’s magic fire versus non magic water. But the water is brought up. Here’s what happens. First, as you’re moving back, just in this hazed state, you feel something float up from underneath, some sort of weird bouncy buoyant sensation as– LIAM: Like a Japanese toilet. MATT: Yeah. As you are essentially given a nice blast of– TRAVIS: Bull’s eye. SAM: Bidet. MATT: This is the bidet. You get magically bidet’ed by Fjord. As the stagnant water of the still pool erupts from beneath and lurches forward, blasting you into the wall. Go ahead and make a constitution saving throw for yourself or whatever the save is. Is it dexterity for the wall? LIAM: Wall is dex.
MATT: Dex. Roll and make a dex save for your own flame. LIAM: Wait, con first or–?
MATT: No, sorry. Dex save for that. LIAM: I did pretty good. That is an 18. MATT: 18. Go ahead and roll damage. LIAM: Okay. Wall for myself was 5d8. LAURA: Can you take damage from your own wall? LIAM: Well, one side doesn’t hurt, but if it’s pushing me forward, I go through the bad side. MATT: If you go through the wall, then yes. LIAM: Seven, 15, 28. MATT: That’s how much you will take if you hit it. Make a strength check to see if you managed to hold onto the nearby rocks to resist. TRAVIS: I was hoping. That’s the only stat I know of his that sucks. LIAM: 19. (laughter) MARISHA: It’s his weakness. MATT: I can’t believe that. LIAM: 200 push-ups a day, people. TALIESIN: We’re all going to die. LAURA: Goddamn it. TALIESIN: So good. MATT: Caleb, you hold onto the stone and the water rushes past you as it splashes forward. MARISHA: You dropped dead so easily so many other times. MATT: I need Beau and Yasha to also make strength saving throws to try and hold onto their space. They’re pushed back by the wave as well. TRAVIS: The wall stays up, the water just goes through it. MARISHA: 20 total. MATT: 20, yeah, you hold your position there. Yasha, roll for hers.
TRAVIS: Oh, sorry. MARISHA: Does that mean it takes out pieces of the fire wall? Water? TRAVIS: 19. MATT: 19, cool. You both manage to hold on. The water, like it had attempted to try previously, it does splash over the wall and the wall sizzles out, and there’s steam that rises up as the water cascades and splashes over the rest of the stone, slicking the entire floor of this side, as your Control Water first blast. You’re still concentrating on the spell. Actually, pulling it this way, make a strength check for yourself, as well. As it does blast through. TRAVIS: Natural one. MARISHA: Oh my god.
MATT: You get pushed back. Slam in the wall. Make a concentration check on your Control Water. LAURA: Oh my god, this is amazing. MATT: I think you have War Caster, so you have advantage on that, right? TRAVIS: I do. That’s okay, though. 18. 22. MATT: Okay. Good to know. Fjord. TRAVIS: Fuck me. TALIESIN: Fuck, man. LIAM: Murphy’s Law is in full fucking effect right now. MATT: I know, seriously, straight up. All right, so, concentration’s ten minutes on this. You can repeat it again next turn, if you want to. TRAVIS: Okay. MATT: Right now, as it goes over the water, the wall diminishes and until Caleb’s next turn, I’ll say, it’s beginning to burn back up. When it gets back to Caleb’s round, the Wall of Fire’s going to come back up. MARISHA: We got a window. MATT: As far as you know. We’ll see. TRAVIS: Yeah, you got five turns, four turns. MATT: Well. SAM: You’ve got four seconds. TRAVIS: Yeah, I mean four people. MATT: That ends Fjord’s go. Top of the round. TRAVIS: Oh, and the other two sons of bitches are just fucking– SAM: We’re fighting each other. LIAM: We haven’t touched the enemies at all. MATT: The wall currently, while it’s placed there, is not blocking vision. A grunt of frustration happens, as around the corner– LAURA: Like the whole wall is not blocking vision? MATT: Currently, for the time being. LIAM: It’s fizzled down to two inches. It’s getting ready to fire back up. MATT: Correct. It comes around the corner is like, “(sighing) You’ll do,” because you’re the one closest to it. It looks towards you and gives a little wink and puts a hand out this way. In the middle of your head, just the voice, the telepathic words meet you and say, “You’re pretty. So am I.” LAURA: Thank you. Yes, you are. MATT: Make a wisdom save. TRAVIS: Do you have any advantage or resistance or? LAURA: No, I don’t have Beacon of Hope on me. TRAVIS: You’re a tiefling. SAM: Beacon of cope. LIAM: Could she hear Greg Cipes’ voice in her head? MATT: I think so, yeah. LIAM: (like Greg Cipes) ‘Sup mama? LAURA: Oh, wait, wisdom? Oh, ha, ooh ha ha! 24! MATT: 24, nice. All right. As you resist it, it looks at you and goes (frustrated sigh) LAURA: What’s wrong? You know, you’re really cute! MATT: You hear in the back of your skull, “Come on.” It darts back out of sight around this way and vanishes. LAURA: Does that mean that the Wall of Fire is not burning me now? MATT: For the time being, it is not. Ending that go. TRAVIS: Which section of the wall is sizzling but about to come back up? You said part of the wall is down. MATT: This area right here. Everything the water came forward. Yasha and this wall are the two that are still up. It’s this midsection where the water crashed forward. That ends their go, Yasha’s up. TRAVIS: Yasha’s up. The wall in front of her is down, right? MATT: This wall here is still up. TRAVIS: She can run to the right and come through? Yeah, she’s going to come around like a linebacker, coming at the fucking QB, and she’s going to deck Caleb right in the face. SAM: Yeah. With a sword or–? TRAVIS: Yeah. With the blunt part of the sword. MATT: It is a rough space to get through because there are a number of stalagmites that are blocking the way. She gets over there. She gets an attack, but it’s with disadvantage. TRAVIS: Oh balls. She will make it reckless. MATT: That evens it out. First strike against Caleb. TRAVIS: Chicka chicka chicka chicka. 13. MATT: What’s your armor class? LIAM: Well, I am doing, it is 14 right now. Because I have a Mage Armor on. MATT: You do. Yasha comes around the corner, giant swing. Unfortunately, her feet are having a hard time finding purchase on the rough stones and swings wide and it goes towards Caleb. Caleb, you look up for a second. Once again, you thought they were your friends. Yasha streaks towards you, and as you put your hand up, the arcane field that you’ve already defended yourself with just glides it off, inches from striking you in the chest. How could they turn on you like this? LIAM: I thought she and I were introverts together. MATT: Roll another attack. TRAVIS: Second one reckless, also. Straight up roll, that’s going to hit with a 24. MATT: 24, that hits, go ahead and roll damage. TRAVIS: (humming) I’ll just roll this one twice. Oh, there we go, okay. Four, five, seven. Plus five, 12, 12 points of slashing damage, plus two for the divine. That’s 14 points. MATT: That’s with the rage, as well? TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: 14 points of slashing damage to you, Caleb. Both make a concentration check. LIAM: At advantage with a huge bonus. TRAVIS: Stop rolling– LIAM: First one was a 19. MATT: Yeah, you’re fine. LIAM: And a nine. MATT: Okay. Now make another wisdom saving throw for me. LIAM: That’s at 25 total. Wisdom save. LAURA: Low, low, low, low! LIAM: That’s a 19. LAURA: High, high, high, high! I mean. (laughter) MATT: As you’re struck, the pain sears into you as a Magician’s Judge carves into your chest and actually sticks there, and you’re like (yelling). You see Yasha holding it there, sweat dripping down her brow, her eyes intense, like the teeth and jaw just clenched from the rage, and also this look of like, “Come on!” in her eyes. In that moment, the influence shakes from your mind, and you’re like, “Wait, what am I doing?” You realize this has not been your intent this entire time. You’re no longer charmed. LIAM:Was ist los?MATT: That ends Yasha’s turn, I believe. TRAVIS: Yes. MATT: Nott, you’re up. SAM: I mean. Do I see? MATT: No, you just see fire. SAM: None of the baddies, none of the baddies? MATT: You don’t see any. You can use your action to try and look for them. SAM: Can I see Jester, can I see my friends? MATT: No, you are hiding behind here. Actually looking around this way, you can see Jester and Beau over here. You do not see Caleb or Yasha because they are currently obscured by the wall where you’re currently standing. LIAM: The enemies are nowhere to be seen. MATT: Yeah, you have no idea. TRAVIS: Fucking– Jesus. SAM: Shit. I don’t see Caleb or Yasha? I didn’t see that happen between Caleb and Yasha? MATT: You do not, no. SAM: I would pop around towards that side, the Caleb and Yasha side. MATT: Right here? SAM: Yes. MATT: Okay. In order to move through this space, an acrobatics check to try and avoid the wall. SAM: Okay. Acrobatics check: 20. MATT: Not a problem, you manage to leap off the side of the wall and land on this edge, avoiding the flames from burning. You’re there. You can see now Yasha withdrawing the blade from Caleb’s shoulder and chest area and Caleb blinking and shaking his head. That’s what you see. SAM: Then I will, seeing that that’s in hand, I will heal the person that needs it most. I run to Caleb and heal him. MATT: Okay. SAM: I’ll take out one of these guys and I’ll dump it into you. TRAVIS: Hell, let’s do it. Roll that healing potion. SAM: That’s– LAURA: Four. SAM: Seven plus something. What is this plus, four? 11 points of healing. MATT: 2d4 plus two. SAM: Then it’s only nine points of healing. MATT: You move over this way, past Yasha. All right, yeah. With your movement, you can get right there, we’ll say. You’re on the edge of the water. SAM: Here, Matt. MATT: All right. That’s your turn, Nott. Beau, you’re up. SAM: I don’t have any bonus or anything? MATT: You have a bonus action. SAM: I’m going to crouch down and see if I can hide where I’m standing. MATT: Make a stealth check. SAM: Right in Caleb, 20. MATT: 20, okay, you got it. Finishing your turn, Beau, you’re up. MARISHA: Little panicked and weirded out by everything I’m seeing. I’m going to look around. Do I see anybody else? MATT: As an action, make a perception check. MARISHA: Finally something, 22. MATT: 22, okay. You see, crouched way up amongst the stalactites in the ceiling behind Caleb, up in this edge, you see the female of the fiendish creatures you have previously encountered in the battle on the surface streets here of Asarius. She’s crouched and held up in the corner and watching over this battle, and you can see a look of frustration on her face as to how things have shifted most recently. MARISHA: Can I get there? MATT: That was your action to get there. MARISHA: That was my action. Can I move up to her? MATT: It’s possible. MARISHA: Can I do some parkour? MATT: Make an acrobatics check, see if you can. MATISHA: 15. MATT: 15. (counting) You can’t quite get to her. You do manage to leap across, parkour off the edges. You’re not quite in melee with her. MARISHA: Fuck, Patient Defense. MATT: Okay. You go into defensive stance. That finishes your turn. Now, you start hearing echoing from the tunnels behind the chamber unseen where Yasha had seen that red flash earlier. (growling) LAURA: No! TRAVIS: What are you doing? MATT: More of these creatures start pouring around the corner on this side. SAM: What are they called quasi? MATT: Quasits. They’re going to charge forward to Yasha over here. This one’s going to rush over here. It’s going to scream at you, Nott. SAM: Okay. MATT: One of them did manage to see you, as it turned the corner. I need you to make a wisdom saving throw as it (growling) in your direction. SAM: 19 naturally. MATT: This doesn’t even phase you. Nothing to worry about. The other two get attacks against Yasha, but because she did reckless, they do get to have advantage on these strikes. TRAVIS: I think, doesn’t Caleb get reckless against the person who does reckless against them? It’s only against the person you take against, right? MATT: No. If you’re reckless in your attacks, every enemy gets attacks at advantage. That’s the downside to it. Yeah, you only played a barbarian for three years. It’s fine. LAURA: I always wondered why you were so free with the reckless. MATT: Ooh, yeah. The first strike is going to be 21 to hit. TRAVIS: That hits. MATT: The next one is going to be 21 to hit. 19 natural roll on each. Sorry, that would be 23 to hit. All right, so for each of those strikes. TALIESIN: She’s raging, right? MATT: She is raging. Yasha takes nine, reduced to four, and eight reduced to four. Eight points of piercing damage. She needs to make two constitution saving throws. TRAVIS: Okay. That’s eight. The second one is a, fuck, 12. MATT: Okay, the second one is a success. The first one. TALIESIN: What saving throws? TRAVIS: Constitution. MATT: She takes six additional points of poison damage And she is poisoned. The claws of these quasits now cause this fiendish venom to pulse within the scratch marks they’re leaving on her exposed body. They’re just slicing into her and then pull back and you can see now this thick, dark venom starting to pour out of one of the scratch wounds. That finishes their go. Fjord, you’re up. TRAVIS: All right, yeah. The wall is still up, right? Or, no, I guess it’s down. LIAM: At this moment, it’s still up. LIAM: These both are still there. These are down, they’re ready to flare up, since the water has put it out. TRAVIS: Then I see the winged biotch up top from where I am, or do I need to step forward? MATT: You do not notice her. You’d have to use an action to try and perceive her. TRAVIS: Okay, I’ll step into the cavern more. MATT: (counting) Are you stepping onto where the flames are? TRAVIS: I thought they were down just a little bit. Are they not? MATT: Those are down, but they’re about to flare back up. Unless Caleb cancels them. TRAVIS: Yeah, I’ll stay right there. Can I see her from there? MATT: You can make an action to make a perception check. Go for it. SAM: Steam. TRAVIS: Yeah. I can’t really do anything else. Not great, 11. MATT: You don’t see anything. All you see is Beau darting up to the side and is now like getting defensive and preparing for an assault from a creature that you can’t make out with your eyes, unfortunately. TRAVIS: That is my turn. MATT: That ends Fjord’s go. Caleb, oh no, I’m sorry, next is– LIAM: I’m ready. Jester and Caleb are tied. MATT: That’s my bad. I looked at the wrong thing. Fjord, take that back, since you didn’t really do anything, that’s fine. Jester, you’re up. MARISHA: So much damn shade! MATT: I didn’t mean it to be shade! I’m legitimately was saying you’ll get a turn still. Nothing happened, you’re fine. SAM: Your turn was useless, you’re a useless player. MATT: I didn’t mean it that way! I’m so sorry! TRAVIS: NPC. MATT: Jester, your turn. LAURA: I’m not technically in the fire. Am I on fire, technically, though? MATT: Currently you’re ten feet from this. If you don’t move away from within ten feet of this one part of the wall, you will take damage by the end of your turn. LAURA: Okay, I’m going to– MATT: You can move through these. LAURA: I’m going to move through those. MATT: How far are you going? LAURA: Splash splash splash. MATT: (counting) 30 would put you right there. LAURA: I was going to just come around and stand right around here. I’m sorry, lady. MATT: Oh, you’re fine. You’re right there. LAURA: Ow. Yeah, that’s where I am. Because I’m about to die because Caleb hates me, I’m going to cast Cure Wounds on myself. SAM: Yes! LAURA: At– SAM: 9th-level. LAURA: 3rd-level. That’s 3d8. Ten, 15 plus five points, so 20 points healed. MATT: 20 points healed, nice. SAM: Not bad, not bad. LAURA: Okay. I don’t have any good bonus that I can use at this point. MATT: That finishes your turn? LAURA: Sure, why not? MATT: Caleb, you’re up. Clear minded, you can see the flames are about to rage back up from the ground. Do you maintain concentration on the spell? LIAM: I drop it. MATT: All the flames dissipate, the steam taking over the chamber, and for a brief instant, there’s a burst of heat and then it fades back to the casual, though now even more humid, interior of the cavern. LIAM: Totally shell shocked, not understanding what is going on, I just go to an old move and I jam the licorice root into my mouth and say: I’m sorry, everyone. And I cast Haste on Beauregard and I start moving out of the chamber towards Fjord and Beauregard. Beauregard is hasted. MATT: I’m sorry. Fair enough. You do know where that creature is because you’ve actually seen it. You move backward? LIAM: Toward Fjord, I’m getting out of the fire. MATT: Five, 10, 20.
LIAM: As far as I can get. MATT: 25, 30, you can move past Fjord if you want. All right, there you go. You’re situated. That finishes your turn, Caleb. Caduceus, you’re up. TALIESIN: Okay, can I see everybody? I mean, if I come into the chamber? MATT: Five, 10, 15, yes, now you can see, and with your passive perception, you do see the creature in the corner. TALIESIN: Do I see Nott, as well? MATT: You do not see Nott. TALIESIN: Okay, before I even move, I am going to turn– I don’t see Nott? MATT: You do not see Nott.
TALIESIN: That’s unfortunate. But that’s okay. I’m going to turn invisible before I come into the– MATT: All righty. TALIESIN: I am invisible for the purposes of that. I am going to recast a Beacon of Hope. Now I can see everybody, and get everybody except Nott in Beacon of Hope, and that’s the end of my third levels. MATT: All right.
TALIESIN: Then with whatever– MATT: You probably cast it first before you do it because if you’re invisible and you cast a spell, the invisibility wears off. TALIESIN: Okay, I come in, cast the spell– MATT: Then turn invisible. TALIESIN: Do I have any more movement after that, too? MATT: You do. You have 15 more feet. TALIESIN: I’m going to hide in the corner behind that stalactite. MATT: There you go. You’re cowering as much as you can, as a large creature. That finishes your go. Fjord, now it’s your turn. TRAVIS: Oh, you’re giving me another turn? MATT: Yes, because technically it was out of order and you may have more to do this turn. TRAIVS: Okay. If I step forward– MATT: You see the three creatures over there. Yeah. TRAVIS: That’s all I can see? MATT: That’s all you can see at the moment. TRAVIS: I’ll step forward five or ten feet. Give me a line of sight with the three of them. I will send two Eldritch blasts towards– I’ll send the first one towards one of the creatures. MATT: Go for it. The first one gets released. Streaking over. TRAVIS: That is a– sorry. 21 to hit. MATT: That hits. Roll damage. MARISHA and LIAM: (mumbled bad Fjord accent) Eldritch Blast. MATT: (laughs) TRAVIS: Nope, I’m sorry, this is the wrong thing. 1d10. That is, wow, six points of Eldritch Blast damage. MATT: Six points of Eldritch Blast damage. It impacts the creature. (snarling) looks over towards you, its tiny little pointed teeth just upside down triangular jaw. It’s hurt very bad, but it’s still alive.
TRAVIS: Number two. MATT: (growling) TRAVIS: 26 to hit. MATT: Roll damage on that one. TRAVIS: Do better. What the fuck? That’s two ones on a d10 in a row! Six. MATT: It crouches down and mid-air is blasted into six different pieces. Scattered across the interior of the cavern. TRAVIS: Not useless! MATT: That finishes your turn, Fjord?
TRAVIS: Yep. MATT: All right. Top of the round. The creature that had been noticed by you sees you rushing up towards it. It’s going to go ahead and fly. MARISHA: No no no no! LIAM: Come on, Barry Allen. MARISHA: Does she–?
MATT: She is not within range. You are just out of range and disappears around the corner. LIAM: Run, Forrest. MATT: Yeah, that’s going to be it for that one. That’s their turn. Yasha, her go. TRAVIS: She saw a winged run around, right? MATT: Well, technically, yeah, because it did not go stealth. You guys did all see this winged fiendish female dart out from out of the corner of the chamber and just fly and flutter off down and curving around the hallway, out of sight. TRAVIS: She will turn around and she will take her first swipe at the nearest gizmo. MATT: Okay, she has poisons, disadvantage on her attacks. TRAVIS: Oh, wow, really? That sucks. MATT: You can do reckless if you want to, but– TRAVIS: Shit, I didn’t say it. First one is a 15 to hit. MATT: 15 still hits. Go ahead and roll damage. TRAVIS: Nice. Divine fury. Oh, nice, six, 10, 12. 15, 17 points of slashing damage. MATT: 17 points of slashing damage. It just carves it in two, and you watch as the two halves of it float. One dart, scatters off the far wall before landing on the ground, and it still moving. TRAVIS: Yasha will use the upswing momentum to take a step forward and carry through the blade into the second one. MATT: Go for it. TRAVIS: Not reckless. MATT: So still disadvantage.
TRAVIS: Oh, sorry, yep. TRAVIS: Eight, so 14.
MATT: 14 hits. TRAVIS: Nice. Two D6. Seven, nine, 11 points of damage. MATT: 11 points of damage. Just cleaning them out, step by step, boosh, boosh, both of them are just scattered across the bottom of the stone interior of the chamber. Nothing seems to be immediately threatening you, as Yasha finishes her turn. There’s a moment where you all take a breath. First off, in this moment, there is no combat. LAURA: What the fuck, Caleb?
LIAM: What. He– She– They got in my head. I’m sorry. LAURA: I take a step down and walk over towards Fjord. MARISHA: They’re still here. They went around the corner. SAM: We have to keep– MATT: 12 seconds off your haste. MARISHA: Remember, they’re resistant to all the elemental shit and non-magical shit. LIAM: Find them, Beauregard.
MARISHA: I’m going to go! LAURA: I’m around the corner. MARISHA: I run, as well, with my hasted. Cocaine fueled fury. TALIESIN: I was going to try and cast a healing spell before everybody buggered off with a bonus action. If I still have time. MATT: I’ll let you guys all do one action, aside from Beauregard who just darts ahead. LIAM: I’ll just get a little bit up forward past Fjord a hair, where he is right now.
MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: Mass healing word, at fourth level. MATT: Sure. TALIESIN: Everyone gets 13 points back. TRAVIS: Beautiful. TALIESIN: Except for Nott, who gets nine points back. LIAM: Seems like a waste. MARISHA: I left. MATT: Yeah, I’d say you probably didn’t get any. He’s like, I’m going to cast it and you let it go. You moving ahead? TALIESIN: I’m heading towards Yasha, so. MATT: Yasha’s right there. TALIESIN: On my next turn, I’m going to get rid of that poison. MATT: Okay, Yasha’s moving ahead or she’s staying put? TRAVIS: She’s–
MATT: Beau darts past. TRAVIS: Yeah, she’s moving ahead, as well. MATT: Yeah, Yasha can get up there with her movement. Do you want to use the rest of your movement to try and get up with her? TALIESIN: Yeah. MATT: There you go.
MARISHA: My speed is doubled, by the way.
MATT: Correct. MARISHA: It’s haste, so–
MATT: You can keep moving, if you want to.
MARISHA: Do I see them? MATT: I’ll get to that once everyone else figures out what they’re doing. TRAVIS: If Yasha’s feeling the (heartbeat), she probably knows she’s been poisoned? MATT: Yeah. She’s been poisoned before. She knows the sensation. TRAVIS: She’ll stay back with Caduceus because ow. MATT: Okay, so she’ll stay, we’ll say about there. She gets a few steps and is like. Okay, that finishes that go. Nott, what are you doing? SAM: If only we had four vials of poison healing. In your pocket.
TRAVIS: Whose pocket? SAM: Yours.
TRAVIS: Are you sure? SAM: Yeah, we just bought them from a bunch of kobolds in a robe. MATT: You did. TRAVIS: Nice. SAM: I’ll cast invisibility and follow around the corner. MATT: All right, casting invisibility on himself and five, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35 will get you about there next to Yasha.
SAM: Bonus action keep moving. MATT: All right, and you are invisible, technically, so I will go ahead and use this. Bonus action, keep moving. You move up here. We’ll put you up about there in this space. You’ll find out where Beau is. All right, that finishes your turn. Jester, what are you doing? LAURA: I was planning on running around the corner, whatever way I can get around past her, yeah. LIAM: Boosh, boosh, boosh, boosh. MATT: 25, 30, that’s your movement. LAURA: Can I use my action to run around, too? MATT: Yeah, you can. Five, 10, 15, 20, 30 is where you get there. LAURA: Okay. MATT: Fjord, where are you going? TRAVIS: I’ll go to the left, as well. MATT: Five, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30. TRAVIS: Fine, I’ll– yeah. MATT: 25, 30 will get you right there. As you guys curve around the corner, there’s another red flash that catches your attention. Over on the edge, Beauregard, you see the winged woman that you were chasing around the edge is standing off, next to where the flash seemed to erupt from. The flash, it maintains. You watch as a heavy hand pushes through and another heavy hoofed foot steps through. You watch as this demonic snout with curved horns bull like, but red and demonic it seems, tears through with big wings that flare out from it. You can see these like giant leather gauntlets of some sort of strange hide with metal rivets built across the knuckles and the fists adorned its clawed hands as it pulls through and looks to the side at the other creature and goes, “Is it ready?” SAM: Is it ready? MATT: As it glances over and sees the rest of you standing there, that’s where we’ll pick it back up. (yelling) SAM: Is that a pit fiend? What is that?! TRAVIS: What the fuck is that? MARISHA: I wonder if it’s a goristro. TRAVIS: It’s the minotaur. (yelling) LAURA: So I could see? Oh, fuck. Is it all the way through? Is it all the way out? MATT: It’s all the way through. As you guys were rushing around that edge. LIAM: I’m so tapped. LAURA: That’s because you used a 4th-level fucking spell on us. LIAM: It was for a good cause, though. MATT: Right here are the two. TRAVIS: Oh god. SAM: They’re still together. We’ll just do some Fireballs, they’ll be dead in like two rounds. It’s great. TRAVIS: Who has Fireball? Not us. TALIESIN: I mean, don’t we already know that fire doesn’t do anything to these people? MARISHA: Once again, I already said, resistant. LIAM: Theories after the break. MATT: Yes, theories at the break. Anyway, guys, we’ll be back here in just a minute to see where the next step of this battle takes place. We do have our giveaway from our friends at Wyrmwood tonight. I’ll open this up here for you. We have– ooh. TRAVIS: It’s the one I have. MATT: A beautiful Bolivian rosewood is what we got here tonight. Leather interior. It’s very nice. One lucky winner has this at the end of the break. The code word for tonight is below. B-E-L-O-W. Go ahead and enter the word once in the Critical Role Twitch chat, more than once, you’ll be disqualified. We will have a winner when we get back. Once again, only US and Canada, excluding Quebec, because dumb laws, but we love you, we’ll see you just a second. ♪ You got the perfect warlock ♪ ♪ Her weapons and supplies ♪ ♪ But you need a place to track your stuff ♪ ♪ ‘Cause you’re so disorganized ♪ ♪ You click, open a web page ♪ ♪ You heard about a Critical Role ♪ ♪ And now you’re ready to kick some butt ♪ ♪ In a mind shaft full of gnolls ♪ ♪ It’s D&D, D&D ♪ ♪ D&D Beyond ♪ ♪ Yeah, D&D, D&D ♪ ♪ D&D Beyond ♪ ♪ You got you stats, you got your sword, ♪ ♪ And you got your invisible wand ♪ ♪ It’s D&D, D&D, D&D ♪ ♪ D&D Beyond ♪ ASHLEY: Hello, Critterverse. Since our last update, you all have helped us conquer some pretty amazing milestones, and we just wanted to share them with you. What? Are you kidding me? That is bonkers. The Legend of Vox Machina has become the most funded film project in Kickstarter history. We are sitting at Number 10, for most funded project on Kickstarter of all time. That’s crazy. You all have banded together to make this happen and we are all completely blown away, so thank you so much for your love and support. It means the absolute world to us. Thank you. Now we can make the Vox Machina cartoon of our dreams, so thank you again. We would also like to give a special shout out to Joel Hodgson and the whole Mystery Science Theater 3000 gang. Your words of encouragement and support, that was awesome and made us feel awesome, so thank you so much. We just wanted to say that we deeply appreciate all of you and your support and keep sharing and most importantly, keep loving each other. (kiss) Bye. LIAM: Are we going to talk about the dark horse in the room? TALEISN: You mean how Vox Machina Origins, our comic series, published by Dark Horse is making its triumphant return for another six issue run on July 10th? LIAM: No.
TALIESIN: You mean how the comic series will be available in comic book shops and on Dark Horse Digital.
LIAM: No? TALIESIN: Surely you must have been referring to how our friend Jody Houser, who is, of course, known for her work on Orphan Black and the Stranger Things comic will be penning the series, and we’ve also got colorist MSassyK and letterer Ariana Maher joining our creative team, as well as the return of critter artist, Olivia Samson. Surely, that was it. LIAM: No! How are you missing this? TALIESIN: You’re probably talking about how our first six issue run comic book series will be available via trade paperback for the first time ever–
LIAM: Holy shit, that is cool, but it’s still not what I am talking about, Taliesin. TALIESIN: Katy Perry?
LIAM: What? TALIESIN: Oh, you mean the announcement about our next art book that Dark Horse will be publishing called The Chronicles of Exandria: The Mighty Nein. LIAM: Holy shit, that is really cool. But it is still not what we are talking about. The dark horse in the room. TALIESIN: Oh. Oh, that’s Biscuit. Hey, Biscuit.
BISCUIT: Hey, Tal. TALIESIN: What you working on over there? BISCUIT: Just my memoirs, you know. TALIESIN: That’ll make fascinating reading, my good man. (low aside) Say something nice, man. LIAM: Yeah, I’m sure– TALIESIN: Louder.
LIAM: You’ve been blessed with a very incredible life. BISCUIT: The horse is funny to you? LIAM: Oh, don’t take it– I’m sorry, that’s really cool that you’re writing a horse memoir. TALIESIN: To be or not to be, that is the equestrian. Free book title. (ethereal music) TRAVIS (VO): Previously on MAME Drop. TALIESIN: You guys know about Comix Zone? AMY: He’s so extreme! TALIESIN: He’s so– he’s got so much ponytail.
AMY Yeah. TALIESIN: This is ’90s comic book the game. What, oh no. “Look at me, Sketch. I’m a drawing, “but I’ll be free soon enough, “and as soon as you’re dead. “I cannot kill you here, but I know a “perfect place to do it.” AMY: Have a nice trip. TALIESIN: This is our turf. AMY: Okay, this rules.
TALIESIN: Do you want to be the very first to pull– to see what happens? AMY: Yes! TALIESIN: Magic gumball machine. Wow, gumball got expensive. All right, here we go.
AMY: Okay, okay. TALIESIN: I don’t actually know if this is going to work. It’ll be great. All right. What’d you get?
AMY: Yes! (yelling) TALIESIN: They’re a little hard to open, I do know that, too, which is pretty hilarious. AMY: Oh, dang! Tiny bear stickers! TALIESIN: You got tiny bear stickers, well done. Oh, here, we can, tiny bear stickers. TRAVIS (VO): (southern accent) Last time on Yee-Haw Game Ranch. MARISHA: (southern accent) Howdy, boys. BRIAN: What the hell? MARISHA: I can’t thank you enough for giving me breath. What was the name you gave me to awaken my soul? BRIAN: It’s the armadillo we named two weeks ago. It’s Root N Toot N Ruby. MARISHA: Root N Toot N Ruby? Well, hell, that’s got more kick than sour sarsaparilla on a hot day. There are other critters out here who need names. BRIAN: Oh, yeah, we do have a bunch. MARISHA: Speak them and they will return, just like me. So dust off your boots and enjoy those games, boys. But remember the prophecy. BRIAN: The what?
TRAVIS: Prophecy? MARISHA: (eerily) The prophecy. TRAVIS: What–? Do you–? What are you doing with the? BRIAN: What the hell? All right. Kimothy was raised in Venice. Today’s actually the first day he’s ever left Venice. Sometimes he gets in trouble because of the way he looks. He’s basically modeled after the drummer from Sevendust, which is a super deep cut for some of the fans out there. But yeah, he killed both of his parents a couple years ago and he’s been on the run ever since then. He’s allergic to cheese but he loves other dairy products. Like milk. (cow mooing)
TRAVIS: One second. BRIAN: (laughing) That’s good. That’s Kimothy in a nutshell. All right, up first, hey. Hey, hold off. TRAVIS: I got a lot of flack for my Cheeto throwing. Or my cheese puff finger throwing. I want you to know, I’ve been working on it. A one, a two– BRIAN: Wait, but these are bigger ones than last time. TRAVIS: Yeah, you know, no problem. BRIAN: That landed on my shoe. TRAVIS: Oh, it did! BRIAN: Dude, you don’t know where my shoes have been. TRAVIS: (quietly) Damn it. Here, I’ll throw it and catch it. BRIAN: Where are you, sir?
TRAVIS: I’m just down here. I’m right here. (laughter) (laughter) (gasping) TRAVIS: Ooh. Pig sooie! LIAM: Subscribe or don’t subscribe. That’s not a question. Whether it is nobler in the mind to ponder the pros and more pros of Twitch or Twitch Prime. Or to take hands and gift new subs to critters who find they can’t afford them. To play, to sleep. No more. And by asleep to say the cast and crew of Critical Role might find their naps around the hectic schedule of a live broadcast that we have brought for your consumption both critter and fan alike. To play. Or sleep. No sleep. But just to stream. Aye, there’s the rub. For with your subscription, what streams may come. Oh man, oh man, oh man, that is a fucking tag line. Do we got that? Oh. That is Twitch poetry. Oh, anyway. Subscribe to Critical Role. Use Twitch Prime to subscribe. Gift some subscriptions. You– you got it. Wrong soliloquy for the skull, but that’s fucking good. (classical music) (dramatic music) MATT: And welcome back. Our winner for tonight, for the fantastic Wyrmwood giveaway is King_Wataba. King_Wataba, congratulations. We will have that sent to you ASAP. To get into the speed of things, let’s roll a new initiative, since we’re now in the secondary combat. TRAVIS: Sure they won’t just retreat and leave? MARISHA: New initiative. MATT: All right. LAURA: Whoa. What is it? SAM: Awesome. Great. LIAM: Oh, that’s shit! MATT: Ooh. MARISHA: Almost a nat 20.
LIAM: You’re fast. MATT: All righty.
MARISHA: I’m okay. SAM: I looked down at your phone and saw the craziest thing. LAURA: Yeah, I know. What is this thing– MATT: So. 25 to 20. TRAVIS: It’s not my day. Or Yasha’s. MATT: Nobody, all righty. 20 to 15. LAURA: 17. LIAM: 15. MATT: All right. Jester has 17.
LAURA: Yeah. MATT: All right. SAM: She’s going to fuck shit up! TRAVIS: This is our third initiative of the day, by the way. SAM: Much pie out there. The pie was so great. LAURA: I already had a piece of pie. MATT: Then Caleb was 15?
LIAM: Yeah. SAM: Two kinds of pie. LAURA: I ate it! SAM: You don’t like pie? LAURA: I ate it. MATT: 15 to 10. TALIESIN: 14.
MARISHA: 13. MATT: All righty, Caduceus. MARISHA: This is the day that Caduceus beats Beau in initiative. MATT: 10 to five. ♪ Caduceus beats Beau ♪ TRAVIS: Fjord had an 11. MATT: All right. MARISHA: I was leaning into the topic. SAM: Eight. MATT: Eight for Nott. TRAVIS: Yasha had a nine. MATT: Okay, gotcha. MARISHA:Nein.
MATT:Nine! TRAVIS: So Nott’s at the bottom with eight. MATT: I’ll write that again. LIAM: I’m the paintbrush, Matthew’s the artist. MATT: All righty, so, as you watch this deep brown-gray, thick leather-skinned demonic creature step through, the top of this cavern space is about 15 feet tall and this creature is almost having to hunch down with its wings extended out in front. You can see it carries no weapon, but has these heavy claws and these metal studded leather gauntlets that fit over them. The two other entities are currently there, awaiting its arrival, and noticing your presence. Top of the round is Jester, simultaneously, with what you’ve now come to realize is to be, through Beau’s help, a succubus and an incubus. What is your dexterity modifier? LAURA: Plus four.
MATT: Plus four? LAURA: Oh, my modifier, yeah. MATT: Plus four for your dexterity modifier. LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah. MATT: All right. You’re going first. You actually go before they do. You’re a little quicker than they are, even though you’re on the same initiative. What are you doing first? LAURA: I’m going to see this giant thing come out of the giant slit in the wall and I’m going to, having seen this before, I’m going to cast Banishment on it. (applauding) MATT: Okay! what’s the DC on this? LAURA: Charisma of 16. MATT: Charisma, 16. SAM: Not very charismatic.
MATT: All right, that is 11. However, it does have advantage on its magical saving throws as it is resistant to magic. That is 17. (groaning) Succeeds, I’m so sorry. You watch, as you step around and release the spell, you watch as the strings of incantations begin to spin around like chains and it glances down and muscles ’em off and the spell shatters around it. It turns towards you. LAURA: (yelling) I turn around to run away. MATT: Okay. All full movement? LAURA: Yeah. MARISHA: Fuck, that was almost so cool! MATT: Almost. All right, and that finishes your turn? LAURA: (weakly) Uh huh. MATT: All right. The– TRAVIS: Got to take a shot, man. Got to take a shot. MATT: The woman, succubus, turns and sees your coming around the forner–the corner, Fjord. TRAVIS: The forner? MATT: Looks, kinks its head and in your mind you hear, “We haven’t interfaced yet either. “Want to give us a hand, big boy?” Take a wisdom saving throw for me, please. TALIESIN: With advantage.
MATT: With advantage. TRAVIS: Okay, I’m not going to do the thing. All right, what is my saving throw? SAM: You got this. TRAVIS: Natural 20.
MATT: Oh. TRAVIS: Total of 22. MATT: All right, well done.
TRAVIS: Thank you, advantage. Because the other one was a fucking three. MATT: With that, angrily, it throws a small tantrum before fluttering up and backing into this corner to stay out of the middle of the fray. The other one is going to go ahead and–let’s see. Turn. (inaudible whispering) Yeah, it doesn’t see any of you, so it’s going to go ahead and fly back into this wing. It’s going to hold its action. That brings us to… the creature that stepped through the portal. All right. First thing you watch it do. It’s looking over towards you, Jester, grinning and seeing the rest of you swarm in. It closes its fists and electricity begins to charge up through the studs that are embedded in these leather glove-like gauntlets that it has across its claws. Arcs between the gloves for a second. It’s going to go ahead and first– Yeah. It’s going to step forward. Five, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30. To there. TRAVIS: Jesus, that’s a lot of movement. MATT: It’s going do its multi attack. Take three claw attacks. Two against Fjord and one against Jester. LAURA: He can reach that far? MATT: The first attack’s against you. That is 26 to hit. LAURA: (gasps) MATT: Second attack is 20 to hit. TRAVIS: Uh-huh.
MATT: All righty, so. MARISHA: Maybe we should reevaluate a few things. MATT: The first strike does 18 points of slashing– of lightning damage to you. TRAVIS: 18 points of lightning damage. MATT: Correct, as it carves towards you, its claws turn into whatever electrical field is nearby and just shocks through you. The second one is going to be 16 points of lightning damage. Through you. Then it arcs its claw towards Jester, and even though it’s 20 feet away from you, the lightning arcs 20 feet and goes towards you to attempt to strike you for… natural one. LAURA: Yes. MATT: Unfortunately, you’re close enough to the stone on the side of the chamber where the arc hits the rock nearby, missing you by inches. You can smell the scent of burning ozone in front of you and you see rocks dissipate as the electricity manages to disperse amongst the stone on the side of the wall. That finishes its turn. That’s going to bring us to Caleb’s go. LIAM: Okay, so I see lightning streaking past Jester, so Caleb moves over this way to the exit and pulls out that body of an adder and draws it out again and a string of green acid forms between his two hands and an acid arrow streaks out at big bull man. MATT: All righty.
SAM: ♪ Big bull man! ♪ LIAM: Just a spell attack against him. LIAM: Yeah, he has to make–
MATT: Or he makes a saving throw. Which one?
LIAM: It is a save. He gets damaged either way. MATT: Right, what is the save, dex or constitution? LIAM: Hit the target to– oh, I have to make a ranged– MATT: That’s what I was wondering. It’s a ranged spell attack, so roll. LIAM:Shite.
MARISHA: That was so– Now you roll like shit.
LIAM: 16. MATT: 16 misses. LIAM: It still takes damage. Just not as much.
MATT: Got you. LIAM: 44. Half of this. Two, six, eight. It takes five points of acid damage. MATT: Five points of acid damage to it. As it manages to streak off the side of its wing and then splatter, the acid burns down. Does take full damage. That finishes your turn? LIAM: That’s it, yeah. MATT: All right, finishing Caleb’s go. That brings us to Caduceus. Caduceus, what are you doing? TALIESIN: I’m going to do a– LAURA: Bane, Bane, Bane. TALIESIN: Well, the problem with Bane is we drop Beacon of Hope, so I can’t do Bane. I’m also nowhere near there. LAURA: Shit. TALIESIN: I’m going to start with– TRAVIS: Oh, this is getting better all the time. TALIESIN: Where is it, Lesser Restoration? I’m starting with a Lesser Restoration for the poison. MATT: Okay, so you reach out and grab Yasha, and in doing so, you dash the poison from her system. It burns away in a visible trail of smoke, out of the wound. Then the poison has been expunged. TALIESIN: Okay, and I just have a bonus action and run left? MATT: Correct. TALIESIN: Yeah, I saw what Caleb’s doing, I’m going to head in that direction. MATT: This way?
TALIESIN: Yeah. MATT: Five, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30. TALIESIN: Yeah.
MATT: Gets you there. TALIESIN: Actually behind that, behind that thing, for a little cover. MATT: Behind here?
TALIESIN: Yeah. MATT: All righty, you got it. That finishes your go, Caduceus, that brings us to Beau, Beauregard. SAM: It’s your go-regard. MATT: It’s your turn. MARISHA: Déjà vu. MATT: You see the two–the succubus and the incubus across the way, one of them is curled into the corner, the other one seems to be lying in wait for something, and the large demonic creature that pulled through the portal–you can now see the tear where it pushed through. It’s this still hovering rift in space. It just turns to the left and then steps beyond the chamber to the right. MARISHA: This is so much to deal with. It feels like real life. Move towards the succubus and incubus. MATT: All righty. MARISHA: As I have my double speed. Which takes me to 90 feet. MATT: Where do you want to go? Just point. MARISHA: Is she going to be out of reach? Is she high enough to where she’s out of reach? MATT: She’s up in the corner, but it’s only about 15 feet up. If you were– and you can climb up the side. If you want to roll an athletics check to try, and I’ll let you get up there where you can still strike her. Because you are hasted, you’re scurrying up. MARISHA: Yeah.
MATT: Make an athletics check for me, or acrobatics, either/or. MARISHA: Natural 20. MATT: You’re fine. You dart up and you get right into her face. MARISHA: Man, that feels like it would’ve been useful somewhere else. MATT: You are up in the succubus’ face. MARISHA: I’m going to grab her by her hair and bash her into the wall. MATT: All right, roll for the attack. MARISHA: With my magical fists. SAM: Stomp that ho-regard! (laughter) TRAVIS: Your shitty, shitty pun affected that dice roll. MARISHA: I agree, 13. MATT: 13 does not hit, unfortunately. TRAVIS: That was you.
MARISHA: Boof! Do it again! MATT: She’s blocking against the stone work. MARISHA: Green Leaf goldfish. Better, but 16? MATT: 16 just hits. LIAM: Oh god! Holy shit. MARISHA: Okay, okay, okay, nine damage. Stunning Strike. Please. Please have a low constitution, bitch. MATT: That is going to be, constitution, total? 18. Natural 17 plus one. You have your bonus action still. MARISHA: Well, I have one more hasted action. I’m going to attack again.
MATT: Go for it. Second attack, or third attack now. MARISHA: No. Definitely not. Rolled a three. MATT: Yeah. She’s resisting the strikes as you’re trying to slam her into the stone wall. The bonus action still. MARISHA: What am I fucking going to do? Try and kill–was this worth it? (yelling) I’m going to– LIAM: D&D. MATT: They haven’t healed up fully. They haven’t healed since the previous battles. They’re still wounded from when you guys fought. MARISHA: They’re still wounded? TRAVIS:a They’ve got some scratches on ’em. We haven’t done shit to them. MARISHA: Flurry of Blows. SAM: Yeah. TRAVIS:a I mean, you know we don’t, but I feel like we haven’t hit them that much. Then there’s Toro over there. MARISHA: Two more, two more, two more. Okay, I think both of those hit. I rolled 16 and a 12. MATT: Oh, you rolled 16 plus 12? MARISHA: Plus eight. MATT: Yeah, yeah, they both hit. MARISHA: Nine plus another seven damage. MATT: All right so, repeatedly slamming the succubus into the side of the stone wall. Okay. Yeah. It’s hurting her. She’s like (grunting) and is trying to resist. It’s hurting her. MARISHA: It’s hurting her, okay. MATT: She’s getting perpetually more wounded. Anything else you want to do? Is that your turn? LAURA: Yeah, that’s my turn. MATT: Ends Beauregard’s turn. That brings us to Fjord. You’re up. This thing is (stomping, electricity crackling) LAURA: Is he as hot as the succubus, though? MATT: Oh, no. Apparently you guys sexualize all my NPCs. TRAVIS: Is he emanating heat? MATT: No. It is not emanating heat. It is not, I mean, you’ve dabbled in arcane power, in somewhat darker powers, but your essence is not fiendish in your pact, so you don’t understand too much about it. TRAVIS: Would this be a monster? MATT: It’s a monster, yeah! TRAVIS: I don’t know how the spell works. But if I do it, I’ll fucking fail. I got to get out of here. LAURA: Try it. TRAVIS: No, I can’t. If it fails, I’m dead. SAM: If it fails, you’re dead? TRAVIS: Yeah, if I miss then– fuck it. I’ll take the falchion and I’ll shove it into the ground and I’ll cast Thunder Step. MATT: Thunder Step, okay. TALIESIN: Good call, good call. TRAVIS: I will go 90. I think it’s 90 feet. (humming) LIAM: It’s like, you’ve done that before. TRAVIS: Yeah, 90 feet towards the entrance of the– yeah. MATT: You can just go all the way back here if you want to. TRAVIS: I’m getting the fuck out. MATT: Right next to the unconscious, sleeping body of Nugget. Roll damage. SAM: Fjord abandons Jester at least once a fight. LIAM: And dead is your favored terrain. TRAVIS: 22 points of thunder damage. MATT: What’s the save on it? TRAVIS: Constitution 16. MATT: Constitution, 15. It fails by one. Ten plus five. How much damage was that? It was 22. TRAVIS: 22. MATT: Did he have to roll twice on that one, too? MATT: Good call. Thank you for the reminder. LAURA: Sorry. MATT: I rolled lower. You’re fine. Still takes the full 22 points of thunder damage. It actually gets shoved back and slams into one of the nearby rocks. One of the stalagmites snaps and breaks off. You hear this loud crack sound that echoes through the rounding hallway. That finishes your turn? TRAVIS: It does. MATT: All righty. So. Don’t forget your Hexblade’s Curse, by the way. You have that ability still. TRAVIS: Yeah, that’d be if I was fighting something. MATT: True enough, Yasha’s go. TRAVIS: Oh, god. Um. (thinking noises) Boy. MARISHA: (singing “Mahna Mahna”) TRAVIS: Are we fighting these? SAM: We have to! What are we going to do, run? They’re going to chase us down and kill us on the way out. TRAVIS: We could close the tunnel. SAM: We’re fighting these things. MARISHA: Is anybody able to do anything like that? LIAM: Do what you’re going to do. MATT: What’s Yasha doing? TRAVIS: Yeah, Yasha will run up, that’s fine. SAM: Half-hearted attack. TRAVIS: Just love playing somebody else’s character. MATT: The incubus has been holding its action. Steps up and Yasha feels the intrusion of this telepathic bond. Make a wisdom saving throw for Yasha, please. TALIESIN and MATT: With advantage. TRAVIS: Is that a negative one to the wisdom save? LAURA: Oh no, Yasha. MATT: Yasha stops in her tracks. TRAVIS: Should have run away. MATT: Stops in her tracks and turns and for the rest of the turn, using the willpower of the guiding voice of this incubus, is going to dash around the corner this way. About there. She’s can’t get full through its space. Now is, with the Magician’s Judge joining the ranks of the large monster staring down Jester. LAURA: Why me? MATT: Because you’re the one it can see. LAURA: Beau is right there! MATT: Beau is right there. You’re right. LAURA: I’m kidding, Beau, no, come after me! MATT: After Beau. LIAM: Come at me, bro. MATT: Beau, while you’re slamming the succubus into the wall– MATT: There’s value in running, people. MATT: You hear this (thudding). LAURA: I’m sorry, Beau, I didn’t mean, I just– MATT: You look behind and Yasha’s running up to give you help. She’s coming to the rescue. MARISHA: Oh, Yasha, good. MATT: Nott, your turn. You are invisible. Nothing seems to know you’re there. SAM: Beau is engaged with the one up on the wall. MATT: Currently, yes. SAM: All right, I guess I’ll help that one. Did I see Yasha go get charmed or anything? MATT: All you saw was Yasha rush up, stop for a second, and then rush towards Beauregard. You can try to make an insight check. SAM: That would be my action? MATT: I’ll let you take one now– SAM: Free action! MATT: Since you are right there. SAM: Ten. MATT: Ten, no. You have no idea. SAM: 13. MATT: No idea. SAM: I will attack the one that Beau is engaged with. MATT: All righty, no worries. You do reveal yourself and the Invisibility spell. SAM: That’s fine. 22 to hit. MATT: That definitely hits. SAM: Sneak attack. MATT: Mm-hmm. SAM: Okay, (counting) 17 plus six. 23 plus another eight for Fury of the Small! MATT: Okay, so 31. SAM: 31 points of damage. MATT: It is a magical weapon, correct, the– SAM: The Tinkertop Boltblaster is definitely a magic weapon. MATT: How do you want to do this? SAM: Oh, they’re not so strong! LIAM: (yelling like Nott) MARISHA: Fuck yes. SAM: Wow. Wow. Is she flying or climbed up there? MATT: She is currently being held by the face by Beau and being slammed into the stone wall repeatedly. SAM: Okay, if there’s a way to, I don’t know, go right through Beau’s finger, like right there. MATT: As the creature is fighting you off, all of a sudden, there’s no resistance, and you (slamming). You look down, and there’s about three inches of a bolt emerging from between your index and middle finger. Where one of the eyes of the succubus was, and you look, and there’s just this thick blood now pouring in the palm of your hand. MARISHA: I go: Huh. Keep the dart. MATT: There you go. Waste not want not. LIAM: Catch me outside, how ’bout that? MATT: As you’re holding onto the stalagmite after doing this, you drop it and look behind, you see Nott behind smiling and Yasha’s right there with the Magician’s Judge, ready to help out. SAM: Yeah, we’re all doing it. The three ladies are kicking ass over here. MATT: That’s one attack, action. SAM: Okay, I guess I’ll bonus action. MATT: Well, no, because you don’t have disadvantage. You don’t have the range thing because you’re Crossbow Expert. You’re fine. SAM: Crossbow expert. No, I mean, I only have 30-foot range on this thing. MATT: 30-foot, so you would have probably had to move in a little closer. SAM: Okay, that’s fine. MATT: I figured you would have. There you go. SAM: Then I’ll take my second shot at the other one. That I can see. I have a bonus action to attack. MATT: One step closer if you want to stay within that range. SAM: That’s fine. MATT: Okay. It does have half cover because it’s amongst those stalagmites, so it does get a bonus to its AC, but go ahead and roll. SAM: Okay. MATT: It’s plus two to its AC. SAM: That’s a lot, 25. MATT: Still hits. SAM: Yes! MATT: Go ahead and roll damage. SAM: Ten points of damage. MATT: All righty. Nice. So. It takes the bolt to the side of its– just to the right of its sternum and below, and it sinks about three inches in, grabs it. Looks over towards the boss in the back corner. You can see it’s preparing itself to move. That finishes–? SAM: If I have any movement left, I’ll back up to where I was. MATT: You have 20, 25 feet. SAM: I’m going back as far as I can behind some stalags. MATT: That’s where you want to go? SAM: Uh-huh. MATT: That finishes your turn, Nott. That brings us to the top of the round. Jester, you are up. LAURA: Okay. MATT: Fjord just bamfs out of it, and now you’re the only creature, the only thing this creature sees. TRAVIS: I would have come for you, but if I ran, he’d get an attack and I’d be dead. LAURA: I take a couple breaths, I step around the corner. I’m going to– MATT: This corner? LAURA: Yeah. I’m going to turn around so I can see straight. MATT: Right there? LAURA: I’m going to look like I’m about to aim for him. I’m going to change my aim at the last second and aim straight at the slit in the wall and cast Dispel Magic. MATT: Oh, against…? LAURA: The big hole in the wall. MATT: The big hole in the wall, over there? LAURA: To trap them in here with us, yeah. MATT: What’s the range on that? LAURA: 120 feet. MATT: Oh yeah, roll a wisdom check for me, if you don’t mind. SAM: Punish that slit. No? MATT: No, no, no. LAURA: 19. Oh wait, that’s a saving throw, sorry. MATT: That’s all right. Bonus is? LAURA: 16. TRAVIS: Closed the door. The door is closed. MATT: The rift collapses. You notice, Beau, as you’re up on the side, on the opposite end of this, you can hear other calls. (grunting) Other things were approaching the rift from the opposite side to join the battle before it closes and no longer exists. LAURA: I’m going to look at the pit fiend, or whatever the fuck it is. MATT: It looks back. (angry yelling) LAURA: Now you’re trapped in here with us! I’m going to turn around and run away. (applause) LAURA: (screaming) SAM: Nice, nice, nice. LAURA: Then for my bonus action, no, that’s it. MATT: That finishes your turn, Jester. Now it’s the incubus’ turn. The incubus gives a cursory glance over towards Yasha. Doesn’t worry too much. It’s going to fly. As an action, it’s going to turn ethereal. It’s going to fly up towards this area, and now currently its physical form turning into that spectral form that it was when you previously encountered it. All righty. Finishing that, it is now the larger entity’s turn. LAURA: No, no, no, no! SAM: Can’t even get to you. LAURA: It can still get to me, though. TALIESIN: You’re going to be all right. MATT: It sees you partially behind the pillar on the opposite end. As it brings its claws up to strike you, it glances over and sees a little bit of Caduceus’ pink hair poking through and goes– Reaches back and in the middle of its claws, where the energy is gathering, it pulls back. This javelin of lighting energy appears. It pulls its claw backward, grasps it, and then launches it forward in a line, striking towards both Jester and Caduceus. I need you both to make a dexterity saving throw, please. LAURA: Ambidextrous. LAURA: Oh, 20.
TALIESIN: 17. MATT: Both of those succeed. You take half damage. You both take 14 points of lightning damage. The spear tears through, striking and splintering the top of the stalagmite that you’ve been hiding partially behind. Nevertheless, you both manage to avoid the brunt of it. LAURA: I’m going to cast Hellish Rebuke. (yelling) MATT: Go for it. Is that a constitution or a dexterity save? LAURA: That’s a dexterity save. MATT: I keep forgetting. All right, dex, all right. That is going to be a 16. LAURA: 12 is all you had to beat, so yeah. But you get half damage. MATT: Which is still? LAURA: Still at like resistance. 17, 19 points of cold damage. MATT: Reduced to nine. Then since it’s resistant, it takes four. LAURA: Yay. MATT: But that’s damage. It’s all damage. It all adds up. SAM and LAURA: How do you want to do this! LAURA: I did it, you guys! MATT: As you turn out angrily, the shards of ice that emerge from your burst of violent emotional retribution strike into its body. It flexes. TALIESIN: Do I have to make a concentration check? MATT: You do. It flexes its demonic body and the ice shards dissipate off its chest. TALIESIN: What’s the concentration check? MATT: It’s half damage or DC10, whichever’s higher. Just roll a constitution save. TALIESIN: Seven. MATT: Seven, it’s gone, unfortunately. Did you take the War Caster feat? TALIESINL I did. MATT: It’s with advantage. Oh, buddy, I’m so sorry. TALIESIN: I rolled a seven and a five. MATT: With your constitution saving throw? TALIESIN: Oh, plus con, ten. MATT: Oh, ten succeeds. TALIESIN: Nevermind, still good. MATT: It’s a constitution saving throw, so you always add your constitution save. Ten is the baseline you needed to make. Beacon of Hope is still up. TALIESIN: Be cool, be cool. MATT: Good on you. That finishes its turn. Caleb, you’re up. It’s just coming around the corner now. You watch this bolt of energy streak past, maybe a foot from you, slamming through Jester. She dodges out of the way, slamming into Caduceus as he manages to duck behind the stalagmite, and you hear the (thudding) getting louder and louder. LIAM: I pull the glove of blasting and fire off three– oh my god– bolts of fire. I’m casting at– MATT: It will get half cover. I recommend moving into– LIAM: I will bob out to the side, so I see him. Where the hell is this spell, I haven’t used it in so long. Did I lose it?Shite.It’s three attacks. The first one misses. Second one is an 18. MATT: 18 hits. LIAM: The third one is cocked. LIAM: That was an 18, do you want to call it an 18 as well? MATT: That was barely cocked, it would have stayed. LIAM: I rolled an 18. MATT: Oh, you did? Okay, yeah. LIAM: The second two. It’s 2d6 per, so. Four. Eight, so he will take half of that. MATT: Eight points of fire damage? LIAM: Yeah. MATT: Yeah, so reduced to half because it’s resistant to the arcane flames. Takes another four points of damage. LIAM: I will shout: What in the Nine Hells are we doing? I will go into the hallway into that pocket there, yeah. SAM: Stepping over the dead dog to get there. LAURA: He’s not dead, he’s sleeping! MATT: He’s over there. He’s fine. Fjord’s got to worry about that. That finishes your go, Caleb, Caduceus, you’re up. TALIESIN: Oh, boy. Okay. I don’t have a lot of useful things I can do, so I am going to– how many feet away from this creature am I? MATT: You guesstimate around 30 to 40 feet. You’re not quite sure. You’re in that in-between space. TALIESIN: Oh. I can’t really do what I want to do right now, so I will– MATT: Beau, you’re on deck. TALIESIN: I’m going to, for the moment, attempt a Sacred Flame, fuck it. MATT: Sacred Flame, go for it. TALIESIN: It’s a dex save. MATT: Dex save. That is a fail, I believe. It’s a 12. TALIESIN: That is a fail. LAURA: Is that radiant damage? TALIESIN: That is radiant damage. Just have to find my dice, here we are. That’s 11 points of radiant damage. MATT: 11 points of radiant damage, all righty. Flames burst across his chest, like (grunting). TALIESIN: Then I’m going to get a little bit. I’m going to move a little. Yeah, I’m going to get out of line. Yeah, like right over there, so that I’m– MATT: 25, 30’s as far– TALIESIN: Yeah, not quite that far back. I’m actually a little closer even. MATT: Little closer there? TALIESIN: A little closer. Hovering there, so there’s a little cover from those stalactites. MATT: You got it. That finishes your go. Beauregard, you’re up. You look and you see Yasha there, and you’re like, “All right, cool.” You see it like lumbering around the way. MARISHA: Incubus is a sexy blue specter. MATT: Correct. MARISHA: I’m going to bolt with my 90 feet of movement to bull horns. Mess with bull, get the horns. MATT: You dart around, get about there. As you move beyond Yasha, take an attack of opportunity, a Sentinel attack. Go ahead and roll. LIAM: 22 AC. TRAVIS: I forgot she was charmed. MATT: Yeah, roll an attack. TRAVIS: Hey, that’s a two! LIAM and SAM: Ooh! MATT: Are you okay? TALIESIN: He’s not going anywhere. LIAM: Shield. I’m fine. You know, for four years we’ve all been like, “What did he roll?” TRAVIS: For a total of eight. MATT: A total of eight? TRAVIS: Two plus six. MATT: All right, that’s a fail. LIAM: Do we need to talk about something? MARISHA: Instantly gif-ed. MATT: Swings wide, Beauregard, you go 90 feet? MARISHA: I go 90 feet. LIAM: It looked way worse. LAURA: As blood trickles down. MATT: You dart, Naruto run through the chamber, rocks and stones flying behind you. A cloud of dust, Roadrunner-style, is left in your wake as you dart through and around, very easily catching up to this large demonic general creature that’s made it’s way through that portal. What are you doing? MARISHA: I’m going to use that momentum and parkour off of the little stalagmite and come in with an elbow to try and go to this guy’s like back of his head. MATT: Go for it. LAURA: Parkour elbow! MARISHA: Parkour elbow! People’s elbow! SAM: Naruto-regard! MARISHA: 13 was almost good. MATT: You cut, you jump and parkour. You’re in the middle of the air, and as you’re coming down, the creature is impacted by the Sacred Flame that Caduceus hit and its wing opens up from just the reaction of the impact. The wing batters you and you completely slide off its side, landing on the ground in front of it. MARISHA: My other attack plus my hasted attack. Jesus, it’s another five. What’s with these fives? Then I have a 13. I have been rolling terribly, plus eight. 20. MATT: That does hit. Third attack does hit. Roll damage. MARISHA: 21. LIAM: Were any of those your hasted actions? MARISHA: That last one was. LIAM: Okay. MARISHA: Six damage. Rolled a one. Feeling like this is a trend. MATT: Using your staff with these? MARISHA: No, I’m using my fists. MATT: Good call. All righty. MARISHA: Then. MATT: Bonus action? MARISHA: Bonus action, oh wait, you know what? I’m going to stun him with that last hit. MATT: Stunning strike? MARISHA: Yeah, yeah, yeah. MATT: This is not a magical effect. Physical ability does not have resistance against it. That is with a… 13. MARISHA: He’s stunned! MATT: He’s stunned. SAM: Quick, punch Liam in the face. MARISHA: I just charged it. It was all worth it. MATT: As you angrily start pummeling, you find one open area toward where the wings expand. It’s not even paying attention to you. It’s honed in on Jester. As you reach beneath where its wings are, you see an area where you think maybe a kidney or some sort of sensitive spot may be. As your first hits the inside, you hear a snap or some crack on the inside, and it tenses in. Its body stops moving, its muscles locked in place. LIAM: That’s actually where its balls are. MATT: It has seven of them, they’re all hidden. LAURA: Advantage, or auto-crit? MATT: Not auto-crit. That’s paralyzed. You have advantage on attacks against it. MARISHA: Which means I’m going to use my bonus action to do a Flurry of Blows. MATT: You got it, another ki point, go for it. SAM: Flurry of Blow-regard! MARISHA: What the fucking fuck? Stop, it’s got to be you! LIAM: You’ve got to stop. That’s three for three. Every time you’ve made that joke, you fuck her rolls up. SAM: I have the power! MARISHA: One’s a 15, the other is a ten. MATT: You have advantage on these attacks, so that was your first. MARISHA: Oh, right, so 15. MATT: 15 misses. Or you strike and the demonic hide of this creature is too thick. You can’t manage to pierce through to do any real damage. Your second attack with advantage. LIAM: Come on, man. MARISHA: It’s a 13 and a 12. That gets me to 21. MATT: 21 does hit. MARISHA: Wow. SAM: That’s right. It’s all on me. MARISHA: Got to have someone to blame. That’s nine damage. MATT: As you manage to actually– pummeling it once more. One blow does move past its heavy hided demonic armor and strike it in a soft spot. That the end of your turn? MARISHA: Yeah, do I have any more movement, or was that the full 90? MATT: You haven’t used your full 90. You are about 80. MARISHA: Can I get around to the side of it? MATT: You can move. Not really, because this is rough terrain here to get past. You can’t really stop on it. That’s where you are. MARISHA: Can I scoot back just five feet, even though it probably doesn’t– MATT: You can back up there. MARISHA: Yeah, that’s good. MATT: Doesn’t get any attacks on you. That finishes your turn. MARISHA: That’s my turn. MATT: All righty. Fjord, you’re up. TRAVIS: Okay. I’ll go 15 feet even further into the tunnel because I’m fucking wrecked. MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: I will hold two Eldritch Blasts in my hands if I can see him. MATT: Got it. That’s the end of your turn. All righty, Fjord finishes his go. Yasha. Yasha is going to turn. TRAVIS: Does she make any a save or anything? MATT: What’s Yasha’s speed? TRAVIS: It’s 40. MATT: 40, so she moves there. Five, ten, 15, 30, 35, 40, yeah. TRAVIS: No save against it, right? MATT: Nope. She’s going to– LAURA: Unless she gets damaged. TRAVIS: Oh, okay. MATT: Just get right there. Stand in space. Blade there. Between Beauregard and the creature. That’s all that happens. That’s all she does. Uses a bonus action to rage. Or to maintain– does the rage drop at the end of her turn? TRAVIS: Yep. MATT: Just keeps the rage up. TRAVIS: Okay. MATT: All righty. Another rage used. Nott, you’re up. Everyone has left the chamber. SAM: I will follow Yasha that way. Do I see the sucky succubus? MATT: You do. You see the incubus, who is currently flying up on the wall in the air. SAM: Oh, it’s ethereal. MATT: But it is ethereal. Its form is not corporeal. LAURA: Can you move far enough to see Yasha? SAM: I’ve just moved like 25 feet? MATT: You were just 35. That’s the extent of your movement there. SAM: I guess I’ll bonus action keep moving, and– MATT: 20, 25, 30, 35. You can see. SAM: Oh, I can see the big beast. MATT: Yep. That’s your full movement. You can move further back if you want to, like not go as far, but– SAM: Well, if I can shoot, I’ll shoot the beast. It’s engaged, right? MATT: It is engaged. Actually, no, it is not engaged. But it is stunned, which is advantage on the attack, which gives you sneak attack on anyone. You’re fine.
SAM: I will attack, yes. MATT: You have advantage on it. SAM: That’s fine, that’s fine. 17 plus nine is a lot. 26.
MATT: 26, yeah. SAM: Okay, 12, 13, 14, 15. 21.
MATT: 21 points of damage. Nice. The bolt sinks deep, like halfway into its body. That’s your attack.
SAM: That’s great. That’s it.
MATT: All right. That ends your turn.
SAM: Useful. MATT: Top of the round, Jester, you are up. The creature, who is now stalking towards you, you watch just go (grunting) and you see Beau behind it, like a blur of motion of brown and blue and gray as she stops there, glances over towards you. LAURA: Is he stunned?
MARISHA: Uh-huh. LAURA: He’s stunned? Guiding Bolt, level three. MATT: Guiding Bolt, all righty. Go ahead and roll with advantage. MARISHA: Guiding Bolt up the butt. LAURA: 17 plus– that’s 6d6 of radiant damage. MARISHA: Come on. MATT: Just as a note, if you want to, since I know you don’t get to use it very often, because he’s stunned, he doesn’t get any attacks of opportunity on you if you move in and out. LAURA: I know, Inflict Wounds. MATT: I just know how much you want to use that ability. LAURA: I know, but I don’t want to waste my movement moving in and then moving back out, that’s the only reason I didn’t do it.
But thank you. MATT: I just know how badly
you want to use that. LAURA: Ten plus– 16, 18, 20 points of radiant damage. MATT: 20 points of radiant damage. SAM: Damn, these are good hits. He probably has is 600 points, but whatever. MATT: The next strike against it does have advantage, but its stunned, so it also gives him advantage, but that’s a nice heavy blast that burns across the front of its chest and under its jaw, you can see its like darkened leathery demon skin is now just slammed with darkened burn spots. LAURA: I’m going to take my movement to back into– I’m going to go around and back behind the stalagmite.
MATT: Over here? LAURA: Yeah. MATT: You got it. All right, that finishes your turn. LAURA: Can you use bonus action to hide? I don’t remember if I can do that. MATT: You cannot do that.
LAURA: Damn it. MATT: That is a rogue thing.
LAURA: Okay, cool. MATT: All right, that finishes your go, Jester. The incubus is going to fly. MARISHA: This piece of shit right here. This piece of shit. MATT: It’s going to fly over to this side and remain ethereal. TALIESIN: Don’t even know what you do about that. MATT: That’s going to stay right there. LAURA: I don’t think it can do anything while it moves, that’s a good thing. MATT: That finishes its turn. The large demon creature is stunned on its turn. It isn’t until the end of your turn, Beau. That’s its turn. Caleb, you’re up. LIAM: I’m just going to creep around the corner and keep three quarters cover and try to see the thing that is hurting my friends. I am going to just lob a little fire bolt at it. MATT: All right.
LIAM: That’s it. MATT: You have advantage on the attack roll, but it does have three quarters cover if you do. LIAM: Okay, yeah. That means a straight roll, right? MATT: No, it means it adds plus five to its AC. LIAM: It has plus five, okay. It’s advantage plus five. It has plus five. 12 plus eight is 20. MATT: 20 would miss.
LIAM: Okay. I’m going to stay where I am. MATT: Okay, there you go. That’s end of Caleb’s go. Caduceus, you’re up. SAM: Caddyshack! TALIESIN: I’m going to just measure the distance, see if I’ve got 30 feet on this guy. MATT: He’s just within 30 feet. TALIESIN: All right, I’m going to. I’m going to hold my action. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: I’m going to hold a– where is it, where did it go? Oh, actually, no, I should probably not do that. That would be a foolish thing to do, sorry. MATT: Come on. Beau, you’re on deck.
TALIESIN: I know. LAURA: Oh no. How many ki points do you have left? TALIESIN: Yeah, no, I’m just going to do another sacred flame. MATT: Okay. Because it is stunned, it automatically fails dexterity saving throws. TALIESIN: Oh, well, that’s nice. LAURA: That’s great. Damn. That’d been good to know. TALIESIN: That’s, ooh, that’s nice. MATT: Yeah, I hate stun. But then I love it. MARISHA: It fucking works. TALIESIN: 19 points of radiant damage. MATT: 19 points of radiant, not bad for a cantrip, buddy. LAURA: Shit. That matches my third level spell. TALIESIN: Yeah, I’m not moving, I’m not doing, I’m just going to–
MATT: Stand right there? You got it. All right. That brings us to Beauregard. MARISHA: I am just laying into this guy. MATT: Keeping track of your haste turns? MARISHA: Yes. I have four left, it’s only been two rounds, right? MATT: This is your third, so–
MARISHA: At the end of this, it will be three.
MATT: Correct. MARISHA: I’m going to drop to a knee and go for some glute punches.
MATT: Towards the creature? MARISHA: Uh-huh.
MATT: All right. You’re going to dart back into combat? MARISHA: Yep.
MATT: You’re probably have to move around Yasha to get to it back there for the glute. MARISHA: That’s okay. MATT: All right. You dodge past Yasha and you’re going to go in for the glute punches. MARISHA: I still have advantage, right? MATT: Correct, because it’s stunned. MARISHA: Okay, first attack. MARISHA: Two 11’s. MATT: Still stunned. It’s stunned until the end of her turn. MARISHA: That’s almost impressive. 19. MATT: 19 hits. MARISHA: Beautiful. Six damage. I’m not crazy, right? TRAVIS: You’re not crazy, this happened. MARISHA: Next one. SAM: You reap what you sow-regard! MARISHA: I’m stunning it. MATT: You’re stunning it again? MARISHA: Yeah. Stunning Strike. MATT: That is going to be 15. MARISHA: Yeah, that saves. MATT: Sorry. MARISHA: The next attack is another 19 to hit. MATT: Because you rolled advantage on the other strike? Yeah, so that hits. MARISHA: 19, please be anything other than one. TRAVIS: It’s a two! Oh my god. MARISHA: Ask and you shall receive. Six, sorry, seven damage. MATT: Seven damage, all right. LIAM: Your eternal reward. MATT: Up to you. MARISHA: S-s-stunning strike. MATT: Gonna use your last ki point? MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: Stunning strike again. MARISHA: This is my last ki point. LIAM: Oh, balls. MATT: 19. LIAM: So it works? MATT: No. LAURA: But we really want it to, though. Does that make a difference? MARISHA: One more attack because I’m still hasted. LIAM: Brutal. Five and a six. MARISHA: Yeah, so that’s a 14, which I don’t believe hits. MATT: 14 does not hit. TRAVIS: Is the incubus all spectral right now? MATT: Yeah, still ethereal. LIAM: Over and over. MARISHA: With advantage, even. LIAM: Hasted. MATT: That finishes your turn? MARISHA: Uh-huh, so what’s my movement that I have left? Because I did like 15 to get back in? MATT: Correct, you still have– MARISHA: Still hasted. MATT: Yeah, so you still have 80 feet of movement. MARISHA: Yeah, I want to get out and start heading towards the corridor, if I can. MATT: This way? Okay. MARISHA: He’s still stunned. MATT: You move around, 20, 25. Yasha’s going to take another attack at you. MARISHA: Have I really noticed her doing this yet? MATT: You didn’t notice her attacking last time. You were just darting forward and the swing just missed you from behind. No damage, you didn’t even notice it happened. TRAVIS: Natural one. SAM: Again? TRAVIS: That was the first time. LAURA: He rolled a two last time. SAM: That’s right. MARISHA: I’m just still in my own little world. MATT: Cannot fucking Sentinel, man. I finally get a chance to use it against you guys and you can’t hit for me. I want to roll next time, jesus. LIAM: You’ve done pretty well today, Matt. MATT: Yeah, you can get all the way over into here, if you want. MARISHA: Yeah, I’ll be behind Caleb. MATT: In the middle of that area there. MARISHA: I still want to– TRAVIS: Well, if it gets in the corridor, he’s got that long ass melee reach.
MARISHA: Yeah. Yeah, I’ll stay there though. MATT: Okay, finishes Beauregard’s turn. It is no longer stunned, thank fucking god. LIAM: Oh god. Oh god. MATT: All righty. That brings us to– SAM: Is it you and me out there? Oh, you’re back there. MATT: –Fjord. you’re up. TRAVIS: Can I see the incubus that’s perched up– that flew in and perched up? MATT: From your current position? Yes, you can. TRAVIS: Oh, but he’s all spectral. TRAVIS: He’s all spectral! MATT: He is. TRAVIS: I’m going to take this potion. MATT: All right, drink the potion. TALIESIN: You get max hit points from it. LAURA: That’s good.
TRAVIS: Oh, so it’s for– MATT: Ten, you heal ten. TRAVIS: Ten points, I’ll take it. MATT: Hand it over.
TRAVIS: No. (laughing) TRAVIS: There you go.
MATT: Thank you. All righty, so is that the end of your turn? TRAVIS: Yeah. (yodeling) (laughter) LAURA: Yee-haw! TRAVIS: Yeah, that’s the end of it. MATT: All right. Yasha’s go. LIAM: Oh, gosh. LAURA: No.
LIAM: Holy hell. LAURA: No!
LIAM: Holy shit, you guys. SAM: Oh, Yasha v. Caleb.
LAURA: What does it feel like, Caleb, what does it feel like? MATT: She’s going to attack recklessly, twice on Caleb. LAURA: Oh.
LIAM: He’s gone, he’s gone. TRAVIS: You never know. It could be double ones. SAM: Can you shield? LIAM: All right, but.
MARISHA: You’re okay. TRAVIS: Natural one. LIAM: Okay, thank you.
TRAVIS: And a 10, for 16. LIAM: Shield. MATT: Okay. So. Shielded on the first strike. Keep tabs on your AC buff, you’re up to 19 AC now? Right? All right, second attack reckless. TRAVIS: This barbarian dice, like, trying to help the barbarians out. Ooh. 21.
LIAM: Hits. MATT: Yes, go ahead and roll that full damage. TRAVIS: Oh, right, me, okay. This is the divine– MATT: Yeah. It’s the first strike of the turn. TRAVIS: Ooh, ooh. Yeah, 15, 17, 20 points of slashing damage. LIAM: Gotcha. SAM: You okay, buddy? LAURA: How you doing, Caleb? LIAM: You don’t know. (laughter) LAURA: I’m seeing it happen right in front of me, actually. MATT: That finishes Yasha’s turn and now you all know that Yasha is not on your side. MARISHA: Gasp. MATT:Nowyou know. All righty, that finishes her turn. Nott, you’re up.
SAM: Me? MATT: Yeah.
SAM: Oh boys-y. Oh boy. The thing is not engaged with any of us, right? MATT: Nope.
SAM: I saw Yasha attack Caleb. I don’t like that. Boy. This is tricky. Okay. I will shoot Yasha in the back of the head. MATT: Go for it.
TRAVIS: Yep. SAM: That’s not very good. LIAM: She’s engaged with your ally. You have advantage.
SAM: Oh. LIAM: I’m your ally.
SAM: Is that right? MATT: Yeah. Well, you don’t have advantage. But you get sneak attack damage if it hits. SAM: All right, 18 to hit. LAURA: Yeah, rogue.
MATT: On the first attack? That hits, go ahead and roll damage. SAM: And I get sneak attack? MATT: You do. LAURA: That’s okay, she’s got a lot of hit points. TRAVIS: She’s fine, she’s stout right now. SAM: Okay, not terrible. 14 plus, 20 points of damage. MATT: 20 points of damage to Yasha. Halved to ten because it is piercing, because she’s raging. She makes another wisdom saving throw. LAURA: Come on, Yasha. MATT: With advantage because of the Beacon of Hope. LAURA: Yasha-Yasha-Yasha-Yasha. TRAVIS: Wisdom saving throw?
MATT: Wisdom saving throw. LIAM: Two bad dice.
TRAVIS: 10. MATT: 10? No, it’s a fail. She’s still affected. SAM: I wait for a second to see if she seems nice. MATT: There’s no effect.
SAM: I shoot her again. (laughter) Oh, 17 to hit. MATT: Armor class? TRAVIS: That hits. Her AC is 14. SAM: Really? You know, just nine points of damage. MATT: Reduce to four. Then roll again. LAURA: Yasha-Yasha-Yasha.
TRAVIS: With advantage, right? LIAM: Come on, yeah. 16s. MARISHA: Why does–doubles again? TRAVIS: That’s the third roll in a row, yeah. 15. MATT: 15? TALIESIN: Negative one save. MATT: 15 does not save. LAURA: Oh, fuck. MATT: Just on the cusp. SAM: Sorry, sorry. MATT: Wait is it 16 or 15? TRAVIS: Natural 16 minus one. MATT: So 15, yeah. You just missed it. SAM: Sorry, Yasha. I run away, backwards. LIAM: Backwards into the chamber? MATT: There you go. SAM: Just out of sight. Not like eons away. MATT: Like over there? SAM: Yeah. MATT: Okay, that finishes your go, Nott. Jester, you’re up. LAURA: Shit. I’m going to… Peek around the corner. MATT: Barbarians aren’t known for their willpower, necessarily. TRAVIS: Rolled the same number on all three rolls, though. MATT: That is pretty crazy. TRAVIS: Nines, 11’s, 16’s. LAURA: I’m going to cast Dispel Magic at Yasha. See if it works. MATT: Okay, casting Dispel Magic at Yasha. LAURA: Yeah. Magical effect, yeah. MATT: Yeah, I’ll say, for the purposes of this, go ahead and roll a wisdom check for me. LAURA: 13. No. 14. MATT: 14. I was going to use the DC of the ability to try and dispel it, but the Dispel has no effect, unfortunately, I’m sorry. LAURA: Okay. Cool. Okay, okay, okay. SAM: This is the part of the fight where we suck. TRAVIS:Thisis the part? SAM: Yeah. LAURA: Fuck me. That’s like all I– TRAVIS: Now a warning. LAURA:Nowa warning?! Yeah, that’s it. MATT: Are you going to stay put? LAURA: I mean, yeah, why not? MATT: Sure, all right, that finishes your go, Jester. LAURA: What else am I going to do? SAM: She’s hidden a little bit. She’s not going to go down the hallway of death with you guys. LAURA: (uncertain noise) TALIESIN: It’ll fill you up. LAURA: Yeah. I’m going to use my bonus action to take my healing potion. MATT: Go for it. MARISHA: We’re living our best 300 fantasy. TRAVIS: This is the hallway of the infirm over here. LAURA: 16 plus eight? MATT: Yeah, you’re still affected. You didn’t get the Beacon of Hope.
LAURA: Yes, I did. The second casting. MATT: That’s right, you cast a second time, yeah. That’s 16 plus four. LAURA: 16 plus four, okay. MATT: Yes, you heal 20 points. TRAVIS: [inaudible] (slamming) (crying) MATT: All right, that finishes your turn, Jester. Incubus is going to stay put, and going to hold an action. Now these creatures turn. SAM: How do we get her out of the ethereal? Is it him or her?
LAURA: Him. SAM: How do we get him out of the Ethereal Plane? MATT: Step forward and make a distant claw strike against you, Caleb. LIAM: Yeah. I’m still at 19. MATT: You are. That is going to be a 24 to hit. LIAM: But that hits. TRAVIS: Yeah. He hits way above 20. MATT: You take 15 points of lightning damage. LIAM: Good night. LAURA: Are you unconscious? LIAM: No, not yet. MATT: Oh, not yet, I thought you said good night, sorry. LIAM: No, just thought more was coming. TALIESIN: He’s just a believer in planning ahead. MATT: It does not get its lance back. It’s going to take another strike at you. LIAM: Cool. SAM: (laughs) “Cool.” MATT: That’s going to be a 19 exactly. LIAM: Hits. MATT: Ooh. That’s 18 points of lightning damage. LIAM: Down. LAURA: Oh no! TRAVIS: And the world did shake. (thudding) TALIESIN: Yeah, you currently also have advantage to death saving throws. LIAM: I remembered that, Tal. MATT: Okay, and it’s going to continue moving. (thudding) Over into this space. It’s going to take an attack against you, Caduceus. It doesn’t have advantage. Why am I attacking with it? That’s a 20 to hit? TALIESIN: Oh, yeah, that hits. LIAM: Haste is dropped and you’re exhausted for a while. MATT: Oh, you’re stunned for a round. SAM: Stunned! MARISHA: Exhausted, exhausted. MATT: Not exhausted, stunned for a round. MARISHA: Stunned. MATT: That’s 16 points of lightning damage to you, Caduceus. LAURA: Oh no, you guys. TALIESIN: He’s still distant to me, so I wouldn’t get a– that doesn’t matter anyway, because he actually hit me. MATT: He’s clawing through the air and these lightning arcs going off the claws with each strike. LIAM: This is going to be the saddest panels ever this weekend. MARISHA: Shut your mouth! MATT: That ends its turn. Now it’s Caleb’s turn. Need you to make a death saving throw for me. LIAM: Sure, at advantage. TRAVIS: (grunting) LIAM: Fail. A six and a one. MATT: Down one death save. TRAVIS: (high-pitched) Woo! (nervous laughter and yelling) SAM: Travis is a soprano. TRAVIS: Oh man! MATT: All right, Caduceus, your turn. SAM: I can’t even get that high. TALIESIN: All right, all right, all right. TRAVIS: Oh, shit. TALIESIN: I’m going to cast– let’s see. Just checking, if I use Healing Word as a bonus action, I can’t cast any other spells? MATT: Other than a cantrip. TALIESIN: Other than a cantrip. In that case, first of all, I’m going to cast Healing Word. SAM: Hey, look at that. TALIESIN: You’re at nine points. MATT: I’ll allow it. The creature is big, but because you have a high enough passive perception, I’ll allow it, go for it. Healing Word. You heal him up. TRAVIS: Yeah, because one hit, and that’d be– MARISHA: He’d be dead. TALIESIN: Did I just do that right? Hold on. Sorry. TRAVIS: He’s just sitting at his feet. SAM: Yasha’s right above him. TRAVIS: Yeah! MATT: Mm-hmm. TALIESIN: Pretty sure, yeah, I think that took, really did that weirdly. Then I’m just going to use a cantrip. I’m going to… I can Sacred Flame again. MATT: Okay. Dexterity save. 13. I believe that’s a fail. Roll damage again. Just cantripping it. (blasting) LAURA: Come on, Caduceus! TALIESIN: Blech. 14 points of radiant damage. MATT: 14 points of radiant, all right. Wear and tear is starting to show on this creature. It’s not like super hurting, but you can see now, the damage is starting to add up a bit. That finish your turn? TALIESIN: I’m curious, is it in melee with– if I try and, well. MATT: You don’t know. It seems to be able to hit you from here. TALIESIN: That can mean anything, though. MATT: Yeah. TRAVIS: It can whip and it can melee. TALIESIN: You know, there doesn’t seem to really be a reason to move at the moment. SAM: Why the long faces, guys? TALIESIN: Fuck. TRAVIS: This is great. Caleb trying kill everybody. MATT: It’s your bonus and your action. You can move. TALIESIN: You know what? Actually, yeah, because maybe it will actually, maybe it will burn its reaction against me, so I will try and back the fuck off. See what happens. MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: Come on, you goth genius. TALIESIN: Okay, I’m going to curl around to try and get some, yeah. I’m getting out of there. MATT: You do need to make a constitution save for your Beacon of Hope, by the way. SAM Beacon of Hope! TALIESIN: I kind of want– 14? MATT: 14 succeeds, yeah, you still maintain it. TALIESIN: That was my bonus action, too, so yeah. MATT: Caduceus is done. Beauregard, you are stunned. TALIESIN: I am close to going down. MATT: By the end of your turn, you are no longer stunned. MARISHA: I’m not stunned, right, yeah. That’s pretty much it, right? MATT: That’s your turn. Fjord, you’re up. You see this creature come across the way. You were holding your action from last turn, so before your turn happens, you do get your held action. TRAVIS: That was from the previous turn. I took the potion on the turn after that. MATT: Potion’s a bonus action. TRAVIS: You’re right, yep. MATT: You get both. It’s a house rule, folks, don’t worry. We have a lot of players and it’s less fun to spend your action– TRAVIS: Disadvantage, advantage, I can’t remember. Just straight roll, right? MATT: Straight roll. He does have, from your current position, three-quarters cover, though, because he’s near the wall there. TRAVIS: 18 to hit. MATT: Misses. LAURA: (exaggerated) Eldritch Blast! TRAVIS: Oh, because of where I’m standing? MATT: Because of where you’re standing. You’re way back in the hallway and there are these. LAURA and TALIESIN: You were holding your action. MATT: Another one. TRAVIS: 20. MATT: 20 misses. Both hit the stone wall across the way. Unfortunately, too much of him is covered. Now it’s your turn. TRAVIS: With my bonus action, I will cast Hexblade’s Curse on the bull demon. MATT: You can do that. Hexblade’s Curse upon this motherfucker. TRAVIS: I will send the first Eldritch Blast at Yasha. The second one at the demon. MATT: Go for it. Roll for attack against Yasha first. TRAVIS: That’s a lot. That’s 20, no, 30, Jesus, 31 to hit. 19 plus 13. MATT: Fuck! TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: You have to double check what your attack bonus is on that. TRAVIS: Nope, I’m looking at the falchion, sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry. That is 27 to hit. My apologies. 19 plus eight. MATT: We still have to check that falchion attack bonus. That seems really high. TRAVIS: Oh really? MATT: Anyway. That’s fine. TRAVIS: 1d10 plus five. Seven points of Eldritch Blast damage. MATT: Mark that down on her. It’s force damage, she’s not resistant. Roll another wisdom saving throw for her with advantage. TRAVIS: With advantage? MATT: Yes. LIAM: Come on, man. TRAVIS: A natural one and a six, for five. MATT: She maintains the charm. MARISHA: Is it like this side of the table? MATT: It might be. The other attack against the creature. LIAM: And I rolled really low when I was trying to murder you guys. MARISHA: Yeah, you did. LAURA: And the what? MATT: Travis, your other attack against the main creature. TRAVIS: Yeah, okay. I kind of wanted to do the second one against Yasha, but I already said it. Misses. MATT: Nope. No effect. All right, you’re staying put? TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: All right. That finishes your go there. Yasha’s turn. Yasha looks down at the Caleb she had just knocked onto the ground and lifts Magician’s Judge above and is going to attempt to strike you while there. Since I rolled this one, that is 15 plus her attack bonus. TRAVIS: Six. MATT: 21 and that hits you. LIAM: Hits. MATT: Go ahead and roll damage for her first strike. TALIESIN: Disadvantage for? No, never mind, sorry. LAURA: That’s a ranged. TRAVIS: Sorry, 13. 17. LIAM: But I’m raging, so it’s halved. I’m unconscious. MATT: All right, second strike against you, as well. That hits, you lose two death saving throws. LIAM: It’s automatic, right? Yeah. MATT: She’s going to charge past and will go after Caduceus. TALIESIN: Goddamn it. MATT: Gets up into melee with him. All righty. LIAM: Interesting. SAM: “Interesting”?! MATT: That finishes Yasha’s go. Nott, you’re up. SAM: I’m going to run around the corner to attack. Keep going. MATT: One, two. 20, 30, 35 to get you up in there. SAM: All right, upon running around and seeing my friend, Caleb Widogast– real name– on the floor. How far am I from Caleb Widogast? MATT: You are probably in the range of 35 feet. SAM: That’s my movement. I will bonus action dash to Caleb Widogast. MATT: Movement from where he is is further from there’s a difference between distance and how to get to them, because there are things in your way. That’s rough terrain and stuff like that. In order to get to him, I’m just letting you know. But if that’s what you’re doing, going for it, giving it a shot. SAM: I’m trying to get there. Do I have to flip over shit to get to him? SAM: I’ll say yeah. Make an acrobatics check for me. It’s going to be a relatively high DC. SAM: 19, naturally. Plus eight, 27. MATT: I’ll allow it. Instead of having to zig-zag around. Five, ten, 15, 20, 25, 30. TRAVIS: Caleb! LAURA: My boy! SAM: I’ll pop the potion I stole from your teacher and dunk it down your throat. TALIESIN: Beacon of Hope is still active. LAURA: So that’s max. SAM: 4d4 plus four? LIAM: 16 plus, yeah, 20. SAM: What do you think? MATT: I’m trying to think.
SAM: You tell me. MATT: Yeah, I’ll say you’re still under the effect of Beacon of Hope. TALIESIN: It doesn’t go down when you go unconscious. SAM: I was never under Beacon of Hope. MATT: No, I know you were not. LIAM: It’s me. I was. MATT: Yeah, you’re fine. Pass that over, please. SAM: Yeah. LAURA: Oh my god, all of our– MARISHA: So many, we burned through a lot. TRAVIS: How many on the table still, one? Two. LAURA: Three. We have three on the table. MATT: That finishes your turn, Nott. SAM: That’s it. LIAM: (groaning) MATT: Jester. Your turn. LAURA: Oh my god. TALIESIN: Hit that motherfucker up there. LAURA: Yeah? TALIESIN: Yeah [inaudible]. SAM: What are you guys–? TALIESIN: What are you going to do? I’ve got plans. They’re shitty plans, but I got plans. LAURA: Okay, okay, okay, okay. I’m going to cast Spiritual Weapon as a bonus action. MATT: Okay. LAURA: Right above him. I have to do it at 3rd-level because that’s all I got left. MATT: Spiritual weapon appears. 3rd-level. Right above him. LAURA: He’s going to attack his head. MATT: Go for it, roll for an attack. LAURA: Doesn’t hit him! MATT: (clanging) Just like sparks. All these heavy, divine sparks fly off as it strikes the outside of the hardened demon hide to no effect. LAURA: I’m going to try to Toll the Dead on him, as well. MATT: All righty. Is that a constitution save? LAURA: It’s a wisdom save. MATT: I keep forgetting that. That is a 17. LAURA: Motherfucker, you always resist my– MATT: I’m so sorry, this was a natural 16. LAURA: Every fucking time! That’s okay. Ah! Didn’t work. I’m going to– Oh no, you know what I should have done? SAM: Rewind. MATT: Too late now. LAURA: I forgot Yasha’s still affected. That’s okay, I’m going to just, you know, run. I’m going to run around. Can I run around him? Try it like, no against the wall, under my spiritual weapon, and get next to Caleb and just stand over him? MATT: Yep. You are now looming over Caleb, who’s now coming out of consciousness a couple times. You’re just looking up at Jester running over. LAURA: You’ll feel better soon, after we’re all dead. LIAM: (groaning) TRAVIS: Yep, yep, yep. MATT: End of– LIAM: Jester and Caleb tied for initiative. Do I come right after her? MATT: No, you didn’t. LIAM: Oh, I thought I did. That was the past initiative roll. TALIESIN: This is the terrible future. This is the grim meathook future. MATT: That’s correct. He used his held action. He’s going to fly over here and just watch what’s transpiring on this end. LAURA: Fuck that guy. SAM: No one has a spell? that can change the existence? TRAVIS: Don’t look at this two-slot warlock, I’m out. MARISHA: Two-slot warlock! SAM: You just drank a potion; you’re back in! TRAVIS: Yeah! SAM: Get in the fight, you weakling. TRAVIS: I’m in it. MATT: It’s going to go ahead and since you are prone, it wants to put you down. It’s like, “Fucking stay down.” LAURA: I’m not protecting him? MATT: It’s a natural 20. TALIESIN: How far away am I from him? LIAM: Why even roll? MATT: We’ll see. If I roll really shitty. No, that’s 26 points damage. TALIESIN: How far away from? SAM: No! LIAM: Three times. MATT: 25 feet.
TALIESIN: Fuck, man. Let me double check. TRAVIS: What the? MARISHA: This one’s got a corkscrew. MATT: That’s the first attack. Actually. TRAVIS: What, what? MATT: It’s too late, I already decreed. It does get its lance back, but it didn’t use this turn. It’s now going to attack Nott, actually. MARISHA: This is the soundtrack to us going to hell. MATT: No, it’s going to attack Jester. Because you’re the one that’s been striking. SAM: Right under the wing over there. MATT: It barely notices you, Nott. SAM: Of course. MATT: That’s going to be 21 to hit. LAURA: I guess that hits. MATT: Okay. You take 18 points of lightning damage. It strikes across your chest with one heavy swipe. LAURA: Ow. MATT: Then it’s going to attempt another one against you. That’s going to be 23 to hit. LAURA: (pained) Yeah. MATT: This strikes you for 14 points of lightning damage. LAURA: Ugh! SAM: Still alive. MARISHA: Still up? MATT: (growling) LAURA: Ow. MATT: That’s going to end its turn. Caleb, death saving throw. LIAM: Yeah. At advantage. SAM: We’re at it again. LIAM: Just when I think I’m out, they pull me back in. Success. MATT: All right. That’s one success for you. Good. LIAM: Things are looking up, guys! MATT: Caduceus, you’re up. TALIESIN: Fudge, man. (laughter) TRAVIS: The goth with the Fright Night t-shirt looks up and says, “Fudge, man.” TALIESIN: Yeah, well. SAM: Come on. TALIESIN: Sorry, guys. TRAVIS: What are you saying sorry for, man? We’re all sucking. I don’t have shit. I’m throwing green stuff out of my hands, that’s all I got. MATT: Beau’s up next. MARISHA: Cad, you go. I know what I’m going to do: I’m going to punch things. TALIESIN: Sorry, sorry. I had a plan and then I was immediately, my plan fell apart the moment I read the spell. TRAVIS: A lot of that today. LAURA: (unhappy noise) LIAM: Like, goddamn. TALIESIN: Okay, motherfucker, motherfucker. Sorry, I’m doing. MATT: It’s not looking great. TRAVIS: We’re doing awesome, you guys. MATT: But it’s not looking dire, either. It’s definitely– I am very curious. LIAM: It’s pretty bad. TRAVIS: We’re great. MARISHA: Should we try and move out? Can anyone collapse a tunnel? SAM: What, no! We’d have to run by that thing. It’s going to kill us all. TRAVIS: Yasha, Caduceus, and Nott. SAM: Yasha isn’t even on our team! TALIESIN: Fuck it, I’m going to try something dumb. I’m going to cast Command on Yasha. LAURA That’s good. MATT: What are you telling her to do? TALIESIN: Flee. MATT: Okay. Yasha has to make a wisdom saving throw, right? With advantage. TRAVIS: Let’s get some different ones. TALIESIN: No, you want to fail this. You want to fail it. TRAVIS: I was going to Gil in here, but. MARISHA: (sarcastic laughter) TRAVIS: That’s a 16. MARISHA: Why?! TALIESIN: 16 is the– TRAVIS: Natural 19 and a natural 17. MATT: It seems the will of this remaining incubus is too strong and the spell effect does not tether itself to her brain. She’s coming for you, Caduceus. TALIESIN: I’m okay. Fudge, what am I going to do? MATT: That was your action. You have your bonus and you have your movement still. SAM: Do something for our young Caleb. TALIESIN: Fuck, man. I’m going to– MARISHA: I didn’t deliberately hit you the first time. TALIESIN: Fuck, I am so sorry. I am having a moment. TRAVIS: Take your moment! MARISHA: Can we all have a moment? MATT: Quickly, Caduceus. TALIESIN: I’m going to cast– fuck, it’s the best idea I have. I’m going to cast Resistance on Yasha. MATT: Is that an action or a bonus action? TALIESIN: It’s a cantrip, oh, shit, nevermind, it’s a fucking action, yep, I can’t do that. Fuck, I have so little I can do. MATT: Movement, bonus, time’s clicking. TALIESIN: I know, I’m so sorry. MATT: Give you ten seconds. TALIESIN: Okay. I’m going to cast– fudgsicle. I’m going to fucking run– no. Yeah. MATT: Yeah, you’re running this way. Yasha makes an attack, reckless against Caduceus. TRAVIS: Reckless?
MATT: Yes. TALIESIN: Fuck, man. TRAVIS: Yeah, that’s a 23 to hit. LAURA: Why is she rolling so well when it’s against us? MATT: You do not pull away because Sentinel. TRAVIS: Oh, but I’m also close enough, okay, fuck, it hits though, goddamn it. TRAVIS: I don’t think it gets the divine, right? MATT: No, it does not. It does not get the divine. TALIESIN: Roll low. TRAVIS: (counting) 16 points of slashing. MATT: 16 points of slashing damage. I would say roll a concentration check, but she used Magician’s Judge to dispel your Beacon of Hope. The sword glows, shattering the divine cord that’s been tethered around him this whole battle. Shatter. All right. TRAVIS and MATT: Beacon of Hope is gone. SAM: We can’t run: Caleb’s unconscious, Yasha is not with us. MATT: Beau, you’re up. TALIESIN: I’m fucked. TRAVIS: We all are. Yeah, ride or die, we’re doing it. We’re in it now, everybody’s in it. SAM: Henry David Thoreau-regard. (laughter) TRAVIS: Don’t roll any dice. You got to count to 20. MATT: Beau, what you doing? Fjord, you’re on deck. TRAVIS: You’re a fucking asshole. That was a complex web you’ve just woven. LIAM: You dare bring Walden into this? TALIESIN: Do I have my bonus action, too? MATT: No, but you ran out of time. TALIESIN: Fuck, yeah, I know. MATT: What would you have used? TALIESIN: I would have downed my healing potion in a desperate attempt to– MATT: Sure, I’ll allow it, why not? It’s quick enough, it’s fine. TRAVIS: I’ll allow it, it won’t matter. TALIESIN: No, it’s really not. MARISHA: I beat the shit out of him or I run and abandon all of you all. Can I get to him? MATT: What’d you roll? TALIESIN: Oh, it would have been before Beacon of Hope, but I can roll it if you like. MATT: I’ll say no, it would have been at the end of your– TALIESIN: It’s two plus, come on. Seven, all right. MATT: Seven damage. Not too bad. What are you doing, Beau? Running out of time. MARISHA: I asked if I could get to him. MATT: Oh yeah, you can get to him, no problem. MARISHA: Didn’t know how crowded it was. MATT: You can move around. Parkouring off the side, you can get on this end. MARISHA: These are just straight rolls, right? LIAM: You’ve got a flanking going with Nott? MATT: You do have a flank with Nott. MARISHA: I do have a flank with Nott. SAM: Correct. Let’s do this. MARISHA: All right. God, dice gods, please, please, dice gods. LIAM: You can punch me in the jaw, if it will help. MARISHA: Traveler be with us! Natural 20. LAURA: (yelling) Traveler loves you! TRAVIS: Oh my god. MARISHA: Please roll anything other than one because that’s the story tonight. That’s still the story, that’s still the story. MATT: That’s four plus? MARISHA: Plus eight, so 12. MATT: Four plus eight? MARISHA: 12, right? Four plus eight is 12? MATT: Plus eight damage from? MARISHA: No, sorry, five, plus five. Eight is my attack bonus. Yeah, so nine– no. Yes. Nine points of damage. Next one. MATT: I know. It’s all good. MARISHA: Okay, that’s a natural 17. MATT: That’s a hit. MARISHA: Eight damage. MATT: Eight points of damage, nice. This barrage of pummeling, that’s your attack-attack. You have your bonus action. MARISHA: Which I can use to do one offhanded hit, right? MATT: You can, yeah, since you don’t have any more ki points. MARISHA: Might as well. No more ki points. LIAM and MATT: That one is cocked, yeah. MARISHA: One’s a 15, though. MATT: Yeah, you hit, you’re fine. Roll damage. MARISHA: It’s a 13. Why am I rolling great now? Oh, that’s sucky, seven. MATT: Seven points of damage, all righty. Whack, whack, whack, you’re just pummeling this creature. It’s starting to look hurt. It’s angry. MARISHA: All of my might, just fucking tears coming out of the corner of Beau’s eyes. MATT: No worries. Fjord, your turn. TRAVIS: Yeah, Fjord will– fuck it, we’re all going down. He’ll run in and using the Hexblade’s Curse, he will hope for a 19 or a 20. Right there, just so I can see him fully, yeah. MATT: Does not get any bonus to its armor class. Go for it. TRAVIS: Okay. Eldritch Blast, both of them. First one. LIAM: I have a slot, but I’m unconscious. TRAVIS: Fuck, 11. MATT: 11 misses. Or it impacts, but ricochets off, the eldritch power not able to pierce its hide. Second attack. TRAVIS: 25. MATT: 25 hits. Go ahead and roll damage. TRAVIS: Really?! A one?! MATT: Oh, buddy. TALIESIN: Fuck, man. LIAM: This is a war of attrition. TRAVIS: Nine points of eldritch damage. MATT: Nine points of force damage to the creature. The blast hits it, the other one just dissipates off of it. It seems to be looking around at these ants that are harrying it from side to side. It shows far more confidence than you do, right now. That ends your turn? TRAVIS: It does. MATT: Finishing Fjord’s go, it is Yasha’s. Yasha is going to recklessly attack Caduceus with both strikes. MATT: First one. 20. TALIESIN: Oh fuck, man. MATT: All right, roll damage. The full first strike. TRAVIS: Oh my god. MATT: Oh, now all the damage rolls come through. TRAVIS: That’s three sixes, Jesus Christ. MATT: Oh, fuck! TRAVIS: 12, 18. Okay.
TALIESIN: I’m out. MARISHA: I need to take a walk for a minute. MATT: Caduceus, you’re out? TALIESIN: I’m out. MATT: Second strike hits you. It’s auto hit if it’s melee. You lose two death saves. SAM: Oh, fuck. Oh fuck, you don’t have anything? TALIESIN: I do, but it’s not great, but I do. SAM: You do?! MARISHA: You’re unconscious? TALIESIN: Once it’s my turn, I believe, I auto-stabilize. MATT: Is that part of your thing? TALIESIN: Hold on, I’ll figure it out. SAM: That’s amazing if that’s true. LAURA: Yeah, that’s huge. TRAVIS: That’s a long way away. MATT: Yasha’s going to move this way and engage with Beauregard. That finishes Yasha’s turn. Nott, you’re up. SAM: Oh my god. MATT: You just watched Caduceus just (poof) in the distance as Yasha strikes through twice. SAM: Everything is bad. I will try to move over Caleb as some sort of a goblin shield, holding up my hand saying: Please, spare him. Behind my hand, I will stick out my crossbow and shoot him in the face. MATT: Go for it. LAURA: Natural 20! SAM: Not great, only a 16. MATT: 16 does not hit. SAM: Okay. Bonus action shoot again. Even worse! MATT: Both strikes just ricocheting off his body. TRAVIS: What’s happening? MATT: Telepathic words pierce your mind as it notices your blows striking off its face and you just hear the essence of a voice, no language, just intent going, “Keep trying. “I’ll eat your face next.” SAM: I’m going to still use the rest of my movement to get off of Caleb and while not leaving melee, just go all the way around, beside Beau. MATT: To there, there is no place beside Beau to get, unfortunately. That’s as far as you can get. SAM: Actually, wait. If I stay where I was, would that be flanked? MATT: You’d be flanked for Beauregard. SAM: Then I’ll stay where I was, sorry, sorry, sorry. MATT: No worries. All right, so you stay there. Stay there. Okay, that finishes your go. Nott, top of the round, Jester, you’re up. SAM: The worst. TRAVIS: You still have– LAURA: I know. I still have the spiritual weapon up. (blows tired raspberry) I’m just going to, like– (blows tired raspberry) TRAVIS: Oh man! Oh, this is it! TALIESIN: What else? Well. LAURA: I mean, I can do, I’ve got one. I’ve got one 3rd-level left. That I could do Cure Wounds on Caleb with, but it’s going to be just enough that he’ll wake up and die again. SAM: Yeah, but at least, well– can you get to Caduceus or is he okay? LAURA: No. I can’t get to Caduceus. SAM: Yeah, I mean, save what you can. MATT: It’s up to you. LAURA: Is it, I mean. How long until he goes? Does the bad guy get to go before Caleb gets to go? MATT: Yeah. This is your call. Is this one of your last spell slots? LAURA: I’ve got three 1st-levels left and one 3rd-level left. MATT: Okay. Well, consider what those spell slots would be useful for and decide accordingly. The way things are going now. Depending on what you have prepared. TRAVIS: This is not your responsibility, also. LAURA: I’ve got that prepared. I’ll just Cure Wounds Caleb, then. I’ll reach down and cast Cure Wounds on you. Sorry bud. MATT: At 1st-level? LAURA: At 1st-level because my 3rd-level is a Revivify. MATT: Oh, you did prepare that? That’s good. This is going real bad. LAURA: Yeah, seven points. MATT: You heal seven points, Caleb. SAM: What do you have to prepared? LAURA: Revivify.
SAM: Oh my god. Is that where we are right now? MATT: Apparently. TRAVIS: We’re way past that. MATT: That’s your action. LAURA: Then for my bonus action. MATT: Still have your spiritual weapon up. LAURA: I know. I’m going to use my spiritual weapon and try to hit Yasha. MATT: Try and hit Yasha. Just going to move over. SAM: Thunk! MATT: What’d you roll to hit? LAURA: 14. TRAVIS: That’s her AC. LAURA: 13. MATT: 13 just misses. (whoosh) It just swings past her head as she pulls the blade up. It looks like she’s going for Beauregard, which would be in a flanking position for her against, although she did do reckless last turn, so you do get an advantage on it. I almost forgot that. TALIESIN: Oh my god.
MATT: Aw! TRAVIS: What is it? MATT: Natural one! You guys, you’re killing me! You’re killing me. TALIESIN: That’s not how this works. Quite the opposite, in fact. MATT: All right. That finishes Jester’s turn, unless you want to move. LAURA: He’ll get an attack of opportunity on me if I move. MATT: If you move away from him, yes. LAURA: I mean. I don’t know what else to do. TALIESIN: I mean, yeah, I don’t know. I got. I mean, other than, well, shit. MARISHA: Has Yasha already used her reaction this turn? TALIESIN: Yasha did use her reaction on me. MATT: She did, but then she took her turn next, so she has a reaction still. Oh man, all right. Is that your turn, Jester? TALIESIN: Yeah, back to reaction. LAURA: I’m going to, yeah, yeah, that’s where I am. TALIESIN: I’m a dumbass. MATT: With that, this guy’s going to swoop back onto this end to watch more of the chaos unfold. LIAM: Fucking voyeur. SAM: So creepy. MATT: Straight up. Just watching this all go down. LIAM: Is he masturbating, too? MATT: You see some movement in the corner of your eye. LAURA and SAM: Ew! MATT: No, it’s fine. It’s his turn now. TALIESIN: Shit, man. LIAM: Look out, Arizona. TALIESIN: I need some sort of heal, man. MATT: All right. It’s going to be– TRAVIS: At least we’re together at the end. TALIESIN: I’m stabilized; I’m not awake. SAM: Yeah, but you’re stabilized. MATT: You look at the ability, what was it? TALIESIN: Yeah, on the beginning of my turn, I auto-stabilized. MATT: As part of the grave cleric? TALIESIN: I’ve got the amulet. LIAM: Oh, the Periapt! MATT: But did you use it? LIAM: No, I gave it to Caduceus ages ago. MATT: How are you getting advantage on the death saves? LIAM: That was Beacon of Hope. MATT: That’s right, I forgot about that. Good call. LIAM: We sometimes remember things. TRAVIS and LIAM: Sometimes. Mostly. MATT: All right, is going to unload on Jester. Since you’re healing and bringing the guys up. LAURA: Yeah. Once we’re both down, you guys, run away. Natural 20, didn’t you? MATT: No. That was a five. That would be a 14. LAURA: (gasps) It didn’t hit me! MATT: That misses you. LAURA: Shield! MATT: The next strike, however, is a 25 to hit. LAURA: That did hit me, though. LIAM: I’m so light-headed right now. TALIESIN: I know, it’s so hard to think. It’s really hard to think. MATT: 21 points of lightning damage. LAURA: Okay. MATT: And– LIAM: Whap! SAM: No problem. MATT: Actually, you know what, no, I take that back. SAM: No, that’s fine. You can do that. She’s fine. LAURA: Shut up. SAM She’s fine! MATT: Instead, the creature is going to– LIAM: Have a change of heart? MATT: — step back this way. Jester, you do have an attack of opportunity. LAURA: Okay. 24. MATT: That hits. Roll damage with your additional– What’s the additional damage you deal? Is it poison? LAURA: Oh, that’s right, I do have poison damage. MATT: Don’t bother rolling it, it’s immune. Sorry, I always forget what it was. I feel so bad! I really was like, “Yay! Oh no, sorry.” I’m a total asshole, I’m so sorry, I did not mean that. Roll damage for it. LAURA: Six points of damage. MATT: It’s going to take its lightning lance and (whoosh) across the three of you. LIAM: Is that a spell? MATT: No. It’s a special ability. LAURA: Is it a ranged attack? MATT: Technically, it is a magic effect. You guys have to make dexterity saving throws. LIAM: Counterspell would have zero, fuck all to do here. MATT: It’s not an actual spell, yeah. SAM: Uncanny dodge, also? MATT: Uncanny dodge would affect it. Make a dexterity saving throw. You make it with disadvantage, I believe, because you are prone. LIAM: I failed. MATT: Actually no, you don’t have disadvantage on it. LIAM: First roll was ass. MATT: First roll? 27 points lightning damage. LIAM: I’m out. SAM: Fail. MATT: You take half damage. You take– LAURA: How do you know it was a fail? SAM: I rolled a four. MATT: 13. Then. LAURA: 18. MATT: 18 succeeds. You take 13 points of lightning damage. LAURA: Oh, okay. SAM: Hey. LIAM: I’ve been almost doing something for 30 minutes. And just whack, whack, whack. TRAVIS: Yasha’s been charmed for 30 minutes. That’s insane. MATT: It’s moving back out of the range of this. It’s going to step away. Do you have a reaction you want to take? Oh, you don’t have a melee weapon ready, so you don’t. SAM: My, oh. I mean, I have a weapon, but– MATT: Right, but you don’t have it ready. SAM: Can I take an unarmed strike? MATT: Sure, go for it. SAM: Nope. MATT: Worth a shot. All right, Caleb, your turn. LIAM: Oh, right. It’s a straight roll. MATT: Straight death save roll. LIAM: Fail. MATT: First fail. Caduceus, death save for me. TALIESIN: No, I’m stabilized. MATT: You’re stabilized. You’re good. You are– I cannot kill you! TALIESIN: Good is a relative term. MATT: True. All right, Beauregard. MARISHA: I’ve got Yasha on my ass? MATT: You do. LAURA: Yeah, you do. MARISHA: Just in the way I’ve been dreaming. MATT: Well, technically, no, go ahead. Because you forgot to– your turn. MARISHA: I forgot to do what? MATT: He moved away from you, you could have taken a Sentinel attack to move him out of the– MARISHA: I thought about that, but then he wouldn’t have moved, right? MATT: That’s true, he wouldn’t move. MARISHA: Is that a bad thing? MATT: Doesn’t matter. What are you doing on your turn? SAM: Shit. Could I have done a Shocking Grasp as my melee attack? MATT: Not as a reaction. SAM: Okay. MATT: If you had War Caster, I think you can. MARISHA: I’m going to elbow Yasha in the nose. MATT: Go for it. MARISHA: Straight attack, right. LIAM: Yes. MARISHA: Mmm hmm, that hits. 24. MATT: That hits. Roll damage. MARISHA: Oh, I should have used my staff for this one. Can I use my staff for this one? MATT: Sure, go for it, if you want to. Yeah, go for it. MARISHA: It doesn’t matter. It’s actually technically lower. Seven damage.
MATT: Seven points damage, reduced to half, so three points motion damage to her. Make another wisdom save. TRAVIS: No more advantage, right? MATT: Correct, just a single roll. TRAVIS: Gil. MARISHA: Fuck us, Gil.
SAM: Fuck us, Gil. TRAVIS: Nine.
MATT: Nine, she doesn’t work. Next.
MARISHA: She doesn’t save? MATT: No, she doesn’t make the save. She’s still charmed. SAM and MARISHA: We didn’t want him to fuck us. SAM: We wanted him to not fuck us.Wesaid the wrong thing! MATT: You did, you did. Crack across her face, Yasha goes– TALIESIN: She has to roll really goddamn high. LAURA: Yeah, she has to roll, like, a natural 20. TALIESIN: 17, I believe, is what she has to roll. TRAVIS: That would not have– MATT: That’s your first attack, Beau. LAURA: Hit her again. MATT: What are you doing, Beau? MARISHA: It’s useless. LIAM and LAURA: No, it’s not. LAURA: Hit her again. MATT: The first hit does nothing. You have another attack and a bonus. What’re you doing? LIAM: Turn the gooch, come on. MARISHA: Fine, I will hit her again, I will hit her again. I guess we don’t want her to– 18. MATT: 18 hits. Go ahead and roll damage. LIAM: Take her out. One of these will take her out of it. MARISHA: That’s eight damage. MATT: Reduced to four. She takes four points of bludgeoning damage. TRAVIS: Yes. 13. MATT: 13. She maintains. SAM: Goddamn it. MATT: Bonus attack. MARISHA: She has to roll a 17 or higher. Yeah, that hits. 19. MATT: 19, go ahead and roll damage. Just smacking her across the head and then punching. Roll damage for the punch. LIAM: Come on, Slow-regard. MARISHA: Ten damage.
TRAVIS: Ten damage? MATT: Reduced to five. TRAVIS: Come on, CR dice. MATT: Mark the five. MARISHA: 16. MARISHA: That’s what we need. We needed 17. (yelling) Just beat the shit out of my friend! MATT: Take the five damage for Yasha on top of that. With a third hit (impact) “Ugh.” MARISHA: I go: You are in a toxic relationship. MATT: Her fist catches the last punch and she goes, “I’m sorry.”
MARISHA: Fucking gaslighters, come on, let’s go. MATT: She looks over towards the demon and the rage you saw before goes super deep. You see veins bulge in her forehead. Her eyes narrow and you see foam forming up at the corners of her mouth. So she is no longer charmed. MARISHA: I am going to now move. Because she won’t deck me in the face if I leave. MATT: You assume so. MARISHA: I’m going to move where though? LAURA: Give your healing potion to Caduceus.
MARISHA: I use my bonus action to beat her in the face. LAURA: Just kidding.
MARISHA: I’m going to– (laughter) MARISHA: I don’t want to get near this thing, but I don’t want to be in a line. I’m just going to shift over like here a little bit. MATT: Okay, you got it.
MARISHA: Kind of get out of the way for Yasha. MATT: Perfect, all right. That brings us to Fjord’s turn. TRAVIS: I’ll walk up and stand and– is Caleb, are you down? You’re unconscious, right? Yeah, I’ll try and step over Caleb and stand in front of him. Between him and the demon. MATT: You got it. TRAVIS: Two Eldritch blasts. SAM: Do-si-do, motherfuckers. TRAVIS: 17.
MATT: 17 does not hit. It misses by one. TRAVIS: Okay, next. And a 10. MATT: Both miss, unfortunately. LIAM: Dammit, Bobby. MATT: You’re shook. You’re just shook. Can’t quite make them attacks land, I’m sorry. All right, that finishes your go. TRAVIS: Sure does.
MATT: All right. Yasha’s turn. Yasha, freed from the charm. I’m not even going to tell you what she does. She knows what she’s going to do. She’s so angry that she was forced to attack her friends and take five, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35, and is going to take two reckless attacks against it. Go ahead and roll attacks. MARISHA: Kill, kill. TRAVIS: I don’t know what dice to use anymore. MARISHA: Everything’s a lie. Everything’s a lie! TRAVIS: I don’t know what’s happening right now. That’s shit. That does not hit. MATT: Okay, next attack, still reckless. LIAM: (singing) Everything is awesome! Everything is cool when you’re part of a team? TRAVIS: 20. MATT: 20 hits. Go ahead and roll a full damage for her. MARISHA: Lego showed us the way. TRAVIS: Okay. 12, 13. 19, 20, 21. 21 points of slashing–
MATT: 21 points damage. The first strike whips the second one. Carves through a big section of its chest, leaving this heavy wound, blood splatters and hisses when it hits the ground, releasing steam from the fiendish gore that is spattered across the stone. The creature’s looking really hurt. It’s looking back over its shoulder to where the opening was and sees that it’s closed and is like (growling). You guys have closed its exit. LAURA: Yeah, we have. (fake sobs) MATT: All right, that brings us to Nott’s turn. SAM: Oh, she’s engaged. I fire. TALIESIN: You turn and fire across Beau. SAM: Yes, 20 something.
MATT: That hits. SAM: 26 or something crazy. Yes!
LAURA: Ooh! SAM: 25 points of damage. MATT: Ooh! (inhales) Ooh, looking real bad! SAM: I will take a swig and fire again.
MARISHA: Come on, come on. SAM: 21 points to hit.
MATT: To hit, does hit. Roll damage. SAM: My great– eight more points of damage. SAM: All right, that finishes your turn, Nott. Going to move? SAM: Caleb’s still down. You know what, we’re all clumped, I’ll move. I’ll move towards the water. MATT: Over here?
SAM: Yes. Just away from the clump, yeah. MATT: You got it. Okay. That finishes that. That brings us to… SAM: Live, Caleb, live! MATT: Top of the round. Jester. SAM: You’ve never given up on anything in your life! LAURA: I’m going to move my spiritual weapon up to try to hit him. MATT: It can move 20 feet? LAURA: It can move, I think, 30 feet. TALIESIN: There’s still that motherfucker in the corner. LAURA: Yeah, but we can’t hit him. He’s ethereal. TALIESIN: Motherfucker. MATT: Move 20 feet? LAURA: I think it can move 30 feet. MATT: I think it might be 20.
LAURA: Oh, really? MATT: Double-check for me.
LIAM: Yeah, 20 for spiritual. LAURA: Oh, really?
MATT: Yeah. LAURA: Balls, balls.
MATT: Do you want to keep it where it is or do you want to move it? LAURA: Oh, wait that’s the wrong thing. I guess keep it where it is then, in case the bad guy in the corner comes down. MATT: You got it. LAURA: I’m going to cast… Guiding Bolt at him?
MATT: Go for it. Roll for an attack. MARISHA: Up the butt. LAURA: Guiding Bolt. MARISHA and LAURA: Up the butt! LAURA: That did not hit. It was a 10. MATT: Arcs off. Your hand shaking as you go to release it. And, unable to control the release of divine energy, it misses by about a foot. LAURA: Oops. MATT: Stay put or you want to move? LAURA: Huh? Heal spell? Oh, are you still unconscious? SAM: Yes!
LIAM: Super unconscious. LAURA: Oh no!
SAM: So is Caduceus. LAURA: I thought he was about to die, though. MATT: That’s your action, bonus action. You can move if you want to. LAURA: I’m going to cast– oh no, that’s an action. Motherfucker. I’m going to– for my movement, can I try to pull Caleb back a little bit? MATT: Sure. LIAM: He instantly fails a death save. MATT: Across the giant rocks. LAURA: No, no, no. Into the tunnel. MATT: Yeah, I’d say you can pull him about there. SAM: That’s clutch. MATT: Half movement. You pull him out of the way. LAURA: It’s something.
SAM: It’s great. Especially if they throw the javelin thing. MATT: All right, that finishes your turn. LAURA: Sorry about that. MATT: At the end of your turn, the held action of the incubus, it uses its ability to become not ethereal any further. LAURA: Oh, so I would have gotten to, oh no, that was– no. MATT: All right, so, that’s the end of your turn? LAURA: Yeah. MARISHA: He’s not ethereal no more? LIAM: He’s a real boy. He’s a real perv. MATT: You hear this sound. MARISHA: You piece of shit. MATT: This voice in your head, Beauregard. Saying, “We haven’t tangled yet.” You glance over your– look forward. It’s no longer ethereal, in that moment you take a wisdom save. You don’t have advantage. MARISHA: No more blessing.
TALIESIN: No. MARISHA: 22. MATT: Shit, yeah, you ignore it. MARISHA: I turn around and I go: You’re not my type. MATT: (laughs) SAM: I like them thick. MATT: It’s going to fly over this way. LIAM: Eh… MATT: That’s about as far as it can get with its speed. LIAM: Fuck off, Alan Cumming. MATT: All right, finishes its go. MARISHA: Alan Cumming’s a different story, though. LIAM: That’s for you. MARISHA: That’s for me, personally, not for Beau. MATT: Since Yasha’s right there in the front– LIAM: Everybody gets a pass for Alan Cumming. MATT: — he’s going to strike. Just can’t get– LIAM: I just said that on the internet. No, actually, it does have fly speed. MARISHA: Everyone knows that’s true already. TALIESIN: Not an attack, but a reaction, right? MATT: It doesn’t leave her melee range. It just moves over her. Landing on the ground. It’s going to go ahead and– LAURA: Are the ceilings high enough for him to do that? For sure? MATT: Oh, valid point, actually. TALIESIN: Thank you.
MATT: It’s low enough. TALIESIN: That’s right, the description. MATT: Yeah, no, that’s true. Kind of, can’t quite do it. So.
MARISHA: Obey the description. MATT: It’s just instead going to leap over, or step over these things. It reduces its speed dramatically. It can only really get there. LIAM: (growly voice) Like Vex, I was meant to fly. MATT: It’s going to unleash on you, Fjord. MARISHA: Old campaign references. We are going to try. MATT: 19 to hit. TRAVIS: That hits.
MATT: All right. You take 17 points lightning damage. As a lightning arc shoots from its claw and strikes into your chest. Second attack against you. 25 to hit?
TRAVIS: Mm hmm. MATT: Take 18, 19 points of lightning damage. (crying) LAURA: Oh god, what have we done? LIAM: Sonic boom.
LAURA: What have I done? I’m the stupidest. MATT: Third attack against you. It’s ranged. I’m supposed to roll to hit. It’s 20 to hit.
TRAVIS: Hits. MATT: Yeah. It is not an auto-crit, but you do lose a death save. TRAVIS: Just one?
MATT: Just one. LIAM: It’s ranged, not melee. SAM: You have one job. LAURA: No. No, that’s not true. MATT: Your turn, Caleb. Make a death save. LIAM: Matt Colville meteorite die. Don’t fuck me, Matt. Natural 20. MATT: Natural 20. You stabilize and you get a turn. MARISHA: You stabilize!
LIAM: I get a turn? MATT: If you roll a natural 20, if I recall– LAURA: You get one hit point, don’t you? MATT: Which means, and it happens at the top of your turn, so– MARISHA: We learned this because of Handbooker Helper. MATT: Yep, yep. LAURA: Oh my god, you’re alive. MARISHA: Thank you, Dani Carr. MATT: I’m pretty sure. Just double checking, but I’m pretty sure that’s how it goes. LAURA: Oh my god, Caleb, I brought you back. Aren’t you so happy? TRAVIS: (groaning) MATT: Yep, if you roll a 20, you regain a hit point. You are conscious at the top of your turn. What do you do? You are prone, though. SAM: The thing that you’ve been waiting to do. LIAM: Stand up.Ja.Can I see the bull man? MATT: From where you are now, no. LIAM: I am going to take– go five feet out. Can I see the bull man? MATT: Barely around the corner, yeah. LIAM: Okay, put some molasses on my lip and I cast Slow. MATT: Okay. MATT: What is the–?
LIAM: Wisdom 16. MATT: Wisdom 16. That’s a 14. LIAM: No reactions. It can do an action or a bonus action. Its AC is down two. MATT: Correct.
LIAM: I will back up five feet. Get the fuck out. MATT: The creature is now–. Even the arcs in its hands are going–. They’re slowing. LAURA: Caleb, that would have been really useful a lot earlier in this fight. LIAM: (slowly) You should have healed me. (laughter) LAURA: I’ve been healing you. That’s all I’ve been doing. MATT: Caleb, end of your turn.
LIAM: Blood coming out of my eyes, yes. MATT: Caduceus, you’re stabilized. Beauregard. MARISHA: Pop pop. I’m going to go up and do the thing. I’m going to do the thing I do best. I’m going to punch him in the dick. LIAM: Negative two AC, negative two AC. MARISHA: Negative two AC, negative two AC. TALIESIN: Do you get an advantage because of flanking or no? MARISHA: Do I get an advantage? MATT: You’re not flanking.
MARISHA: 20 total. MATT: Flanking is on the opposite side. 20 hits.
LAURA: 20. MARISHA: Fucking bullshit, fucking rolls. Six damage. MATT: All right.
MARISHA: Second attack. That’s a natural 18. For six, 26. LAURA: Is that a little goldfish in there? MARISHA: Yeah, a little goldfish. Isn’t that cute? This is from Green Leaf Dice. TRAVIS: Oh my god! MARISHA: That’s good. That’s good. Ten damage. MATT: How do you want to do this? (yelling) SAM: How do you want to do-regard? MARISHA: On that goldfish die. DANI: (screams faintly) MARISHA: Okay. (laughter) MATT: You can hear Dani. LIAM: Dani Carr just exploded into glitter. TRAVIS: I think some of them are in the office. MARISHA: As I see the lightning strikes move in slow motion, I’m going to hone into that and I’m going to dodge through them and I’m going to get that first dick punch, because I did promise that. You got to go for the dick. Then I’m going to go stunning palm, right through his sternum, and I’m going to feel his sternum like crack into his heart. MATT: As you push through, the sternum cracks, and the heavy leather that’s been slashed through that marks its heavy armored hide gives away, and your first pierces six, 10, to the elbow into the chest and you can feel your hand reach some sort of like (heartbeat) part of the interior of the chest. MARISHA: And I rip it out! MATT: It’s about this big, by the way. You have to like curve around and yank it out. As you tear this black, thick, demonic heart, you watch as all the various veins and capillaries, all the attached, it’s like pulling the center of a computer away from all the cables that hold it in place and you’re covered in steaming demon blood. As you tear it out, the creature (groan) and immediately the eyes lull, it falls back into the water. (steam) As its blood hits it, it causes steam to rise up and fill the space around you. The entire vicinity is obscured. A few moments later (fading steam). The steam slowly dissipates and you see the creature now just elements of its body visible above the surface. Of the heated pool that is now still bubbling around him. As you hold the demonic heart, now no longer pumping in your hand, the size of a basketball. MARISHA: You know, when I envisioned this in my head, it was like a little bit more– this is a little awkward. I regret this. TALIESIN: We’re not out of this yet. There’s woods there. LAURA: We’re still in the initiative order? MATT: Yes we are. That finishes your turn, Beau? MARISHA: Yeah, I just lop the heart like that. MATT: All right.
MARISHA: That is my turn. MATT: That finishes your go. Fjord, you’re up. TRAVIS: Oh, death saving throw, right? MATT: Death saving throw, yeah. SAM: Are you down one?
TRAVIS: Yep. LAURA: Oh, he is.
TRAVIS: Success. MATT: Success, there you go. TALIESIN: Cool beans, cool beans. MATT: All right, Yasha’s go. Yasha, since he is now gone. This stone has fallen over. LAURA: Get the fuck out of here. MATT: He is.
SAM: He don’t got nothing. LAURA: Maybe he does. MATT: There we go.
LAURA: He’s got things on his wrists that he slammed together. SAM: That’s true. That’s true. TALIESIN: That motherfucker, that motherfucker. MATT: Yasha’s going to turn this way. Five, 10. 40. Can’t quite get close enough. Instead going to move over this way to prevent it from flying overhead. She’s going to crawl up on top of this space to occupy the vicinity, so if it tries to fly past, she’ll–
LAURA: Doesn’t Yasha have some like healing ability? That she could do for Caleb?
MATT: That’s true. LAURA: I mean, for Caduceus. MATT: For Caduceus, yeah. TRAVIS: Yeah, she has– LAURA: She has Lay on Hands or something? TALIESIN: She does.
TRAVIS: She has… Healing Hands.
MATT: She can’t get close enough to do it, though, unfortunately. TALIESIN: Also could have passed by Fjord, though. MATT: That’s true. Yeah, Fjord’s on the ground, so instead, Yasha will go ahead and move by and use healing hands on Fjord. TRAVIS: Thank you. MATT: Go ahead and add that healing to yourself. I think, is it her level? TRAVIS: It’s just eight points. MATT: Eight points, so yeah. That would be her level. You heal eight points. You are no longer making death saves. Yasha’s turn is done. Nott, you’re up.
SAM: Oh, me? Oh gosh, oh golly. Oh by gosh, by golly. LAURA: Is he still ethereal or–? No, he’s solid now.
MATT: No, he’s solid now. Because he tried to charm Beau. SAM: Okay, I will run over closer, find something to hide behind. MATT: Over here would probably be your best bet or over here. It’s up to you. SAM: Bonus action hide. Hold action to shoot.
MATT: Roll a stealth check. SAM: Advantage because the cloak? MATT: Yep. Always an advantage with the cloak. SAM: Natural 20.
MATT: Oh, yeah. You step over there and just– SAM: I throw a piece of rock to distract or something. MATT: All right, that finishes your go. You’re holding your action to– SAM: To fire a crossbow, loading explosive arrow, getting ready to fire.
MATT: All righty. That brings us to… Jester’s go. Jester, you’re up. SAM: Until they’re like in combat. In melee with one of our people. LAURA: I’m going to use my Spiritual Weapon and try to hit it. MATT: 10, 15, 20, that gets you in range. LAURA: 17 plus eight.
MATT: That definitely hits. Go ahead and roll damage. LAURA: D8. That’s a one. Plus what is it? Plus five, yeah. So six points. MATT: Six points, bludgeoning damage, slams into it. LAURA: I’m going to run forward. I guess I would have run forward before that. MATT: That is as far as you can move to get there. TRAVIS: I forgot about Relentless Endurance. LAURA: I can’t get all the way to you. TALIESIN: No. LAURA: I’m going to– TALIESIN: That’s okay. Do what you got to do. Or, you know, take a voof or boof. LAURA: Yeah, I’ll boof a Guiding Bolt at it at first level. MATT: You have another first level spell? All righty, go ahead and roll for an attack. TALIESIN: Hey!
LAURA: 19 plus eight. MATT: Oh, yeah, that hits. Go ahead and roll damage.
LAURA: 4D6. Five, seven. One, eight points. MATT: Eight points of damage to it. LAURA: With advantage, next person gets attack. MATT: Next attack it has advantage. All righty. All right, it is now the creature’s turn. Who hasn’t he gone for? You’re the one attacking it. No, this one’s already tried against you. You’ve already resisted. SAM: Decisions, decisions. (ominous music) TRAVIS: I don’t know. MATT: No, this is a position where– TRAVIS: If somebody resists against it, it can’t do it again? MATT: It doesn’t know where you are. LAURA: Yay.
SAM: It can’t try again with someone that’s already done? MATT: It sees you all eyeing Caduceus. It’s going to go ahead and fly over. SAM: Oh no.
MATT: It’s going to make it’s attack against you. That is going to be a 17 to hit. LAURA: He’s unconscious. TALIESIN: Yeah, that misses. MATT: Oh, because you’re unconscious, it’s with advantage. That brings it to a 19. Does that hit? TALIESIN: That does hit. MATT: All right, so you lose two death saving throws. TALIESIN: Wait, if I’m unconscious, I lose two death saving throws? Okay, not already, okay. LAURA: When he stabilized, that started over. MATT: Stabilized it goes, wait, hold on, that’s a good point. SAM: Stabilized isn’t alive, though, right? It’s just not dead.
TALIESIN: No, it’s alive. You’re unconscious.
MARISHA: You don’t have to roll death saves anymore. But you don’t– you’re not conscious. TALIESIN: You’re also not– MATT: Have you lost any previously? TALIESIN: No, I’m even keel.
MATT: Right. Then that would put you–
LAURA: Oh, okay. It doesn’t matter. TALIESIN: Well, mean, it does, it does, but you know, this is bad. MATT: A stable creature doesn’t make saving throws. You don’t make death saving throws, but you can still lose them. You’ve lost two death saving throws. TALIESIN: I’m two down, okay.
MATT: Yes. TRAVIS: Back to oh shit. MATT: That’s its turn. TALIESIN: Okay. MATT: It’s trying to take you out. All right, that brings us to Caleb. LIAM: Potions are a bonus action for us, right? LIAM: For yourself, yes. They’re an action–
LIAM: For someone else? LAURA: Can I use my turn to move as far close to Caduceus as possible? MATT: Sure.
SAM: Has the incubus attacked Caduceus. Did that put it in melee with Caduceus? MATT: Caduceus is not threatening it, so it wouldn’t be considered in melee.
SAM: Shit. But because I’m so hidden, no, that doesn’t matter. MATT: No. Well, you don’t know, it could. If you think it doesn’t see you. The trigger you’re waiting for is somebody to get into melee, so.
SAM: Yeah. Because I didn’t know if I hid. MATT: You’re waiting for somebody to get– TALIESIN: Although seeing it hit me wouldn’t trigger, oh, no, no, no. SAM: Yeah, I don’t know. MATT: I’ll put it this way. Would you consider it getting next to Caduceus, waiting for it to get closer to a friend? SAM: I was waiting for it to get within a position where I could sneak attack, which, so far, has been any time it’s been engaged with one of my friends. MATT: Sure, I’ll allow it.
SAM: Okay, I will fire. At advantage.
MATT: At advantage, because you’re hidden. You do not get sneak attack because he does not threaten the creature even though he’s an ally. But you can sneak attack because it does not know you’re there because you were hidden from it. SAM: I get advantage, but not sneak attack damage. MATT: You get sneak attack damage whenever you have advantage on the strike. Having it next to a friend is only useful if you do not have advantage on the strike. SAM: You would have had advantage anyway because of the last time it got hit was. MATT: Guiding bolts, you’re fine. LAURA: Sneak attack.
SAM: 23. 25. Something like that. MATT: How do you want to do this? LAURA: Wait, no, he hasn’t rolled advantage yet. MATT: I know. You didn’t–
SAM: It’s 20 or something. MATT: Yeah, how do you want to do this? LAURA: Oh my god. SAM: How would I like to do this? It’s an explosive arrow. Oh no. MATT: Okay, okay.
SAM: Oh no. MATT: So.
SAM: Oh no. MATT: So.
SAM: Oh no. MATT: As you see it rush past the friend, you fire, and the bolt strikes towards it and detonates. SAM: Oh no.
MATT: You watch as portions of the incubus are scattered across the ceiling, the walls, the floors. SAM: I celebrate.
MATT: Dripping down. You celebrate like, “Yeah!” And all you see is like the body of Caduceus, which is thrown about five or six feet from the explosion land on the ground, charred and dead. LAURA: No! I run forward. MATT: Okay.
LAURA: I cast Revivify. MATT: You still have–? LAURA: I have a third level left because I have my Pearl of fucking Power! MATT: Okay. All right, yeah. Combat’s over. You go ahead and you pull out the diamond that you thankfully–
LAURA: Got back. MATT: Thankfully, that ogre didn’t win that fight. Or anybody else.
SAM: Oh my god. Is this a thing she has to roll for? MATT: No, no. It’s within one minute. As you see Caduceus burned, eyes partially open, the final breath escape the body, (thud) onto the stone. You rush forward, pull out the diamond. LAURA: Traveler, tell the wild mother that Caduceus needs help. I place the diamond on his chest and I cast Revivify. MATT: Okay. As you cast the spell, the diamond shatters in place into thousands of tiny, sparkling glittering beads of light. They all stop in place and float above him. As your hand’s out in front, you see a second hand appear. Spectral, green. You see a cloaked arm around it. The Traveler’s hand is with you. He pushes your hand forward into this series of sparkles, and it’s warm to the touch, and you watch as they all gather around your hand. For just an instant, for just an instant, you feel this presence and you swear amongst the shadows for a split second, you can see this heavy tumbling hair and a matronly smile. In the shadow above, but you blink and it’s gone. As you look down, the energy that’s around your hand drifts into Caduceus’s chest. You see all the sparkling bits of light all going out, hundreds at a time, before all of them have transitioned into his body. There’s a pause. The voice in your ear, a familiar voice says, “I’m proud of you.” “(gasps)” TALIESIN: (snoring) (laughter) LAURA: (whispering) Caduceus! Hey! TALIESIN: Am I even at one hit point? MATT: You’re at one hit point. LIAM: “That’s nice.”
TALIESIN: Is it over? Oh, that doesn’t feel good, oh. LAURA: I’m sorry. TALIESIN: I had the weirdest dream. Oh, oh, that’s stiff. LAURA: You’ll never believe what I saw. TALIESIN: What did you see?
LAURA: I saw your Wildmother. She was looking over you and smiling. TALIESIN: That is, I’m going to sleep– that’s good. LAURA: He should probably sleep. He needs some rest, though. TRAVIS: I think we all need some rest, and I sit up. (laughter) TALIESIN: Is it over? Hey. MARISHA: Hey, Caddyshack.
TALIESIN: (laughs) Wow. MATT: You had this strange vision in the darkness. You saw fields. Beautiful, distant. You saw ice covered lands. You saw a fiery forge. You saw historical glimpses of different families out there, scattered. Warm breeze blew through. The breeze blew east. Past the mountains, past the wastes. You feel like you’re on the right path. You can’t explain it. TALIESIN: Well, that was invigorating. Let’s take a few minutes. LAURA: Yeah. TALIESIN: I think I got something left. LAURA: You guys, we did it. SAM: Perfect plan. MARISHA: Nailed it. TALIESIN: I’m going to sit up and start Prayer of Healing for everybody. MATT: All righty. TALIESIN: For the way out, so we’re not– SAM: So many deaths. MARISHA: So many healing potions. TALIESIN: That’s going to be 15 points for everybody, but it’s going to take a few minutes. LIAM: Caleb’s looking like Dragon Age blood effect on max. (laughter) MATT: That’s the best reference. TRAVIS: Perfect ref. LIAM: Staggers towards the body of the fuckboy fellow and I’m going to loot the shit out of that pile of meat. MATT: Which one, the big one?
SAM: The incubus or? LIAM: No, this one. I’m going to see if there’s anything on this fucking thing, covered in gore. MATT: Okay, make an investigation check. TALIESIN: Need more diamonds. SAM: I’ll go to the succubus or whatever one over there. MATT: Make an investigation check. LIAM: 21. MATT: Okay.
SAM: 26. MATT: 26. On the incubus, you find not a lot of, not much to carry, doesn’t seem to have, really, pockets. Except for like a small pouch, where you see contains 20 pieces of platinum. TALIESIN: Hey! MATT: A rainy day fund in case this incubus, I guess, needed to bribe its way through something. On the succubus, you come across– there is a series of sheets that are rolled together like parchment. All of which are very, you think they’re parchment, at first, and as you grab them, they are leather, they are like made of some creature’s hide that has been tanned. They have a really, scaled texture to it. Like a heavy callous, almost, that’s curled and pushed until it’s become flexible. But it is bound with a heavy piece of cord. Closed. Like, you manage to rummage and pull it out of a small case that’s attached to it. SAM: Can I open it up?
MATT: Yeah. SAM: Okay. MATT: It looks like a language you don’t understand. I believe, what languages do you know? SAM: Just Goblin, Common, and Halfling. MATT: Yeah, you don’t understand this language. However, you do– actually, no, you don’t recognize this at all. SAM: It’s just a language. MATT: It’s script. It looks like a language and there’s some small sketches and schematics on it. SAM: I’ll just pocket that. MATT: Okay. You rolled? LAURA: I didn’t roll yet. MATT: Oh, roll investigation check for me. LAURA: (chuckles) He’s a big demon-y guy. MATT: Yeah, underwater, mostly. LAURA: I rolled a four. I was mostly looking for his wrist things, anyway. MATT: Okay, yeah, you don’t find much on him. However, there are these heavy gloves. They stop beneath the fingers this way, and they have gauntlet plates above the guard, in place of the claws of the creature would come through. You see these like metal studs across each knuckle, and are organized across the back of the hand, where it seems that electrical charge was gathered. They end at the wrist, and there’s a little bit of overlap there. They’re massive, and you peel them off the creature, and they’re still covered in its own blood, and they smell like an electrical fire. Similar to the arcing, the smell that you heard with each thrust of the electrical lance that it flung earlier. Yeah, it’s fun. LAURA: If I put it on, does it seem to shrink down to my hand size? MATT: If you put it on, no, it’s floppy. LAURA: These are really big, but they have lightning in them. MATT: The thickness of the hide, you’re not quite sure what the nature of the construction of them are. LAURA: Fjord, do you want to put these in the bag of holding? TRAVIS: Yeah, sure, I’ll take it. If bet you sat down and really thought about them a bunch, they might change. LAURA: I don’t have the ability to do that. TRAVIS: They go in the bag of holding. LAURA: You should put the big ugly heart in the bag of holding, too, so we can show it for evidence. MARISHA: I was thinking that, too. LAURA: You don’t want to take his head? TALIESIN: Heads are nice. LAURA: His head is bigger than his heart. TRAVIS: I wouldn’t mind sawing it off right now. LAURA: I’m okay with that. MARISHA: Maybe a couple horns. LAURA: Let’s just chop his head off. MARISHA: Okay, I’ll help like grab the horns and position it so– MATT: I’ll say with Yasha’s help, the three of you manage to slowly move it out of the pool of stagnant water. This is a heavy motherfucker. I’d say probably takes all of you, for the most part, to try and get it out over the next like ten minutes or so. You manage to get the body out of the water, because it’s soaked now. Pull it through. Takes you a long time to saw through. It’s a ghastly process, but you manage to remove the head. The head in its own right weighs, I’d say, close to like 300 pounds. LAURA and SAM: Ooh! TRAVIS: Holy shit.
LAURA: That’s a lot of head. MARISHA: So much head. SAM: Just do one of those rubbings. Just do a rubbing. TALIESIN: We can tell them where to find it. LAURA: Maybe we just bring the heart with us. TRAVIS: Yeah, the heart sounds good. LAURA: Because, you know, what are they going to do? They’re going to stay down here, we closed the rift. LIAM: From the body of the incubus, Caleb would see the succubus that got curb stomped by Beauregard, so I’m going to rifle its body. Oh, you did that already? SAM: I did the succubus. MATT: Yeah, you guys have already looked through all them. LAURA: We should probably rest, you guys. MARISHA: I’m so tired. SAM: Right here? LAURA: Nothing else can come out. We closed the rift, I think. MARISHA: I wonder what time it is. What time is it? LIAM: It is– MATT: Time right now? You’d guess, based on the middle of the night, when you guys traversed down here, rest in-between, I’d say it’s probably close to dawn. LIAM: Well, I can throw up the dome down here, if we want. LAURA: Maybe we can sleep and then we’ll go see Lady Oreos. MARISHA: I’m fine with that.
SAM Okay. TALIESIN: Sleep good. MATT: Where are you setting up? TRAVIS: Yeah, should we search the cave just for anything else that was dropped or any of the other markings that it– TALIESIN: Yeah, I’m going to look around. TRAVIS: Since we saw the little creatures scratching into the surface and stuff. TALIESIN: I’m going to take in the view. MATT: Okay, so two people can do this. You can choose either investigation or perception. TALIESIN: I’ll take perception. TRAVIS: I’ll take investigation. MATT: All right, go for it, the two of you. TALIESIN: How about a good roll? There you go. 26. MATT: 26, nice. TRAVIS: Natural 20. MARISHA: Holy shit. LAURA: It’s coming back. (singing) It’s all coming back to us now! TALIESIN: Where were you? MATT: The two of you, at almost the exact same time, in the far corner, hidden amongst the stacks of stalagmites that litter the floor, you see this faint little orangish glow. It’s ever so faint amongst the darkness in the far corner. You both approach and tucked and hidden with dirt placed over it, only slightly ever exposed, there’s an object. There’s just this ever so faint orange glow. Looks like it’s a little bit exposed to glass or something. TRAVIS: You see that?
TALIESIN: Yeah, that’s weird. TRAVIS: You want to give it a little touch with your staff? LAURA: Should you make sure it’s okay first? (pigeon coo) TRAVIS: We’re poking it. TALIESIN: Let’s have everyone pay attention to this for a moment, I think that might not be a bad idea. LAURA: What’d you find? TALIESIN: Want to try and identify it before we touch it? SAM: Caleb, is that a thing you can do? LAURA: No! No, Fjord, remember. MARISHA: Remember the Ruby. LIAM: I can. It’ll take some time. LAURA: Like what? Like ten minutes? LIAM: Yeah. SAM: Yeah, we can wait ten minutes. LAURA: Yeah, let’s check it out before we touch this thing. SAM: He’s going to ritually Identify. MATT: Identifying what?
TALIESIN: The object. MATT: The object?
LIAM: Yeah. MATT: You’re picking it up and handling it? LIAM: No, I will sit down next to it and draw a circle around it and start to attempt to identify it. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: I’m also give you Resistance. LIAM: Ten-ish minutes. MATT: All righty. TALIESIN: I’m going to keep you up with Resistance, too. TRAVIS: Should we blow some of the dirt off of it, See what it is? it’s a little covered in dirt. MATT: You take ten minutes to focus. Even though it’s mostly buried, as you concentrate on the spell, the information comes to you, and you can see, in your mind’s eye, the full structure. It’s a small disc-like piece of silver. A silver disc, about that wide. That contains a three-inch glass sphere, filled with mercury that rests on the top. The glass that you see peeking through is that sphere and the orange color is coming from the mercury itself being the catalyst to some sort of arcane enchantment that rests within the disc around it. Sigils adorn it in a rudimentary circle based around the orb. With four pieces of rough pink crystal, wrapped in copper coils. That are placed at the edges of this disc. It’s construction is not super refined. It looks semi-fragile, but it’s functional at the moment. You gather from, yeah, because you get the properties from it. This is what’s called an abyssal anchor. A crudely constructed abyssal anchor. It was used during the Calamity by demon generals and such to punch holes between the Abyss and the Prime Material Plane to use for invading various places across the world of Exandria. Essentially, it would be placed and would slowly begin to tear the barriers between. You gather that this was probably the slow growing source of the various tears that have been happening in the city. LIAM: So it’s not specific to one place. It is, here, but also? MATT: It’s a wide area. LIAM: A sphere of influence. MATT: Correct. TALIESIN: I’m going to maybe get 60 feet away from this thing, if everyone wants to stand back, and maybe hit it with some– LAURA: We shouldn’t destroy it, we should take it to them and show it. TALIESIN: I’m happy for it to be proof, but it should be off. We should turn it off. LAURA: Do you have the ability to do that? TALIESIN: I don’t know. I can, at the very least– MATT: Make an arcana check. TALIESIN: Make an arcana check? MARISHA: I just wouldn’t shatter it into a thousand pieces because then it’s not proof anymore. TRAVIS: Just in case it’s–
TALIESIN: 14. MATT: You’re not entirely certain how to deactivate the enchantment. LIAM: Maybe we are probably all right to put it into the bag of holding, which is not even on this plane. For a night. SAM: Are you sure? It causes dimensional rifts. Are you going to put it in a–? TRAVIS: It would just open up into nothing. MATT: Make an arcana check. LAURA: If you put a dimensional rift into a dimensional rift, the world ends, basically. LIAM: 13 on it.
MATT: 13. LIAM: Don’t know? MATT: Whatever you guys want to do. MARISHA: Are a bunch of demons– SAM: I don’t want to put it in that. We can put it in the lead box, but I don’t want to put it– TALIESIN and LAURA: I’m afraid to touch it. LAURA: Maybe it would be best if we just go and tell the lady about it. MATT: I’ll say, because of your training, just because you are trained in it and it’s not a huge leap of logic, putting a device like this while it’s on in the bag of holding would probably over time, you don’t know how soon, but it would begin to open tears to the Abyss within the pocket plane. Which means, creatures could find their way into your bag of holding and take the contents out. MARISHA: Take items out? MATT: Yeah. If they can reach into your bag of holding, and then take what’s in there out, yeah, that can totally happen. TALIESIN: Does anybody have Dispel Magic left? I don’t know. LAURA: I’m out of spells. Unless we rest, a long rest, I have nothing. TRAVIS: Yeah, we got to long rest, we might as well just drop this off with Lady Olisa or whatever it is. TALIESIN: What if we wake up and there’s a bunch of new stuff? SAM: Why don’t we put it in the bubble with us? Nothing can get in or out of the bubble. TALIESIN: I don’t know, I mean– LIAM: If we just rest here for a while, I can Dispel Magic. SAM: Okay, let’s do that. MATT: Okay. What are you doing with the device and the gloves? LAURA: The gloves. TRAVIS: You mean the?
MATT: Yeah. TRAVIS: That’s in the bag of holding. MATT: Oh, it’s in the bag of holding, okay. MARISHA: We’re going to sit here for a little bit, do you mind if I like put them on and see what happens? Thanks. MATT: You’re going to take a short rest to? LIAM: Short rest. Arcane recovery. MARISHA: I’m going to just meditate in the giant gloves and see what happens. MARISHA: Oh, you’re doing your badass short rest. LIAM: She’s trying to attune. Yeah, she attuned. MATT: You attuned them. TALIESIN: Are they cursed? MARISHA: No. Don’t think so. LAURA: What is it, Beau? What did they do? LIAM: She’s going to read it.
LAURA: Don’t be a Caleb. LIAM: Leave her alone, let her read it. SAM: If we’re taking a short rest, can you, during that– No, I guess during that time, you can’t do anything. TALIESIN: He’s doing like the super weird– MATT: You can do simple things, you know. SAM: Not cast Identify ritually, though. MATT: That’s not very restful, yeah. MARISHA: These gloves are dope. I can now punch ghosts. SAM: Someone who has those gloves can now? MARISHA: Punch ghosts. Also, I can punch people from a distance of 20 feet away with lightning damage. I can punch people with lightning. SAM: You can ghost punch people? MARISHA: I can ghost punch ghosts with lightning. There are layers. I’m so stoked. SAM: Ranged punching. MARISHA: Ranged punching. It gives me a plus one to my unarmored attack and damage rolls. MATT: Using arcane recovery to regain? LIAM: To get back a three and a one. I can use Dispel, oh no, shit. It’s not, I don’t have it prepared. I have to go to bed. TALIESIN: I’ve got an idea. Why don’t we, at the very least, I can. I don’t know, I’ve got Stoneshape, still, so if we want to seal the room and sleep on the other side of the room, maybe for now. SAM: We’ve got the dome.
LIAM: We can do the dome and nothing can harm us in the dome. TALIESIN: Fair, all right. SAM: Can we put the thing in a lead box? Don’t we have a lead box? TALIESIN: I think. LAURA: Yeah. SAM: Put the thing in the lead box. Is it small enough to fit? MATT: It’ll fit in the box you had made, yeah. LAURA: All right. I’m going to not touch it, but I’m going to shove the box around it, and close it. MATT: All right, you shuffle it in there. A few moments it gets bumped. The like warm glow of orange flares a bit as it gets bumped, but it seems fine. LAURA: Okay, it’s in the box. TRAVIS: Box goes in the bag.
LAURA: Okay. TALIESIN: Let’s sleep.
SAM: No, the box does not go in the bag. MATT: You guys, through the use of your hut, prepare yourselves for a long rest here amongst the previous tears to the Abyssal plane. Deep beneath the well of Asarius. You bed down and take a much earned night of rest. And that’s where we’ll go ahead and end tonight’s adventure. We’ll pick up there next week. SAM: This was rough. MATT: That was a rough fight, guys. TALIESIN: That was a lot. MARISHA: Rolls fucked us. TALIESIN: We were not rolling well. MATT: Some bad rolls for you guys. MARISHA: Are these a Matt Mercer creation, or are these a D&D thing where we can find them in D&D Beyond? MATT: They were a creation of mine, but I put them in D&D Beyond. MARISHA: They’re already on there? MATT: Yeah, I made them earlier today. Well, guys. Let’s go fly to Seattle tomorrow. SAM: I’m going to go pack tonight. MATT: Same, same. MARISHA: There was the live watch along. MATT: That’s right, all you guys that are watching up at Emerald City Comic Con. SAM: They can’t still be there, right? MARISHA: What a bananas episode. MATT: If you guys are still up and in Emerald City, hi. Thank you for kicking along with us. We’ll also be exhausted. See you Saturday. LIAM: The game was almost entirely combat. MATT: Yeah, this was a huge fight. TRAVIS and MARISHA: Three initiatives. MATT: Yeah, thanks for coming along for this extended series of battles. We’ll pick up on this next week, as you guys awaken here beneath the well. In the meantime, we love you very much, and is it Thursday yet? Good night. [music]